I am so sorry kez that this happen to you but this is not your fault and you need to quit blaming yourself, I know it is easier said then done, but you do. As a martial artiest we try to train are self for every scenario possible and hope that when the time comes that we will be able to pull it off but sometimes it does not always work that way. Being a martial artist is always a learning experience just like life. But you live, you learn. What I mean by this is that you take this experience and use it as a teaching method so maybe you can help some one else who might be but in a similar situation as what you were in.