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ashworth

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Everything posted by ashworth

  1. Thanks for all of your input and for sharing your own stories. Zaine, I know it's strange but I'm glad I'm not alone, I completely understand what you mean about just seeing the word gave you panic attacks. That's how I have been feeling, I have been avoiding it. Finally found the courage to visit a friends class last night, being meaning to for ages, but kept making excuses. The lead up to the class was so intense for me, at home before leaving I was so nervous and my anxiety levels were through the roof! heavy breathing, legs feeling heavy, took a lot of effort just leaving the house! right up until I walked through the doors to the dojo I just kept thinking about getting back into my car and going home... But I didn't! I made it into the class, saw a couple of instructor friends that I have know for ages, met some new ones, took part in the class and everything was fine! was a very friendly group and I'm hoping to go again next week! Also another further development since I started this post. I had an appointment at my GP surgery with a mental health practitioner, talked a bit more about the anti-depressants that I'm on and that I need to be aiming for 90mins of exercise a week to aid their effectiveness. To be honest I'm not far from that anyway. Also talked about my sleep and my sleep Apnea (something that hasn't been confirmed yet) he has suggested I get an appointment with my doctor for testing that, I also have another appointment with the mental health practitioner in a months time for a follow up and to decide the next step. Glad that I am taking the steps to improve the current situation, feeling more positive today...
  2. I have been thinking about writing this post for a while, but it has proven difficult. I wasn't completely sure where to post this, as I saw this as a general MA topic, but then an instructor topic, but the overall subject of it is mental health so figured it could fit here... Nowadays you will find that most people have suffered with mental health issues in some way or another in various different forms, so I expect many of you may be able to relate to this post in someway. I have had a recurring on-going battle with depression for a little over 10 years, I have seen a therapist, and gone through different CBTs (cognitive behavioural therapy) but it's something that has kept coming back. Had a few big time issues that potentially contributed to this, an unpleasant family split when I was 7 which lead to a scary childhood with an angry father until I was able to leave him after countless family court hearings. Then later in life losing twins in a miscarriage that my other half went through. Whilst all of this was in the past, and I felt relatively over it all. I have found myself slipping back further into my depression than I ever was before, despite my life being significantly better. Now I am in a happy marriage and have two gorgeous girls, one 3 and then other will be 1 in September. But I have felt a change in my identity, I suppose I may be going through an identity crisis? Obviously becoming a father is a big life changing event and changes are expected. My Karate and martial arts in general has always been a big part of who I am, but for the past couple of years I haven't been able to put the time and effort into my club that I should have, and it has definitely suffered. A couple of months ago I made a difficult decision to stop running my weekly class and just run a class once a month for those students interested, this is more for myself really because I hate the idea of my club not being there... but with money being tight, there not being enough students to break even and finding it difficult to make it every week due to home life with little ones, this was something I had to do. Since this decision I have found that I don't regret it, my personal and family life must come first, but I don't feel like myself sometimes and my depression kicks in, I have thought about attending a normal class with other instructors that I know who have always said that I'm welcome, but I have found myself making excuses and struggling to get round to doing it. With my own training I'm having the same motivational issues, but when I do get around to training it feels very emotional, especially when I go through Kata. I can't figure out if it's a good or bad emotion though. Sometimes the voice in my head says that karate has failed me (this is during my depression episodes, my rational head knows that this isn't the case) Anyway, I feel happy that I have managed to get this off of my chest, especially after wanting to post about it for so long, I think I have explained myself, I feel like I'm missing something but I can't think what, if I remember I'll add it at a later date. But for now, this will do. Has anyone else been through this kind of issue with running their club or just your own training in general?
  3. When I was a younger I was seeing the instructors daughter, then I ended up starting my own club, she came with me and help me run the classes. It did work well for a while but just wasn't meant to be and I had to move away. Fast forward a fair few years and I had a girlfriend become a student, then we decided to have a baby... and then another one... so she hasn't been able to return to the dojo yet... We are married now too
  4. Big congratulations on your Grading!
  5. Welcome back!
  6. I second Nidan's comment, as I also do both depending on what I'm using the kick for. Something that I do which may or may not help, is have all my toes pointing pointing down while my big toe points up, I feel this just helps give me the right foot shape and engage the right muscles, but if you issue is flexibility in those muscles then this comment may not help!
  7. Happy New Year everyone!!
  8. I got a couple of Cobra Kai items, and then a karate book: The kata and bunkai of Goju-ryu karate: the essence of the heishu and kaishu kata. So I'm pretty happy with that
  9. Training sounds good, keep it up! and best of luck for your up coming grading! I'll keep an eye on your posts in 2 weeks time!
  10. Congrats aurik! Well deserved! I also noticed you have a shiny new KF Sempai belt! was trying to see a post about it but didn't find one, I believe this is a relatively new addition so congrats on your Sempai status!
  11. Woo! I won something! I would like to take this opportunity to thank all my fans and my mum who is probably my only fan anyway... !
  12. Thanks for everything you have done within this community. Hopefully you will still be able to visit from time to time
  13. Happy Birthday Patrick!!! Don't party too hard!
  14. Thanks everyone! between our two girls they aren't given us many chances to actually catch up on sleep! but it will get better, the oldest is currently dropping her afternoon nap, which is messing with her overnight sleep too! but I'm sure that will start to settle
  15. I was meaning to post about this sooner, but available time and lack of sleep have prevented me from doing so! But on the 20th of September my wife gave birth to another little girl! Meaning I am completely outnumbered now! 3 girls in the house vs me! The birth itself wasn't straight forward and there were a few worrying moments, and we both tested positive for Covid during the labour! after managing to avoid catching it since it became a thing! spent about 5 days in hospital just the 3 of us isolated in our own little room. Was a tough time but we are all doing much better now. Now we are just dealing with the sleepless nights!
  16. Anyone started watching this yet? One of my students has already finished it. So far I have only seen the first episode, my wife and I rarely get a chance to sit down together and watch something at the moment! But I'm itching to get through it all!
  17. Sounds like you are on a very exciting path! Wishing you all the best on your venture
  18. There's a new trailer out!! Getting me more and more excited! although I feel like I have already seen a lot of the season now just through the trailers!
  19. 1. My Sandan grading 10 years ago, received really good feedback on how well I done and how mature I was for a 21 year old. 2. My Shodan grading after watching me in kumite the examiners used me as an example to spar with one of the higher dan grades. 3. Winning gold medal at a world championship for Kata (was in 16-21 year old category just after I turned 16)
  20. Don't be so hard on yourself. Training always fluctuates, and we all go through periods where we feel disappointed with our training. Especially for an instructor, its too easy to focus on your club and students needs before your own. from the look of it your school is still pretty new? It will have taken a lot of time and effort setting that up so it would have taken focus from your personal training. Be proud of what you have achieved in other areas and take it as a learning experience, and that this has just shown you what you need to work on...
  21. Congrats! Pizza is usually my go to celebration food!
  22. Fantasy based, modern type of story line. The Author is a martial artist main styles being Kempo, Kung fu and tai chi which are some of the main styles that we see in the books. He takes Martial art mythology and turns it into a fantasy story. There is a secret society that uses the dark art of Dim Mak who are the main bad guys throughout the series. There is also this martial arts school called the Hall of Dragon, which is where the main character gets invite to which is basically their version of Hogwarts! I don't feel like I am really doing it justice, I think if you look into it you can actually download the first book for free, it's definitely worth checking out!
  23. This is about a book series, I figured that fits in this part of the forum, if not please move appropriately... The Katana Series by Ken Warner consists of 5 Books: Katana Shodan: The Scroll of the Five Masters Katana Nidan: The Unwritten Koan Katana Sandan: The Code of Bodhidharma Katana Yodan: The Immortal Masters Katana Godan: Nemesis Has anyone come across them before? I struggle to make it through a book, the Harry Potter books are probably the only books I managed to get through until I came across these books. It literally feels like a martial art version of Harry Potter! definitely recommend seeking them out if that is your sort of thing... If you have read them, what did you think?
  24. welcome to the Forum!
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