Sparring accident with a younger opponent

[skullsplitter]

Folks, I'm posting this hoping for some advice, insight, sage words of wisdom, etc.

Some background info first. At our school we have a mixed teen and adults class. It's been this way for as long as I can remember. So teens and adults will spar each other in classes. We also do not separate males from females for sparring. We do wear headgear and foot/hand gear. And we go pretty hard at each other. Everyone knows this coming in and it's not been an issue to my knowledge.

With all that being said, I as a 43 yo old man often times spar against teens. One 14 year old gal in particular likes to spar me since we both push each other very well. I can take her kicks and she can take my hands. At different times we have both left each other hurting, not in a vicious way but from good hard competition. She has actually been in the adult class since she was 12 so sparring adults is common for her.

This past week she and I sparred. Everything was going normal. I was holding back some because she had mentioned she wasn't feeling up to par. But on the last point I caught her with a hammer fist to the top of her head. Her knees buckled, I caught her and lowered her to the floor. It ends up that she has a concussion. A week later her doctor still hasn't cleared her to return to physical activity.

This has bothered me a great deal to the point of being sick to my stomach. I've apologized so many times to her parents and our instructor. Both tell me that I did nothing wrong and these things can happen. Her parents are not upset with me at all. They know it was not done on purpose. Our instructor was watching the session and didn't think I hit her that hard. Yet all of this just rings hollow to me. Here I am still upset and blaming myself.

Have any of you been in a similar situation?

[cathal]

There's a couple of things you should keep in mind. First and foremost the fact you're worried shows us just how good of a person you are.

Next, what you must accept is that as martial artists we agree and understand that we can and very well may be injured through the course of our training. I've been injured as so many of us have. Even if you dress up in big puffy armoured suits, the chances are still there. She must know this acutely because she is so young and smaller compared to fully grown adults. This is clearly something her parents and her have accepted.

Your instructor was watching the entire time. Do you really think your instructor would hold back advice if you did something wrong that lead to her injury? Each instructor is behooved to advise and mentor you to improve; If you did something wrong you would have been informed.

It is not useful to mire yourself in regret when it is undeserving. Change nothing if your instructor said you did nothing wrong. Don't allow this moment to hinder you in your sparring especially with her. She may take it as an insult if you hold back in future sparring sessions. Don't be afraid to get back on the horse.

[Karate_John]

Accidents happen, and you obviously had no malice. It's not even clear if the injury is solely from the hammer fist, you mentioned she wasn't feeling up to par to begin with.

In any case the instructor watching the session said you did nothing wrong, and the parents understand. I know it's hard but try not to place blame. When she returns welcome her back and get back into it. I agree with Cathal. Don't allow this moment to hinder you in your sparring.

[Kanku65]

When I was 16 (3rd kyu) Sensei made me freestyle spar with a green belt student who was 3 years younger and much smaller than I. I was very careful while sparring with him, and still, accidentally managed to punch him in the face and hurt him pretty bad. I felt awful. Sensei reassured me it was fine, he would recover and we should both learn from it.

Coincidentally after that I took time off to focus on school and work.

At the age of 22 I returned to the dojo, to find the student was now 1st kyu, bigger than me, and better at kumite than I was.

The feelings that came with this discovery were unmatched, and I was completely inspired.

Use this incident to gain a better understanding of yourself, and your training partner. I'm sure they will forgive you. Accidents will always happen. All we can do is our very best to prevent them, and learn from them when they occur.

[Spartacus Maximus]

This is a very unfortunate accident but it was entirely preventable. Kumite is supposed to be a training exercise, not a competition to see who is better than whom. Especially when the participants have a wide gap in skills, power or age. Insufficient control and unclear regulation of the exercise can also result in accidents with injuries and trouble for everyone involved, especially the instructor.

The OP was very, very lucky that the opponent and everyone else did not find fault. In most cases like this, somebody will seek some kind of legal recourse. It is pricisely for this reason that kumite must be strictly regulated and supervised. Perhaps the instructor might take this incident as a good reason to make some changes for safety and to protect himself from potentially unpleasant legal consequences.

In my mid-teens I remember being asked to do kumite with an adult. I was sixteen and she was a 3rd Dan. I was sure that she had the level to take anything I might throw but even when she blocked it made her wince. After one or two lucky shots hit she was crying. After that, I always refused to do any kind of kumite or drill with a girl or anyone younger. I felt terrible to say the least.

[cathal]

When I was 16 (3rd kyu) Sensei made me freestyle spar with a green belt student who was 3 years younger and much smaller than I. I was very careful while sparring with him, and still, accidentally managed to punch him in the face and hurt him pretty bad. I felt awful. Sensei reassured me it was fine, he would recover and we should both learn from it.

Coincidentally after that I took time off to focus on school and work.

At the age of 22 I returned to the dojo, to find the student was now 1st kyu, bigger than me, and better at kumite than I was.

The feelings that came with this discovery were unmatched, and I was completely inspired.

Use this incident to gain a better understanding of yourself, and your training partner. I'm sure they will forgive you. Accidents will always happen. All we can do is our very best to prevent them, and learn from them when they occur.

Well said!

[Nidan Melbourne]

accidents happen and you have apologised profusely for it. It shows that you weren't out to hurt her.

I have knocked out a few people before and i felt guilty about it for ages.

They all have said that it was their fault because they didn't have their hands up

[bushido_man96]

Accidents happen, and you obviously had no malice. It's not even clear if the injury is solely from the hammer fist, you mentioned she wasn't feeling up to par to begin with.

In any case the instructor watching the session said you did nothing wrong, and the parents understand. I know it's hard but try not to place blame. When she returns welcome her back and get back into it. I agree with Cathal. Don't allow this moment to hinder you in your sparring.

I agree with John here. Don't let this situation overtake your training as a whole, and if you let it affect how you train with her when she gets back, it will likely upset her. Its a contact sport, and these things will happen from time to time. You've apologized, and that's all you can do, really. I can understand feeling bad about it, but don't let it consume you. In the end, it will all be alright.

[Melau]

The OP was very, very lucky that the opponent and everyone else did not find fault. In most cases like this, somebody will seek some kind of legal recourse. It is pricisely for this reason that kumite must be strictly regulated and supervised. Perhaps the instructor might take this incident as a good reason to make some changes for safety and to protect himself from potentially unpleasant legal consequences.

Is it really that bad where you are from? People taking up legal recourse when getting hurt (accidently, mind you!) during training? Here everybody is aware that they are doing a martial art, with all the respect and control possible. But accidents happen, whether doing MA or football or whatever. Sueing someone because of what happens during a hobby, by accident? I find that strange. Guess there are differences in culture here.

[Spodo Komodo]

Here in the UK it would be unusual for such a situation between adults to involve legal action but it wouldn't be unusual for parents to try on behalf of their kids. I have had to fight legal action for a tooth which was chipped following an after-school cricket training session I used to run. Despite the fact that the session had ended and the recipient of the injury caught his own rebound from bowling into a net at idiotically close range the magistrate deemed me responsible until they were off the premises (a public park so I couldn't insist they left). My insurance had to take a hit and they insisted that I ban him from the club, so everyone lost apart from the lawyers.

The vast majority of parents understand the risks of sport but for a few, you can never be sure that the lure of a payout wouldn't get the better of their morals.