Liver Punch

Assuming that this is a Full-on Biblical-Style Zombie Apocalypse? Step one is to assemble the "family." It's just the future wife and I, along with two cats. They'd probably be brought along, as animals are good in stressful situation, and cats are pretty handy for catching mice. Also, they're pretty darn cute. Once the family is assembled, they get packed into the car along with everything that I find useful for our journey (more on that later) Using as rural roads as possible, we'll make our way South to meet up with the rest of the hooligans in the group (Including Tall Geese, Master Pain, and Groin Punch) where our skills will be offered to the group in a post-apocalyptic communist paradise. As for the items that I'd be packing, I have all of these things on hand and ready to go in fairly short order: Alcohol (For Trading/Bartering/Bribing), a small amount of pure silver and a couple hundred dollars in small bills for currency, an extensive first aid kit with everything from band-aids to stitch/staple kits, water purification, fire starting materials, flare gun & flares, hand-tools, small shovel, tent, sleeping bags, several weeks supply of canned food/non-perishable food, sanitation items, medicine, eye care items, batteries, rope, duct tape, machete, hatchet, pocket knives, backpacks, signal mirror, 12V CB radio, glowsticks, whistle, fishing line, hooks, weights, tire repair kit, fuel jugs, water jugs, a firearms and ammunition in the following sizes: .22, .223, 12 GA, 9MM, and computer hard drive containing a backup of my computer and personal documents. It's not a perfect collection, and I'm always expanding it, but it is mostly enough to sustain me for a little while. Remember, most of these items can be rotated into what you normally use at home, and any other items can be used at their expiration point on a camping/survival trip.

The guys I know on this forum would probably consider only the knife, "club", staff, machete, and gun to be "traditional". I'm guessing that most martial artists have the opposite viewpoint. I'll concede that everyone else is right about this subject, however, I don't see why a common ground can't exist between both sides of the coin. I try to make everything I do look pretty. It doesn't always work, but once I've achieved effective, I always try for fluid and graceful. If I were part of a martial art that taught weapons that aren't typically used in modern settings, I'd start looking for the modern application of those skills. You guys have already mastered something that is difficult, and can make it pretty, so perhaps applying it to everyday items in the modern world would be a worthwhile endeavor. Traditional staff work can be applied to baseball bats, metal pipes, pool sticks, etc. I've seen Kukri Machetes with extreme blade angles that make them very much like a Kama. A Meteor Hammer's techniques seem like they'd translate over to a normal chain no problem, or a chain with something as simple as a lock on the end(s). I'm sure there's a million more, and when the zombie apocalypse happens, you may well find yourself trapped in the face of adversity with nothing to defend yourself with but a pair of makeshift nun chucks. Self defense is all about improvisation, and the greater your skill set and your ability to adapt it, the better off you are. Edit: I'm challenging all of you traditional weapon guys to find a modern use for your traditional weapon skills. I think there's a use here that's mostly overlooked by people like me.

Th front office of the complex cited the guy for having a hole under the fence, overgrowth in his yard, not pickup up his dog waste, having dogs without collars, and a few other things. I contacted the authorities, and they explained the situation to the neighbor and outright said that if any crime was committed it was by him, and that they'd take a statement, but otherwise the situation seemed to be taken care of. From what I understand, the neighbor wasn't real thrilled that I removed Fido's skull cap, and had the hole filled in by the time I got home from work today.

I'm not sure why stupid/ridiculous/fantastical/unbelievable/terrible things always happen to me, but that pretty much seems to be the case. I've lived in my new apartment for all of 2 days, and been forced to extinguish a large animal. We'll start from the beginning. This entire apartment complex is pretty nice, and if you live on ground level (as I do) you get a small, fenced in yard area. Most of the people that live around me are under 40 and work a standard 9-5 job, aren't loud, and are in general clean and orderly people. Of course, the one jerk in the entire place lives right next to me. A wooden fence separates my yard from his and while my yard is still pretty empty, his has two large dogs. Today, I came home and was moving some stuff in, and the weather was pretty nice so I left the door that leads to my yard open. I'd apparently left the screen door open too, but that shouldn't have been a big deal. Unbeknownst to me however, my door being open would allow entry to one of the dogs who had apparently dug a dog-sized hole underneath the fence. So, here I am, in the bedroom unpacking, and I hear something hit the screen door. Knowing that all of my firearms are still packed across the hallway, I grab my $15 Gerber machete and go to investigate. I've investigated thousands of mystery sounds over my lifetime, and until today they've all turned out to either be nothing or something insignificant. That wasn't the case today. There it was, standing in my living room. Large and brown with big white teeth...a freaking pit bull. He seemed agitated. Running wasn't an option, and my dog skills are a bit lacking, so talking it down was out. I decided just to wait this one out, perhaps he'd politely leave. He apparently decided to charge me instead. This is the part where training came into play. I stepped back with my left foot, putted my head back, and swung that cheap piece of steel as hard as I could with an "oh crap" swing. There are two lessons to be learned here. 1) Contrary to popular belief, a dog makes a lousy guard given that the person he's attacking is armed. 2) Escrima cross-training paired with a certain level of paranoia pays big dividends in the right circumstances. Incidents like this make me particularly happy for my training, and re-affirm my belief that morons shouldn't be allowed to own anything.

I live in what would be considered a pretty safe neighborhood. It's mostly middle class with a good school system, and average unemployment. There's cul-de-sac nation for quite some distance, and people are somewhat friendly. I work in juvenile corrections, and as such have access to the records of anyone currently or formerly in our facility. I looked up one particularly violent offender the other day and noted that he lived just a few blocks from me. It's on a quiet street with little traffic and a big sidewalk, so lots of people walk and job on that road - family members included. This kid is a legit sociopath - constant and random acts of violence, sexual assault, arson, history of abuse, etc. He's noted on his entry interview as being in a gang and carrying a loaded firearm with him most of the time. He'll be out long before his 18th birthday, and despite his charges and what they may be, his status as a juvenile prevents anyone from knowing who he is, where he is, or the nature of his crimes. This was something that I hadn't really though about before. In short, don't forget to be diligent. This kid is young, middle class, clean, good-looking, and beyond dangerous. He's a good example of why you shouldn't trust anyone, and how the boogey man usually looks pretty harmless. Stay paranoid my friends.

The Chinese sent me a glass ball. 3 inches of solid glass sphere. This is not what I had in mind. I've sent out an email to 5 or 6 American companies, we'll see what sort of responses I get. Also, in my "smashlite" downtime I've been working on a free shotgun. Because it was free, you can imagine the condition it was in. I sawed the barrel down to a very short (but still legal) length, stripped and re-blued all of the metal, and am currently looking for a buttstock. Once it's cut to a smaller size and installed, I'll have a perfect zombie gun.

I officially don't dislike at least one TKD school in the world. That's pretty amazing. Consider it done.

I think that a lot of TKD students, particularly those who aren't as super nimble, flexible, or quick as a 125 lb Korean guy would find a lot to like about boxing and muay thai (particularly the danish brand). TKD doesn't offer anything along the lines of my particular brand of bullying, clubbering, or smashing. Sometimes I don't want to look pretty, move swiftly, or use any sort of abundance of gracefulness. I, personally am built a lot more like George Foreman than an average TKD Blackbelt. I guess what I'm attempting to convey, is that some of the footwork and strikes might eventually make more sense to you/feel more intuitive. Even if you stick to being a pure TKD-style martial artist, it's picking up nuances from other martial arts that fit you best that I personally think make being combatively effective possible.

The UFC is pretty good at making sure no un-paid for clip exists on the internet. I can assure you however, that Karo looked like a wet noodle.

My motto was always to do better than my worst, but then again, I'm a bit of an underachiever.

I figure that I've got about 5 options on this one. 1) Hit him with a car - my car goes faster than 110 MPH 2) Hit him with a chair - in the event that he dodges it I would... 3) Throw a series of chair at him from a distance 4) Light his house on fire and shoot him when he runs out the door 5) Cover, take the abuse, grab him, bite him, take him down, and punish.

Bizzare (to a non boxer) footwork, stances, body positioning, and head movement. It's kind of like learning another language - only every time you mess up, there's the potential to get hit in the nose. All in all, it's pretty enjoyable.

It's super hard to not get your leg caught when sparring without a lot of speed and power. It's also harder when kicking the body repeatedly, because the guy will probably catch on at some point. I do the following: 1) Kick gets caught - whoops. 2) Lean my weight forward and off of my supporting leg. 3) Move my supporting leg back to avoid a sweep. 4) Thai clinch their head or grab the gi collar (if possible) 5) Start hopping - hop wherever they try to take you. If they run you backwards, hop really high and wait to be ran into a wall. 6) While hopping, punch them in the face (they won't be expecting it) and try to get your leg pulled out, or pushed through.

I practice Jiu Jitsu and Wrestling so I can stay standing on me feet and punch people really hard.

See, I feel like I would be most likely just to hit my kid with a car myself. That way he can learn whatever lesson he can from the entire situation, be it about crossing roads, or never to trust anyone. But, I'm a bit of a cynic (and a jerk)

You don't have any friends. And, my take on Kata, has been that perhaps at one point, all the movements were based on something that was used in that exact fashion in combat...but if I, personally, ever executed most of the motions the way they are in a kata, I'd be promptly beat up, killed, and stuffed in a shallow grave. As far as interpreting kata literally - as in, applying them to what you do today- I think you've got to find out what that specific kata was made to do, and who it was made for. If there were a kata made for huge white guys to defend themselves in a street fight or bar...I imagine it wouldn't look like most others.

MMA Jim might disagree with you, but I cannot speak for him. I've worked a some odd-job security, and it's certainly an interesting scenario to find yourself in. I've got some stuff that we've got the use at the kiddie-jail, that's basically just a toned-down version of our system, and is almost 100% applicable to other security scenarios...I'll give a short little demo when I get home next time.

I think as time goes on, I become more and more interested in gearing my skills toward self defense. When I started, the motivation to be the All Valley Karate Champion was pretty great. I figured that once I'd defended that title a few times, I'd knock off Frank Dux as the World Kumite Champion, win the solid gold dragon in the Ghang-gheng, and perhaps challenge that guy with the eye patch from Best of the Best. Once I'd accomplished that, becoming the WWF heavyweight champion was the next logical step, followed by a quest to defeat the One Armed Boxer, the Master of the Flying Guillotine, Sagat, Vega, Goro, Chuck Norris, Mr. T., Freddy Krueger, The Terminator, Robocop, the Kangaroo from Tekken, Royce Gracie, the ghost of Bruce Lee, and Mike Tyson in a 15-man battle royal. Once I hit about 10 years old, it occurred to me that not getting beat up was more important. I didn't decide to follow that notion until I was about 20, but ever since then self-defense has been my focus. I'm much more likely to suddenly find myself in a life or safety threatening situation than I am with a gun to my head and the man on the other side demanding that i show off my nunchuck skills. Self-defense ranges from crossing the street to avoid a bad situation to having your house broken into by a group of people who'd like to hold you hostage. It ranges from the unarmed, to the armed, and perhaps even the armless steering a car at you with their teeth. (that's a particularly dangerous situation) There's many lifetimes worth of information to learn. Self defense - to me - involves knowledge with unarmed defense, multiple attackers, improvised weapons, knives, clubs, thousands of types of firearms, personal security, home security, computer security, awareness, paranoia, an a whole lot of other things. So, ultimately, while I love the philosophy and beauty that many martial arts offer...in the event that I'm staring down the barrel of a shotgun, the beauty of a particular kata becomes quite irrelevant.

I took a several round beating once...it was rather enjoyable, I'd like to add - but I'm weird like that. It started out with one round of standup with a guy the call "Meanie" He's taller, stronger, and better than me. I had my legs kicked out from underneath me about 9 times, and had his giant shins bounce off my head at least 5 times. Round two involved grappling with someone smaller, but unfortunately stronger and better than me. I was choked out repeatedly, and mounted and suffocated for a while. Round three was a 5-minute pummeling from a 205 lb. guy who ended up fighting in the UFC...it was ugly. Round four was another 5 minute pummeling from a 185 lb. professional fighter. And round five was a thorough beating from a 145 lb professional fighter. By the end of the round I was just standing there, exhausted, getting punched repeatedly in the face because I couldn't do anything to prevent it.

I was really close to doing that very thing.... Edit: We're the Glendale Water Boys!!!

I'm just not sure that massive evasion techniques constitute a martial art - or even a defensive art for that matter. If your defense for an attack is to climb over a wall...I'm not sure it counts. Armies developed marching for wars, so - is marching a martial art? Better yet, is a marching band a group of martial artists?

^^I agree^^ In Muay Thai, you pretty much want the knee pointed down or horizontally, but never up. Karate is going to be different, and every brand within is going to even more different. So, yeah - what's it supposed to look like?

Perhaps someone needs to take up Combative Parkour...you'd just work in hitting each other at some point in the competition. Edit: Like XArm wrestling - if you don't have a clue what I'm talking about, look it up.

MP Is pretty much right about this. However, assuming you or whoever you know that is under 18 isn't a jerk, I'd offer the following advice: If you're in high school, get involved in wrestling, a little bit of weight lifting, and if available, track. Track will provide pretty great general fitness, the weight program that something like the football team uses would provide good strength training, and wrestling is actually a martial art. In regards to a gym, look for classes that offer the building blocks of MMA. Judo, Sambo, BJJ, Muay Thai, Kickboxing, and Boxing all offer great tools for MMA, and have competition built into them. I think, personally, that we'll soon see a kid who started wrestling and BJJ at 4 or 5 years old. He'll take up Judo and Sambo, and start competing in those four arts by the time he's 7. He'll run track, and cross country by the time he's in Jr. High, and at ten years old or so, he'll start the striking arts. He'll still be competing in the grappling arts, but at 14 he'll add amateur boxing to the mix, and at 16, he'll add amateur Kickboxing and Muay Thai. At 18, this kid won't have one minute of MMA experience, but he'll have years of striking and grappling behind him. He'll be killer. Back to reality: MMA, by definition is a mixture of martial arts - pick up as many as you can, and immerse yourself into them as deep as possible, and when you're both old and skilled enough, you can apply your abilities and experience toward fighting people in a cage. Also, apparently at the time of this post, I'm the member of the month. I was pretty confused when I saw the Shinya Aoki colored belt.

8/2/11 5, 5 Minute Rounds, MMA Clinch work against the cage. One hour guard passes/ sweeps. One Hour MMA Bag/Pad Work, Striking Drills.