TKDShoujo Posted July 27, 2003 Share Posted July 27, 2003 Just some jokes and bumper stick type things I found funny. Feel free to post some of your favorites as well! "Out of my mind. Back in five minutes." "Cover me. I'm changing lanes." "As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools" "The gene pool could use a little chlorine." "Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home." Joke 1: Four dedicated hockey fans climb a giant mountain to prove who is the true Canadian Hockey Fan. One from Edmonton, one from Montreal, one from Calgary, and one from Toronto. The climb was taking forever. Toronto: "Alright, lets finish this once and for all! This is for Toronto!!!!!!" The Toronto guy jumps off the mountain. Montreal: "This is for Montreal!!" Montreal jumps off the mountain. Edmonton and Calgary were the last two fans. Edmonton: "THIS, IS FOR EDMONTON!!" And Edmonton pushed Calgary off the mountain. Joke 2: A woman was concerned because her husband always fell asleep in church. the priest told her he would nod every time he fell asleep and when he did she shuld stick a pin in him. the next sunday in church, the priest said, "who is our creator?" he than nodded so she stuck him w/ the pin. the husband woke up and yelled "god". The priest cont. on and said, "who is our savior?" he nodded again and she stuck him w/ the pin once more. A while later, the priest said, "and what did eve say after she bore adams 100th child?". the priest nodded again but the husband wasnt asleep. she stuck him w/ the pin and her husband screamed, "god damnit, it u stick that thing in me one more time im gonna f***in kill u!!" Joke 3: Jesus, Moses and an old man were playing golf. First it was Moses turn, he hit the ball as it went over a small lake, and landed about 5 meters from the hole. Then Jesus hit the ball, and it went over the lake and landed only 3 meters from the hole. Then the old man hit the ball. When the ball went over the lake, a fish jumped up and cought the ball in the mouth, ant a bird came and stole the ball from the mouth of the fish, and the bird took the ball high up in the air, but it got struck by lightning, and it dropped the ball right on the hole! And then Jesus said: -If you are going to continue like that, we don`t want to play with you dad! Your turn!! =) Female- 16 years old - Brown Belt 3rd grade. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shorin Ryuu Posted July 27, 2003 Share Posted July 27, 2003 I heard it like this... Joke 3: Jesus, Moses and an old man were playing golf. First it was Moses turn, he hit the ball and it sailed towards a small lake. Moses spread his arms and the lake split into two and the ball traveled in through the middle and landed about 5 meters from the hole. Then Jesus hit the ball, and it sailed towards a small lake. The ball simply rolled on top of the lake without sinking and landed only 3 meters from the hole. Then the old man hit the ball. When the ball went over the lake, a fish jumped up and cought the ball in the mouth, ant a bird came and stole the ball from the mouth of the fish, and the bird took the ball high up in the air, but it got struck by lightning, and it dropped the ball right on the hole! And then Jesus said: -If you are going to continue like that, we don`t want to play with you dad! Martial Arts Blog:http://bujutsublogger.blogspot.com/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TKDShoujo Posted July 27, 2003 Author Share Posted July 27, 2003 If you've ever heard of or played the game Telephone, you'd know that things such as jokes and stories get changed slightly as they are passed along. ^_~ As long as the basic concept is intact, does it really matter if they are worded different? Anyway, more jokes!! Female- 16 years old - Brown Belt 3rd grade. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shorin Ryuu Posted July 27, 2003 Share Posted July 27, 2003 Nah, i just thought I'd mention the powers that Jesus and Moses had, for extra effect. I'm not big on jokes though, I like stuff like Jack Handy and his Deep Thoughts: To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography, and the dancers hit each other. I remember that one fateful day when Coach too me aside. I knew what was coming. "You don't have to tell me," I said. "I'm off the team, aren't I?" "Well," said Coach, "you never were really ON the team. You made that uniform you're wearing out of rags and towels, and your helmet is a toy space helmet. You show up at practice and then either steal the ball and make us chase you to get it back, or you try to tackle people at inappropriate times." It was all true what he was saying. And yet, I thought something is brewing inside the head of this Coach. He sees something in me, some kind of raw talent that he can mold. But that's when I felt the handcuffs go on. Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died of tuberculosis. It takes a big man to cry, but it takes an even bigger man to laugh at that man. Love can sweep you off your feet and carry you along in a way you've never known before. But the ride always ends, and you end up feeling lonely and bitter. Wait. It's not love I'm describing. I'm thinking of a monorail. Martial Arts Blog:http://bujutsublogger.blogspot.com/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GrrrArg Posted July 27, 2003 Share Posted July 27, 2003 Give a man a fire and he will be warm for the night. Set fire to a man and he will be warm for the rest of his life. :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sansoouser Posted July 29, 2003 Share Posted July 29, 2003 more like this arg, give a man a fish, you feed him for a day teach him to fish, you feed him for life Three guys die and end up at the gates of heaven, talking to St. Peter. "So," Peter asks the first guy, "how many times did you cheat on your wife?" "None. I had a perfect marriage." "Great," says Peter. "You get to cruise around heaven in a Viper. And you, how many times did you cheat on your wife?" "Only twice, I think," says the second guy. "Okay. You get to cruise around heaven in a Cadillac. And you, how many times did you cheat on your wife?" "12 times. Maybe 13," says the third guy. "Okay," says Peter. "You get a rusty Ford." Later that day, the guy in the Cadillac sees the guy in the Viper crying. "What's wrong?" "I just saw my wife." "So?" "She was riding a skateboard." The amateur shoots his hands out ferociously, but lacks any true power. A master is not so flamboyant, but his touch is as heavy as a mountain. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GrrrArg Posted August 4, 2003 Share Posted August 4, 2003 Nah, I much prefered my version. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sansoouser Posted August 4, 2003 Share Posted August 4, 2003 in my version he stayed alive The amateur shoots his hands out ferociously, but lacks any true power. A master is not so flamboyant, but his touch is as heavy as a mountain. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GrrrArg Posted August 5, 2003 Share Posted August 5, 2003 ...exactly Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Icetuete Posted August 6, 2003 Share Posted August 6, 2003 yeah, very good Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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