What would you do? if during class you noticed

[advfhorn]

What would you do if you were training at the dojo and working with a teen and you realized they were "cutting" (meaning self-mutilation)?

[Zaine]

Talk to their parents immediately. That's a serious issue and it shouldn't go unnoticed.

[mal103]

Don't rush in....

A good club will have child protection officers, one male and one female. They should have done the protection children in sports course that will outline the best ways to deal with these situations and who to contact.

There are professional groups etc who are experts in these areas, they just need to know.

If your club or Sensei give you a blank look when you raise your concerns then maybe they haven't the correct support network so then maybe look at investigating who to contact. In the UK we have a non emergency number for the Police and things like citizen advise bureau, think about contacting them or the local council etc.

Sometimes the parents ARE the problem so you could be making the situation worse and their reaction could be to stop their training which removes the teen from where they could get help.

You could try talking to the teen but this may not work either or have negative effects.

They could also just be clumsy but please speak with people and let us know what the outcome is. Too many people cry out for help in ways like this, unfortunately if it escalates then it could get a lot worse.

[Gazrichards]

Good post Mal.

Don't tell the parents. That's likely to cause more problems and the parents could be the reason behind many of the issues.

Talk to the kid, as a friend rather than an adult claiming to know better.

If you are not the instructor then talk to him as its quite likely the kid holds the sensei in quite high regard.

I had suspicions about a girl in my dojo a few years ago. She used to wear like thick tights on her forearms and said it was to protect her eczema. She was one of the loveliest kids I've ever taught and "didn't seem like the type" as she was outwardly happy. She then disappeared off the scene and told us that she was in hospital suffering asthma attacks. Turns out she was suffering with depression.

the fact that I didn't try and act on what I suspected still bothers me a bit now (this is maybe 7 years ago!)

If this is handled badly it could go really wrong so think hard about what to do.

If yunarenthe instructor then you have some duty of care but if they are not cutting themselves in your class it isn't really any of your business. it may be that all you can do is let them know you are available to talk to if they want and try and be as normal as possible with them until they decide to talk.

[sensei8]

Talk to their parents immediately. That's a serious issue and it shouldn't go unnoticed.

Ditto!!

[Zaine]

If the parents are abusive and harmful then look for the signs. Chances are that the child will exhibit signs of abuse and in that case CPS should be called. However, barring that parents should be told. There is no reason to automatically expect that the parents are abusive and (speaking as a parent) this is something that the parents need to know. I know that growing up I knew people who cut and self mutilated and more times it was due to other stressors and, if it had to do with the parents at all, it was as an act of rebellion, something teenagers do. So, I cannot stress this enough, tell the parents.

[Zaine]

So I talked to my brother-in-law who is a counselor so that I could get a professional opinion on it. He sent me a link (below) that is a great resource to how something like this should be handled. To add, if you are not a instructor or the Sensei of your dojo, you should also inform them, it's their space and they might have more experience with this type of thing. He also mentioned that the teen should be given the option to tell the parents first, as doing so is a better way for the teen to start the healing process. Again though, if you are not the Sensei, please bring this, along with the article, to their attention.

http://www.aamft.org/iMIS15/AAMFT/Content/consumer_updates/adolescent_self_harm.aspx

[mal103]

It's interesting to see the different attitudes towards this problem, I would expect an "old-school" Sensei to just tell the parents and be done with it, but modern thinking has changed slightly.

I still think that you should NOT speak directly to the parents, if you are not the Sensei or club's Child Protection Officer (or even staff) then you should inform them immediately.

As an Instructor or CPO then in this case it would be appropriate to speak in private to the teen and assess the next move, during the conversation you can maybe ask if their parents are aware.

After this then decide who to speak to next, they will likely lie to cover up the problem but you should be able to tell by the reaction to your questions, make sure to ensure they can speak with you at any time about anything.

In the UK we have Social Services or similar support groups which can be found via the local council/authorities. Even if you ask them for advice. They may be aware of previous problems and can investigate.

We also have a Duty of Care to do something, follow up on your reporting, ask the Sensei what happened, if it's been passed onto Social Services etc then you know it will be dealt with or recorded.

Get this wrong and the student will disappear or get in worse trouble. If it gets a lot worse for them then the normal reaction is "nobody knew" or "if only someone had done something"....

The responsibility is currently yours.

For anyone reading this that doesn't know what a Child Support Officer should do, or are not aware of courses like Protecting Children in Sports then maybe it's time to find out about them, or the local equivalent in your country.

http://www.sportscoachuk.org/workshops/workshop-search/results?term=Safeguarding+%26+Protecting+Children

Edit

Just like to add that the above is my opinion and obviously doesn't match that of the majority or the admin, because of this some posts have been removed. I thought the idea of a forum was to share opinions? This is now my last post here, ever.

Edited February 1, 2015 by mal103

[vaporman]

How about working with him in private first? Use your judgement.

[DWx]

I have to say I agree with mal.

My first instinct would be to tell your Support Officer (if you have one). Failing that, your sensei. If you do approach the teen in question, by non-judgmental and understanding.