Trouble Sparring Small Childre... please help

[Eric7_27]

Yesterday I helped out at a belt test being held for white and gold belts as I normally do. Since I have started martial arts regardless of how long I can stay (job permitting), I always come and help out with the belt tests in self defense, sparring and whatever my instructors need help on. But I seem to have trouble when sparring the kids. Like for instance, I try not to hit hard obviously, but when I was sparring a gold belt girl who's about 10, they said go and she came at me and I tried a light jab to the padding on her helmet, but it hit her kind of hard. Immediately I went to her and tried to see if she was alright as did the head instructor, I felt extremely aweful as it looked like I hurt her as her head went back a bit. It looked worse than it probably was- specially for those spectating. She didn't cry but was kind of shocked. Sadly, I have to honestly say, for someone like me who never does, I felt so bad that I had to fight back not crying myself... And as karate will do- dispite my clear evidence that I did NOT want to continue fighting, they had her finish fighting me. IT was all I could do to not hit at all but basically take everything she gave me including a nice hit to my eye (I wish it hurt more.) Her parents didn't seem upset but one of the lady instructors who is one of two that has brought up my dojo, I could hear objecting to my head instructor how it seemed quite excessive even though he defended that she clearly ran into my extended arm. None of the other instructors said anything at all. I don't at ALL justify my actions. Obviously accidents happen, and I went and asked her if she was alright again later on- which she really seemed to be. But it IS my responsibility to somehow manage the fight as I am older etc. I'm not some fat big kid who doesn't know his strength. I'm 5'7, 150 lbs. I'm not a maniac when I fight, and I definately don't try and hurt anyone. I wasn't at all yesterday trying to win, but I feel like my motives aren't wrong in that I try and give them something to block and something to hit, but I'm not trying to hit hard at all or win. It's not that this seems like just an accident, but a pattern hence the title.

My instructor has talked to me about being lighter etc., but this still seems to happen even though the whole class before and after, there was no problem at all. I've fought some other kids and had simular things happen. But now when I fight I am completely off and it effects me when I fight those my size, rank or higher- in that I often don't fight hard. I just felt so bad that when the blackbelts were in the other room discussing who got a "red star" for achievments that day, etc., I just left. I didn't feel like there was anything else I could do in apologizing etc., so I just got my stuff and went home. I didn't want to be in the picture and leave a negative memory for the others. I don't know what else I can do. All the kids seem to really look up to me including the girl, which is one of 4 kids in her family who train at my dojo, and all kind of look up to me. I'm not thinking about quitting karate because of my inibility to somehow not hurt others while sparring, but I'm thinking about not helping with tests anymore.

I try and be completely humble, I'm normally extroverted, but at karate I'm completely intro- and at the tests, I doing only what my instructor tells me, fighting when they say to, and who to, and hardly ever speaking unless spoken to. I feel if in class if they ever ask me to sparr a kid I'll have to decline, but how could I humbly decline when I am told and have to listen to what I'm told to do? What else can I possibly do?

[ashworth]

I always fight at a very low speed when fighting children so if I do make contact by accident it doesn't hurt at all try and set a kinda rythm to it if that makes sense

[lordtariel]

Let me ask you a question... would it have bothered you as much if that person was over 13? My bet is you would have checked to see if they were all right, but it wouldn't eat you up like this did. It was an accident, and that happens sometimes in martial arts. It's one of the inherint risks of taking a combat sport. You didn't do it on purpose. It sounded like the kid was fine, so you should be too.

Usually when I'm sparring with smaller kids, I don't yield much in defense and blocking, but when attacking, I do move much slower and obviously lighter so they have a chance to react and counter. My sugguestion to you is to train more with smaller kids. Talk to your sensei and see if you can help out a bit so you're not so uncomfortable with them.

Honestly the hit was probably good for the kid as well. It didn't hurt her, but it did teach her she needs to be more careful, and it shows her that she can take little hits like that and still be ok. I'm not advocating thwapping kids left and right, but a little contact now and again is a good thing.

[DWx]

If I'm sparring children who are a lot smaller than me (about elbow level ), I usually just try to practice my techniques as though I was sparring someone my own height and kick above their heads when attacking but block and defend normally.

Sparring younger children can also help your own training as they tend to be erratic and rush in with every move they can think of. If you can dodge and counter (making very light contact) you improve as well as demonstrating to the child that they need to be more wary.

Don't worry about hitting the girl though. Kids are very resilliant, its all the old geezers you gotta watch out for! I'm sure she's fine and if her parents didn't have a problem then its nothing to worry about. Everytime my lil' sister gets hit she goes into school and shows off all her battle scars...

[Eric7_27]

thanks for the replys guys. I'll probably go to class tomorrow but will feel kind of bad still. thanks

[Shotokan-kez]

This is a big problem in our dojo, lack of adults but lots of children. We do sometimes spar on a monday night and i find that hard because i am the only adult, i often just tap the kids on the head, it gives them an idea that they need to keep their guard up. Generally they tend to try all sorts on you and come at you at 50mph thowing a million and one punches and silly kicks lol.

It's a difficult one i know, but when i spar with the kids i tend to take it as a bit of fun and get more serious when im sparring with a grown up. It must have been harder for you because it was testing and had to be serious. Despite everything you have probably taught this kid a lot, keeping on her guard and blocking, it's all part of the training. I think it's quite sweet and respectful the way you acted and i think other people will see that.

[Elky]

Try and relax. The reason most people hit too hard in light exercises is because they're nervous. You've stated that kids don't really hurt you when they hit you, so treat it like the game it is and don't worry about winning - just dance, tag and enjoy.

[bushido_man96]

Lordtarial had lots of good advise. The martial arts are a contact endeavor, and therefore, is to be expected from time to time. Not making contact should be the exception, not the norm, in training.

I think that the attitude that you have towards your instructor and your training is very good. In that respect, I would change nothing.

As far as sparring younger children, just do it more often. It is a good time to work on your control.

As you describe your situation, I do not think that you were out of control. The fact of the matter is that you attacked, and the student did not defend successfully. I think in the martial arts, this is what we call a lesson. You attacked with a very simple, very popular attack, and now the student knows that she needs to try something different to defend it.

In the end, you have both learned something about yourselves in this scenario. As the others have said, don't feel bad, and don't be too hard on yourself. We train, and grow. Later on down the road of your training, this will end up being one of those little anecdotes that you end up sharing with your own students....or even with one that may remind you a little bit of yourself!

[Eric7_27]

Thanks again guys. Thanks Elky, "just dance, tag and enjoy." guess I'll try that.

[jaymac]

Eric, you know in the past you too (as well as all of us) have walked into someone's extended punch or kick. We are sparring. It isn't ballet.

Hit happens What I do wonder about is why do the instructors need upper rank to spar children during a test. Why don't the testers spar each other? The only time instructors or black belts spar testers in our dojo is when they are testing for a Dan rank. Don't get me wrong, during the children's classes, we do spar with the kids. It is slow paced and usually I extend my hand and grab their head gear to let them know they are not covering their head. It is good training for them and me. We do not allow people to view classes or tests. If your school allows this (which you already indicated the parents were there), then the instructors should allow only the testers to demonstrate on each other, especially if it is a kyu rank and they are children.