zuluking Posted July 11, 2004 Posted July 11, 2004 I've been taking American Shotokan karate for 2 years. I work out hard 4-5 days a week, practice at home, and stay after class for extra training. Friday night I tested for my 1st degree Brown Belt. I failed. According to my Shihan, my stances wern't deep enough, my techniques weren't smooth enough, my grappling sucked, and apparently I didn't spar hard enough. And yet, I gave 100 percent. I left everything on the mat. Its been over 30 hours since the test and I'm still sore as hell, tired as hell, and mentally drained. I haven't slept except for a 3 hour nap this afternoon. It's 2 in the morning, and I'm devestated. I've never failed at anything in my life. I'm mad as hell. The test wasn't fair. My Sensai didn't train me correctly. I'm old, fat, un-athletic, and have no business practicing karate. All of these thoughts are running through my head. I love martial arts. I love training and working up a lather. I love learning a new technique, that "lightbulb" moment when you "get it" and perform it just like you were taught. I hate testing. Right now I just want to learn more karate and never bother with testing again. Brown belt, Black belt. Who cares? I'll show up for class, learn karate, and that'll be that. I'm an emotional wreck. I fight back tears as I write this. My wife is worried about me. I told her I'd be okay, but I can tell she's worried. She knows me well enough that she's been keeping her distance. I can't sleep. Everytime I lay down I re-play the test over and over in my mind. I'm wondering how I'm going to go to class Monday and not break down and cry when I see my classmates. I'm going to try valium now. I'm exhausted but I can't sleep.
Rotten Head Fok Posted July 11, 2004 Posted July 11, 2004 This is only my opinion, Your tired (exhausted) , your angry, and you love martial arts. I would step away form it for a week or longer, get yourself completely rested, don't even think about any of it, get away. Then when your well rested and of a calm mind, ponder why you are studing and practicing martial arts. Test are valuable, not when they foster an idea of time verses qaulity, but rather a personal look in the mirror reminding us that all our hours of hard work, studying, self-disipline is just that, ours, and ours alone with respect to past and future masters. We are but a link, and in our time we must be true to ourselfs about time, intention, and the qaulity of the martial arts we strive to perfect. After a certain level has been reached we know what is lacking, what needs to be worked on, if we are truly honest with ourselfs we can then begin to goto the next level which is that of a beginner. I think that's what a master is, someone that's figured out the simplicity of "the thing it-self". Ultimately we become our own teachers which may be why your Shihan is being so hard on you. Get some sleep, and I wish you the best with your thoughts. You must be stable and balanced in your foot work, if you have to use your martial knowledge in combat, your intent should be to win. If you do strike, you must release great power! The martial arts are easy to learn, but difficult to correct.
cross Posted July 11, 2004 Posted July 11, 2004 zuluking, Rotten Head Fok, made some very good points and I would like to add that belts are only a very small part of martial arts training. I would be questioning you instructors ability if they even allow you to attend a black belt grading without being fully prepared for it. Even though you 'failed' your black belt grading your skills are still the same has before. Its not like you suddenly gain a whole lot of new abilities when you recieve a black belt. Just remember, belts are just a piece of material and they are often not a very good guide to a persons skill, or lack there of.
wing chun kuen man Posted July 11, 2004 Posted July 11, 2004 zuluking, Everyone has made some good points. I would just like to say that failing is part of learning. You have learnt that you are not as good as you thought and that is not a probem, it is a plus. When you get back to your training work on your problem areas and just keep training regularly just like you always have. You are upset now, but give some time and you will see that it will be ok. Also, don´t worry about your classemates, believe me that they have had their fair share of failures in the MA´s if not in life, everyone has. I have had my fair share of self doubt during my kung fu years. The solution? Keep training and don´t give up. You have a great attitude about karate. You just want to train and learn, and that is enough for you to succeed in the martial arts. Now if you are still awake, go kiss the wife and think about the good things in your life, like the fact that you have a woman who cares about you and the fact that you have never failed before at anything - not many of us can say that . Relax your mind with these positive thoughts and sleep tight. Also, try not to take any valum to help you sleep. The use of such drugs are not good for your health and as a result will not be good for your karate. Good Training. Wing Chun Kuen Man Real traditional martial arts training is difficult to find.....most dojos in the west are Mcdojos....some are better and some are worst....but they are what they are....do you train in one?
ramymensa Posted July 11, 2004 Posted July 11, 2004 Get it off your mind ... it's hard I know ... Just think at it in a positive manner. You were there to test, it means you weren't quite an alien from it and that YOU'VE DONE IT. The test won't be as hard as this time. Test again when feeling alright and LEARN from it. Your sensei has made you a service .. he told you where you need to work. Focus on these sides and you'll improve dramatically. At this level expectations are very high. So you didn't quite meet them. But you know what's to be done and would work and solve the problem. The taste of failure is sour, but you are not alone in this journey. Don't forget about the ones that love you. You shouldn't fail them, the rest is just an ... accesory Now it's time to put it all behind and think about some rest and fun. Afterwards go back to the dojo. Head high. You are to be respected and you'll be amazed to see that although you didn't take the rank now nobody thinks less of you. It's hard at this level and your value should be well known. World Shotokan Karate
GrrrArg Posted July 11, 2004 Posted July 11, 2004 People fail gradings, there is no point in beating yourself up about it. All it means is that your not quite ready yet. I could go take a 6th dan grading tomorrow, chances are I wouldn't be ready for it! Listen to what was said and in a self critical manner try and alter it to what is required. Think of it this way, you now have a list of things you know to improve to raise your standard of karate.
Red J Posted July 11, 2004 Posted July 11, 2004 Zuluking, you have to look at this "failing" as part of your journey. In reality, your instructor may be looking at it as part of a bigger test and it would help you to do the same. The first degree brown is usually the last test you have in front of your instructor as most black belt tests are in front of a panel. It was explained to me that by passing your first degree brown you are ready to be put up for black. It definitely was the most grueling test that I have experienced. (I took mine a couple of months ago. I am being tested for black in December). Before taking my exam, I knew of two fellow students that were sent home sans rank for either their second or first degree brown test (note: first brown is the last brown ranking). They were watched very carefully to see what they were made of. In both cases the students dug deep and showed extreme character in overcoming this mental obstacle. They showed enough spirit to be retested in a short time and are better martial artists for it. Both of them just recently took their black belt test and passed without question. These guys were great examples for me because I knew that there was a chance that I could fail as well. When I passed, I knew the rank was earned. The other students have a little more respect because they knew how good these guys were and how high the standard is (and possibly that the only time you ever hear of someone failing a test is at a high rank as the lower rank tests are easier to pass). So when you walk into your class, do the right thing. Show your character by throwing yourself back into your material as if you passed. This is a temporary condition as I can tell that your passion and commitment will come out in a new level. I predict that you will rise to the challenge. Good luck. I had to lose my mind to come to my senses.
markusan Posted July 12, 2004 Posted July 12, 2004 Zuluking, my favorite little cliche is that the only time you fail is when you give up. I think that a martial artist is not the person who never gets hit, it's the one who gets knocked down then jumps back up and keeps fighting. And I know it's hard, but you really start learning when you take full responsibilityfor your performance yourself, don't blame your sensei. He may be wrong, no-one's perfect, but you have to do what's required to impress him. That's just the cold hard fact. I've seen lots of students get to brown belt black tip in TKD and them give up. Don't do that, that's crazy. Keep training and I guarantee in a couple of years you'll look back and say this was a good thing.
Dijita Posted July 12, 2004 Posted July 12, 2004 (edited) "...never forget the true virtue of humility." This is part of our dojo kun (dojo oath). I think it is one of the MOST important things martial artists need to learn through out their studies. Humility, or failure should never be seen in the negative light. It is something that we must learn to embrace and step beyond it. Its part of a building block that makes us mentally and physically stronger. When we fail to suceed at something we desire, it should be the flame that makes us work and focus harder. This not only applies to martial arts but should be a life lesson. Something to think about... if you have never failed at anything in life, have you challenged yourself hard enough to allow for failure? Please don't take this remark as negative but just something to ponder. Edited July 12, 2004 by Dijita
shotochem Posted July 12, 2004 Posted July 12, 2004 I'm mad as hell. The test wasn't fair. My Sensai didn't train me correctly. I'm old, fat, un-athletic, and have no business practicing karate. All of these thoughts are running through my head. I love martial arts. I love training and working up a lather. I love learning a new technique, that "lightbulb" moment when you "get it" and perform it just like you were taught.. Zulu, You are not too old and fat. There are many of us who started in our 30's 40's and older. I was grossly out of shape myself. Your problem IMO, is that you are too hard on yourself. It is very difficult for us adults to keep up with the 20yr olds. It's just a fact of life. You just learn at your own pace. I have not failed a grading as of yet but there were a couple I did not test on because I knew I wasn't ready. I did not want to just pass. I wanted to know, understand and apply what I've learned not just have a pretty colored cloth around my waist. Karate is a challenge and there is always room for improvement. Don't let a little thing like failing a test consume you. Let it motivate you to be that much better for the next time. There is no shame in not passing a grading the only shame would be for you not to learn from it. There will be more gradings. It's no big deal. Pain is only temporary, the memory of that pain lasts a lifetime.
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