Black Dragon Posted August 20, 2003 Share Posted August 20, 2003 This guy lives in Westchester, NY and goes to school at Ithaca College. For two years, he has wanted to ask a certain girl (who is also from Westchester and also goes to Ithaca) out on a date, but has never had the courage. Finally, one day over the summer, he sees her at home and musters up the courage to ask her out. She accepts, and they make dinner plans for Saturday night. Friday night, this guy goes out with all of his buddies, and drinks like Prohibition is coming back. Saturday, he is in such bad shape that he can't make it through twenty minutes without either puking or doin #2. After several hours of this, he is able to stop puking, but he is still running to the toilet every 20 minutes to do #2. He doesn't want to cancel the date, because he's afraid he won't ever talk to her again. So they meet in Westchester, and take the train to New York City (about a 30 minute ride). They get to the restaurant, and he excuses himself during the appetizers to use the bathroom. They enjoy the rest of the appetizers without interruption, but he has to go back again during the entrees. They decide to get dessert. During dessert, our hero feels another rumbling, but doesn't want to look like a complete bathroom freak, so he holds it. After a few minutes, the rumbling subsides, but he still has a bit of gas stored up. He decides to let this little bit of gas fly right there at the table (discreetly, of course). Unfortunately, this little bit of gas came with another little surprise. 'Oh s***,' he thinks (and feels). Instead of running to the bathroom right away, our hero immediately leans on the arms of his chair to keep from sitting on this surprise. He maintains this yoga position for the rest of dessert, trying to figure out what to do before his tan pants (a) start to smell, or (b) start to show stains on the outside. He quickly pays for dinner and they leave the restaurant. Oh, by the way, he is walking like a cowboy. On the way to the train station, they pass the Gap. 'Do you mind if I run in and buy a sweater that I was looking at last week?' he asks. 'No problem, I'd like to look around too,' she replies. They go into the Gap. Fortunately, at the Gap, men's fashions are on the right, women's fashions are on the left. They split up. Our hero grabs the first sweater within reach, and hurries back to the khakis. After selecting a pair that most closely resemble his current outfit, he brings both items to the register. His eyes are on his date (still on theother side of the store) to make sure that she doesn't see him buying the pants. He doesn't even want the sweater, so he says through clenched teeth (just in case his date can read lips from 40 feet away) 'Just the pants.' 'What?' asks the Gap girl. 'Just the pants!' (Eyes still trained on his date.) Gap girl: 'Oh, OK.' He pays for the pants and walks over to his date, then they leave the store. They board the train just before it leaves the station and find two seats in the middle of the car. Without sitting down, our hero excuses himself and walks to the bathroom in the back of the car. He gets to the bathroom as the train departs, and quickly rips off his pants and boxer shorts. He rolls them into a ball and throws them out the window. After cleaning himself off, he opens the Gap bag and pulls out...just the sweater. PLEASE TAKE A MOMENT TO THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU WOULD DO IN THIS SITUATION. As you must have realized, the only solution is to wear the sweater as pants. So he squeezes his legs into the arms of the sweater and pulls the rest of the fabric tight around his waist. He can only keep himself covered by hunching over. Walking will be a new challenge altogether. Rather than going through the absolute trauma of returning to his seat and explaining (or creating an elaborate lie to explain) the entire incident, our hero waits in the bathroom until the train stops at the next station. He waits until the moment the train starts to pull away from the station, then dashes out of the bathroom (as quickly as a hunched over cowboy with sweater pants can dash) and jumps off the train. He is lost and stranded somewhere between New York City and Westchester. He hasn't seen the girl since So recognize or be hospitalized Cuz literally on a scale from one to ten I'm 25. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
monkeygirl Posted August 20, 2003 Share Posted August 20, 2003 aaaahhh that's sick!! ...and actually kind of sad, too 1st dan & Asst. Instructor TKD 2000-2003No matter the tune...if you can rock it, rock it hard. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
benedictbm Posted August 20, 2003 Share Posted August 20, 2003 That is a funny , sad , and sick story all rolled into one...man i pity that guy......... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GrrrArg Posted August 21, 2003 Share Posted August 21, 2003 I've heard that one before.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Valithor Posted August 22, 2003 Share Posted August 22, 2003 How exactly is that humour/joke? Keep Smiling! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
monkeygirl Posted August 23, 2003 Share Posted August 23, 2003 Because you get to laugh at the poor fool....I think his situation is comical anyway... 1st dan & Asst. Instructor TKD 2000-2003No matter the tune...if you can rock it, rock it hard. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Valithor Posted August 23, 2003 Share Posted August 23, 2003 Hmmm.. Laughing at people's misfortune is funny if it all works out ok in the end. Otherwise its just not cricket.. Keep Smiling! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
battousai16 Posted August 23, 2003 Share Posted August 23, 2003 well, i think it's partially his own fault. why didn't he just ditch the boxers and wear his own pants instead of taking the risky gap detour? gotta think these things through. not to mention the stupidity of throwing your clothes out the window before you looked in the bag. still, poor guy... "I hear you can kill 200 men and play a mean six string at the same time..."-Six String Samurai Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SaiFightsMS Posted August 23, 2003 Share Posted August 23, 2003 Because by then there would have been seepage. And the pants would have been contaminated too. MEN arggggghhhhhhhhh Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
monkeygirl Posted August 23, 2003 Share Posted August 23, 2003 Good point, Sai. Valithor: practically every funny joke makes fun of someone else's misery/misfortune/pain/stupidity/misunderstanding/whatever. Very rarely does it turn out OK in the end. That's simply the nature of comedy 1st dan & Asst. Instructor TKD 2000-2003No matter the tune...if you can rock it, rock it hard. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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