reunion - revenge issues

[aes]

As a child around the public school age range I was picked on a lot. I was a pacifist and never fought back but this did not stop the bullies and I was beat up very frequently. I know I am partly at fault due to being quick with the come backs and this often got me into trouble. I recall the approximate 5 block walk home being terrifying and often got cornered and pounded.

 

This all stopped when I got into High School. Partly because I had a big growth spurt and became bigger than my foes for a short while, partly because kids grow up but mostly because I stopped showing fear and stood up to my bullies.

 

I know what you are all thinking, what does this have to do with MA?

 

Well now I have been studying MA for about a year. I am no Jackie Chan but I do know a lot more about effective fighting and how to really mess up someone in a few punches/kicks. Some would say I know enough to be a danger to myself. LOL

 

Well this weekend I am going to a public school and area reunion. I am sure I am going to come across some of my childhood tormentors. I am concerned about an underlying wish to get even with them.

 

Has anyone here ever been in this situation? Anger towards people in the past and you are now armed with some tools to deal with in on “their” level and unleashing them in pure pent up anger?

 

I am a pretty calm cool person. I am not a bully and will never be one, but I do carry a lot of hate for some people in my past. My Karate training has taught me to not use my skills unless I have no other choice but subconsciously I might provoke the situation and get myself and others in a bad situation.

 

Funny how one of the principles taught to me in MA is that from Karate you will learn to be confident in a bad situation and because of this often avoid the conflict due to the aggressor recognizing that you are not an easy target. This is what I think ended what I refer to as the bad years of my childhood and who knows, this might be what helps me go back and get through any bad stuff that may happen again.

 

In all likelihood nothing will happen but I do worry about, what will happen if it does.

[karate_woman]

Maybe the revenge will come when you confidently walk in there in good shape, and many of them are out of shape and look like crap because they haven't kept themselves in good condition?

 

I don't think psyching yourself up for a fight or confrontation is a good thing...you don't know what they've done in the intervening time period for one thing! They could be cops now for all you know... or members of a gang.

 

I suspect they've grown up and won't attempt to bully you, even though I think you really want them to try. Even if they were immature enough to consider trying to bully you, with your present level of confidence you won't likely carry yourself as a victim anymore. Also, in a reunion setting there are too many witnesses around for an assault to be likely anyway. Just go and have fun!!

[MSPav]

I can totally relate to what you're saying and it's probably a good thing that I missed my reunion by being out of the country at the time. Of course, I'm 29, not 40, so I've not been carrying this around for nearly as long as you. I hope that this doesn't sound too much like platitude, but you gotta somehow forgive 'em. It's more for your sake than theirs. Or at least, if you can't actively find a place of total forgiveness for them, then try to be open-minded about meeting them. As the saying goes (which karate_woman alluded to), the best revenge is success.

 

Hate hurts you; do your best to get rid of it. Don't even think: "If they start anything...!" If anything does start, I'm sure you'll react your best if you're relaxed and not dwelling on it. Otherwise you might wear yourself out with stress beforehand. And you won't look like someone who's come in with a score to settle. Those people are never welcome at reunions.

 

All the best, dude.

[ZR440]

Better off finding what car they are driving and pour a liter of water down into their gas tank.

[aes]

Thanks for the replies. Some good points. I guess to sum it up, if I go looking for trouble it might happen, but on the other hand if I act like a mouse it might find me.

 

We have all grown up and doubt if anything bad will happen.

[shotochem]

Hi Aes,

 

Ive had a similar school experience as you. I can tell you this.....

 

I recently ran into a few people I went to school with. The captain of the

 

football and Lacrosse team is now about 300lbs and smokes 2 packs a day, completely bald and works in a deli and convience store He married the homecoming queen who is now also not quite what she was.

 

In fact she is more than double the person she used to be. Its amazing how nice they are to me now. Back then I was 4 inches smaller with half

 

my current muscle mass and certainly an easy target.

 

Its amazing how for years you can fantisize about revenge then when you are really able to do it it just dosent matter.

 

They won the battle I won the war

[kchenault]

These people probably don't remember picking on you anyway. Bullies are like that. I'll give you some advice I heard a few years ago from a leading psychologist. You were (insert age here) when this happened. You are now 40. That was (insert number of years ago this was, you do the math) ago, get over it. It sounds harsh, but if you stop to really think about it. It is sound advice. If you let the past run the present, it stops the future from flourishing. Go and have a good time with friends you haven't seen for a while and relax. Most bullies never amount to much, so they probably won't even be there.

[monkeygirl]

Hmmmm sounds like Dr. Phil!

 

Like everyone's been saying: people change. Whether it's for better or for worse, after 20 or so years (I assume that's what reunion you're on), most of your class is probably pretty different. Think about how much you've changed as a person...imagine how much they could've changed.

 

Besides, you want to set a good example for your kid(s)

 

Even if the bullies try to pick a fight with you, try to avoid it if at all possible...don't stoop to their level. If they're being jerks, but nothing phsyical is happening, I would thank them. It sounds strange, but I would thank them for motivating you to become the dedicated martial artist you are today.

 

The stereotypical people who are popular in high school are really at a disadvantage. Oftentimes they are too concerned with social status to pay attention to their education. When high school's over, they're just another hamburger flipper at McDonald's. The people that they bullied and stepped on all through high school are the ones who become motivated like aes. They become something they might never have been, if it weren't for those bullies angering and motivating them.

 

True, some high school geeks will always be geeks; some jocks will go to Harvard. By making a generalization, I don't mean to exclude or ignore those people. I'm just concentrating on stereotypical Molly-Ringwald-movie characters for the time being.

[kchenault]

It wasn't Dr. Phil. It was Dr. James Dobson.

 

You know about Molly Ringwald movies? Just kidding.

[aes]

Thanks again for the advice everyone.

 

I have been thinking. I am more likely to get in a conflict on this visit because I:

 

- have two pierced ears

 

- shave my body

 

- dye my hair and wear it in a kind of trendy fashion these days

 

My hometown is very much a Northern mining town. When I was there last it was not very accepting to "new" trends for men.

 

This prejudice is nothing new for me. There will always be people that don't understand a person that likes to try new things.

 

I recall a nice University student working in my hometown for a co-op work term being jumped by a couple guys because they did not like University students and nothing more. Sad really.