What was the point of it all? Losing my mind

[JazzKicker]

Interesting topic, and thanks for clarifying your background and your situation. I could relate to aspects of problem areas you described as things I've had to work through, too. But I don't think what you're describing is really a mental health problem, unless it's interfering with your daily life and happiness. It sounds more like a struggle to figure out where you can fit in with like-minded people.

Now the critical part. You describe training in various arts with several breaks, but it doesn't sound like you ever got a black belt or significant level of experience in any one thing.

But you talk about doing research and deciding how it ought to be in karate. So putting that together, if you're meeting instructors, visiting schools, and have that kind of attitude, they're going to see right through you and tell you to go someplace else (like MMA).

I would say, like others have, keep training with the group you have and count yourself lucky.

From my own experience, after I reached a higher dan rank, I went into Hapkido, then JKD and MMA. Eventually the JKD/MMA group fell away, and I tried to connect with a new school. Pretty much any school that was traditional or gave out belts was suspicious of me and turned me away. Eventually I too, thought I'd reached the end of the line in martial arts. Then I reconnected with one of my old Hapkido instructors, who welcomed me, and now I'm a 4th dan Master. Do I agree with all the training, or the content? No. Do I know things I never get to do there? Sure. But I'm happy to be there.

[Revario]

Hello and thank you all again for your contributions.

 

Quote

One other question:  in the dojo you train at, do you have the rank or certification that allows you to teach, and if so, do you take that opportunity

No I do not. And I think that may be a part of the issue. Rank gives an idea as per one knowledge of THAT system in particular not of efficiency, understanding of Martial Arts concepts and continuum. 

 

Quote

But I don't think what you're describing is really a mental health problem, unless it's interfering with your daily life and happiness. It sounds more like a struggle to figure out where you can fit in with like-minded people.

Not to go in specific details of my life but my psychologist seems to think that since it is a something that I have been struggling with for more then a year and not resolved it is a cause and aspect of my depression I cannot disregard. Or perhaps because I am obsessing over it, don't have interest in people or friends that do not relate which isolates me furthermore. Sorry if it caused confusion as to me the anguish of continuing to bang my head against a figurative wall is very real to me. I am finally trying to seek solutions by asking directly. I feel I have asked similar questions in other format on this forum. And the answers seem to always be relatively similar.

Which makes me think that I am most likely wrong for doing what I do. Everyone's answer seems to be to put up or shut up. Learn the system regardless (like we all had to) and THEN you can do as you please. My question/dilemma is why wait? Tradition has to have reason. We don't repeat what was done in the past just to repeat it mindlessly. Many seems to be of that opinion (not just in regards to Martial Arts but many aspects in life) to keep things as they are since it was good for them therefore it shall be good for everyone...

 

Seems like I will have to learn to accept that fact plain and simple or move on and not be bothered. Ranks over Skills is what I gather everywhere in regards to this. 

[sensei8]

14 hours ago, Revario said:

Quote

One other question:  in the dojo you train at, do you have the rank or certification that allows you to teach, and if so, do you take that opportunity

No I do not. And I think that may be a part of the issue. Rank gives an idea as per one knowledge of THAT system in particular not of efficiency, understanding of Martial Arts concepts and continuum. 

Not all black belts can teach, and many shouldn’t. I’m not directing this towards you whatsoever. Teaching takes a special person on the floor to nurture a student because each student has a different perspective and learning curve.

14 hours ago, Revario said:

Ranks over Skills is what I gather everywhere in regards to this.

Ranks mean nothing!! Skills must be paramount over ranks; knowledge and experience are tantamount.

You’ll find were you’re the most valuable and successful and most happy in your time by your own standards and admissions; do YOURS your way and NOT THEIR way.

[bushido_man96]

On 12/20/2025 at 8:58 AM, Revario said:

No I do not. And I think that may be a part of the issue. Rank gives an idea as per one knowledge of THAT system in particular not of efficiency, understanding of Martial Arts concepts and continuum. 

 

On 12/20/2025 at 8:58 AM, Revario said:

Seems like I will have to learn to accept that fact plain and simple or move on and not be bothered. Ranks over Skills is what I gather everywhere in regards to this. 

You have to try to see it from both sides; yours and theirs.  An instructor spends a few months or years teaching a student, and all of a sudden the student appears (to them) to be acting like they've got it all figured out and can teach it better than them.  Or this student is pointing out what they believe to be the flaws in what they've been teaching.  This can rub people the wrong way, especially those who have a lot more time and experience with a subject than you might have.

To the first quote above, what I would suggest is to bide your time and put in the work to attain your instructor certification or rank.  By doing that, you will have shown others in the field that you've put in the time to get there, and when you start suggesting different ideas and approaches, you'll have that clout to go along with it.  Not everyone will agree with you, but having that pedigree will help you get more established and give you more pull within the wider community.  In the end, this will help you get down the road to where you want to be.  Remember, Martial Arts is a journey, and it's never truly finished.  So what's the hurry?

[DarthPenguin]

Thanks for taking the time to pull together the detailed write up! As others have said the issues / questions you have raised are not new ones and are ones that many people have and reach their own conclusion on. I would be surprised if your current instructor hasn't had similar thoughts at some point in his personal journey and come up with his own answer to them - have you tried discussing it with him? It could be an issue for you of "you don't know what you don't know".

Giving some personal examples: i was away from karate for an extremely long time, and only actually returned as my son wanted to train in it. So i went back, returned myself to white belt and started training. One thing i noticed straight away is that while i was away i had fallen into the camp of "they have lots of useless silly stances", when i came back i came to the realisation that the stances (in my view) are more of a type of body conditioning / stretching and a way of honing your body. When we do kumite we immediately shorten stances and go back to a more "kickboxing style" stance. My other experiences had then led me to a greater appreciation of what i am being taught.

I have also over the years come across many people who have the idea that they are going to ignore conventional training because they want to focus on "self defence and what actually works in a fight". Usually when i look into it more or try to spar with them etc. they couldn't fight their way out a wet paper bag. They will focus on lots of silly partner drills with a compliant partner and believe that if someone comes at them then they will miraculously be able to protect themselves from the knife etc.. There are obviously exceptions to this rule. I had a former instructor who used to like teaching knife defenses by covering a plastic blade in some paint and that showed you the cuts or stab wounds you would have received which was very eye opening - he used to be ultra practical and tell you that in reality you will be cut/stabbed in that situation so don't get into it or worst case pick where you will be cut!

It sounds like you had a decent Krav Maga school (which will have been good) but i must admit i am always a bit sceptical of them as from prior experience the style often seemed to boil down to "kick them in the balls", which while effective is hard to drill and practice!

If you are wanting to boil everything down to self defence then fair enough but i would build a decision tree with some questions and take it from there. I would start with: do you want to protect yourself in a way that minimises the risk of your going to jail? If no, then tbh get some weapons and build skill in using them and improvised ones; if yes then next step is what type of situation do you think you would be in? Someone aggressive starting a fight in a bar / location or are you in a more dangerous area where you might be attacked by someone with a weapon? etc. etc.

For me, when i asked those questions and follow ups (plus making allowances for age etc as i am 46) i came to a set of conclusions and i train Shotokan, Judo and BJJ together now. I also try to see where i can blend the styles together eg if someone closes range in karate kumite maybe i could use one of a few judo throws there and the one i use might be picked as it segues into a bjj technique i like etc.

In my view, when it comes to self defence you need to focus on gross repeatable motor patterns since those are more likely to be repeatable under high stress situations. You also need to pick things that work for you and suit your body type e.g. i am 6'4 and about 230lb (in US units) so i will be suited to different techniques to someone who is 5'10 and 160lb.

If i was to pick (from scratch) what i would want to learn to defend myself in my early 20s i would pick up 3 styles (one for stand up striking, one to deal with clinch range and one for on the ground) and would choose Muay Thai (you learn to judge distance, take a hit, deliver a hit and amazing conditioning), Judo (better judo schools in the UK than wrestling plus in public people wear clothes but if in the USA might opt for wrestling) and for the ground work BJJ. Learn all 3 to a black belt (or equivalent) level and you should be able to protect yourself in most situations, having applied your techniques on resisting similarly sized or bigger opponents. IF worried about weapons then add in some Kobudo.

If you want to start (in essence) teaching your own style then, being blunt, you need to acquire rank in the component styles you are using as a building block. Not because rank in itself confers any validity but it does confirm that a skilled practitioner of that style has independently determined your skill level in that style to be X level. If i looked into a non mainstream style and was told it was self defence focused and made up by the instructor i would heavily scrutinise the instructors credentials: i would expect multiple dan ranks in traditional styles; a amateur/pro fighting record that can be verified; a law enforcement/ military background that i think would have conferred the skills. Eg if i saw one from an individual who said they were a Kru rank in Muay Thai, 3rd Dan Judo, BJJ Black Belt then i would take them seriously (or something like professional bodyguard in dangerous location X for high profile individuals - with evidence). If i saw "have trained in martial arts since i was little, lots of breaks, not achieved Dan rank in any but i have done lots of research etc." then i wouldn't even bother looking into it further as i would want some independent validation of skills. Likely a little harsh of me i know but just being honest!