Geeting super shy kids to join in

[Nidan Melbourne]

This morning whilst teaching my White Belt Juniors Class, we had a young kid (approx 8 years old) and was super shy and didn't want to join in.

I tried everything in my bag of tricks to allow her to feel comfortable to join in, but I feel like I am missing something.

What I would like to know, is how you as an instructor would encourage to the kid to join in despite but super shy and hesitant to join in?

As an Instructor, when I come across a person like this; my goal for them is if they even join in for 5 minutes then its a success. But then the next class is for them to do 10 minutes, etc until they do a full class.

I explained that to the dad, and he was understanding. As I told him that as an Instructor but also teaching a skill it is sometimes more valuable and successful for when they simply give something a go over getting a belt or a 'tag' on the belt.

Even though he wanted to pay for the session, I wanted him to not worry and that i'd rather give his child another class so she could have another chance to have a go. As it is still a lot of money per month (even though it averages to $27.50 per week for unlimited classes) to spend.

And my CI is known to rather have a kid come in for paying nothing to see them come out of their shell.

[bushido_man96]

The shy ones can be tough. In the past, at some point in the class, I'd announce that "we're going to play a game," and then ask if the want to join in for the game. It can be a good icebreaker.

[Nidan Melbourne]

The shy ones can be tough. In the past, at some point in the class, I'd announce that "we're going to play a game," and then ask if the want to join in for the game. It can be a good icebreaker.

That’s one of my many tricks that I do, and throw them in throughout the class. As to entice them in and show that there is something to look forward to.

I’m hoping the more she sees me and sees what I do as an instructor, she’ll warm up to me and the others.

[sensei8]

Yes, yes, yes, and more yes!!

Play games with them...talk to them; engage sincere interaction with them. Kids can spot insincerity miles and miles away, and if they perceive any, it'll push them away...cause them to be far more shy. One the other hand, sincere interaction will draw them out of their shyness.

As CI, it's my job to make sure that whatever we're doing on the floor, I make it so tempting that the student is itching to at least try it once so bad that they can't wait to run onto the floor; the floor is where all of the fun happens.

Give them a meaningful duty/chore that only they or very, very few can/are allowed to perform while at the dojo. Trust me, there's a ton of meaningful things to assign. If you can't find something meaningful to assign, then the CI isn't even trying hard in that area.

Takes two to tango, and with a shy student, it takes two to create a sincere relationship; a mutual respect begins to grow, but only IF it's properly nourished, and by both parties, and as a group, parents and the like included in this formula, but the journey starts with the CI across the board.

FEAR = Future Events Appear Real

That's more real to any insecure person, and even worse with a shy and withdrawn person. Offer sincere actions, like, complimenting when it's due, yet not empty and vague compliments.

One of my strengths to teaching kids is that I become that age. If I'm teaching 4 year old's, then I become 4 years old, and if I'm teaching 10 year old's, then I become a 10 year old. Same thing whenever I'm teaching teenagers, I become a teenager. In short, I get to their level.

Adults are just bigger kids, and while I don't play games and like with them like I do with the kids, sincere interactions with adults is no different than with the kids. No matter the age, fake sincerity and all can be spotted miles and miles away. If any student, shy or not, believes that the CI is full of doo doo, than trust is damaged, and if damaged to much, there's no getting to them.

Integrity should be alive and well in ones own dojo, no matter the topic.

[DWx]

I've got a 10 year old who's been with me about a year now. He's chronically shy and hates doing anything where he might look stupid. I couldn't even get him to run around the room with the other kids to start with, he'd just walk around or shrink back away from everyone.

I think it'll depend on the individual kid but with mine I make a point of not drawing attention to him. Encourage him to join in and I pair him up with another kid who doesn't overwhelm him but I don't keep on at him to join in. I'll ask 3x maybe and he's not feeling it that's ok. And if it's exercises that everyone is doing, I join in and make sure I finish last not him as that seems to be one of his biggest fears.

[Nidan Melbourne]

Yes, yes, yes, and more yes!!

Play games with them...talk to them; engage sincere interaction with them. Kids can spot insincerity miles and miles away, and if they perceive any, it'll push them away...cause them to be far more shy. One the other hand, sincere interaction will draw them out of their shyness.

As CI, it's my job to make sure that whatever we're doing on the floor, I make it so tempting that the student is itching to at least try it once so bad that they can't wait to run onto the floor; the floor is where all of the fun happens.

Give them a meaningful duty/chore that only they or very, very few can/are allowed to perform while at the dojo. Trust me, there's a ton of meaningful things to assign. If you can't find something meaningful to assign, then the CI isn't even trying hard in that area.

Takes two to tango, and with a shy student, it takes two to create a sincere relationship; a mutual respect begins to grow, but only IF it's properly nourished, and by both parties, and as a group, parents and the like included in this formula, but the journey starts with the CI across the board.

FEAR = Future Events Appear Real

That's more real to any insecure person, and even worse with a shy and withdrawn person. Offer sincere actions, like, complimenting when it's due, yet not empty and vague compliments.

One of my strengths to teaching kids is that I become that age. If I'm teaching 4 year old's, then I become 4 years old, and if I'm teaching 10 year old's, then I become a 10 year old. Same thing whenever I'm teaching teenagers, I become a teenager. In short, I get to their level.

Adults are just bigger kids, and while I don't play games and like with them like I do with the kids, sincere interactions with adults is no different than with the kids. No matter the age, fake sincerity and all can be spotted miles and miles away. If any student, shy or not, believes that the CI is full of doo doo, than trust is damaged, and if damaged to much, there's no getting to them.

Integrity should be alive and well in ones own dojo, no matter the topic.

To the bolded, thats what i love and learnt through Trial and Error is to get to their level and have them feel more comfortable. But to be honest with you I do feel like if i can get to their level and have them enjoy class then I can enjoy it. As i'm not forcing either side to enjoy things, as we are mutually having fun.

But i'll definitely take your advice on board regarding giving them a small job to do. Does it work for the much newer (like 2nd or 3rd lesson) students?

I feel like i was on the knife edge with encouraging her to get on with including the parents and inviting them on. As I felt like I may have embarrassed her.

[sensei8]

Yes, yes, yes, and more yes!!

Play games with them...talk to them; engage sincere interaction with them. Kids can spot insincerity miles and miles away, and if they perceive any, it'll push them away...cause them to be far more shy. One the other hand, sincere interaction will draw them out of their shyness.

As CI, it's my job to make sure that whatever we're doing on the floor, I make it so tempting that the student is itching to at least try it once so bad that they can't wait to run onto the floor; the floor is where all of the fun happens.

Give them a meaningful duty/chore that only they or very, very few can/are allowed to perform while at the dojo. Trust me, there's a ton of meaningful things to assign. If you can't find something meaningful to assign, then the CI isn't even trying hard in that area.

Takes two to tango, and with a shy student, it takes two to create a sincere relationship; a mutual respect begins to grow, but only IF it's properly nourished, and by both parties, and as a group, parents and the like included in this formula, but the journey starts with the CI across the board.

FEAR = Future Events Appear Real

That's more real to any insecure person, and even worse with a shy and withdrawn person. Offer sincere actions, like, complimenting when it's due, yet not empty and vague compliments.

One of my strengths to teaching kids is that I become that age. If I'm teaching 4 year old's, then I become 4 years old, and if I'm teaching 10 year old's, then I become a 10 year old. Same thing whenever I'm teaching teenagers, I become a teenager. In short, I get to their level.

Adults are just bigger kids, and while I don't play games and like with them like I do with the kids, sincere interactions with adults is no different than with the kids. No matter the age, fake sincerity and all can be spotted miles and miles away. If any student, shy or not, believes that the CI is full of doo doo, than trust is damaged, and if damaged to much, there's no getting to them.

Integrity should be alive and well in ones own dojo, no matter the topic.

To the bolded, thats what i love and learnt through Trial and Error is to get to their level and have them feel more comfortable. But to be honest with you I do feel like if i can get to their level and have them enjoy class then I can enjoy it. As i'm not forcing either side to enjoy things, as we are mutually having fun.

But i'll definitely take your advice on board regarding giving them a small job to do. Does it work for the much newer (like 2nd or 3rd lesson) students?

I feel like i was on the knife edge with encouraging her to get on with including the parents and inviting them on. As I felt like I may have embarrassed her.

Absolutely. If a CI sits down and right down everything that MUST be done on a daily, weekly, monthly, quarterly, and annual, one can see that there are many things that can be assigned; no duty is too small or too large or bad. Accountability in and to the dojo is also paramount in nourishing all students, especially the shy.

Some 20 years ago I created an assignment for a very shy 9 year old girl. Most assignments were already assigned. First of all, I never treat these assignments as required and as it being a chore. So, creativity had to be explored to help break her out of her shyness. I created, and it stuck and became one of the best breakthroughs for reaching a shy student.

What did I do for this 9 year old girl?? I assigned her as the Yudansha Holder. Yes, you read that right; the Yudansha Holder. That was hers to do, and hers alone. Her assignment was to care for my ceremonial Yudansha, to bring it over to me prior any ceremony, and to retrieve it from me at the end of the ceremony, and so that it wasn't once every 3 months or annually, I added my regular Yudansha on a daily basis.

No, this wasn't an ego thing for me or a giving me some trumped up whatever, it was just a way to break her out of her shell of shyness. Now, whenever SHE was ready, she could resign from that assignment; it was always up to her. Within 6 months, she resigned, and she was the charmer and fighter that I knew was bottled up inside.

Appreciate those that are shy sincerely, that student will move mountains. Great reward for any CI is to see the warm smile spread across their face; priceless!!

Edited December 10, 2020 by sensei8

[bushido_man96]

That's pretty cool, Bob. Pretty special.

[DWx]

That's a great story Bob and neat idea.

[sensei8]

Thanks, Brian and Danielle.

Above all things is to reach said shy student is to just pay attention, and break the ice first, but do not push. The shy person has to be allowed the time to trust the CI and staff.