The Day The Dojo Deeply Sighed!!

[sensei8]

In the shelf life time of a school of the MA, they'll experience many things, some are expected, while some are unavoidable, yet both can change lives in an instant, whether it be good or bad, that'll depend one varying circumstances and expectations within that individual.

That ends my preamble.

2008|Soke passes away of natural causes; he was 91 years old.

2010|Dai-Soke passes away after suffering two separate strokes that year; he was 78 years old.

2016|While returning from a trip to Mexico, tragedy struck when our SKKA's Kancho, Greg Forsythe, as well as SKKA Regents, Thomas Stillwater, Jonathan Plouge, Ben Stevenson, Giichi Tanaka, and Yoshikazu Tanaka were all killed in a head-on vehicle accident in the very early morning of July 11th.

When those listed above passed away, so did many collective aspirations!! Not only from the Student Body, but from the very building itself, the dojo!!

Their constant presences was felt within the very four walls of the Hombu Dojo, from the most minute element to the most recognizable element, changes were sudden, yet, they were gradual.

Nonetheless, at each separate passing, the very atmosphere within the Hombu Dojo was slowly vacuumed out, and very much so, through the vacant expressions found on each face within the Student Body, as well as those who only worked at the SKKA.

Remove the life forces, then the seepage becomes stagnant beyond any comprehension; the wonderment's concerning the future of the Student Body can't be, nor should it be, ignored because it can't be denied and/or swept under any rug.

The absences tear at the very fiber of ones heart, both directly as well as indirectly, as to the very tone of how one grieves both personally and professionally.

I've tried to hold both the SKKA and the Hombu Dojo together to the best of my abilities; I'm no Soke and/or Dai-Soke, which were the driving and living force of either entity. I can't shake the feeling that I've failed those who have passed, as well as those who are still with us.

It's as though the Hombu Dojo deeply sighed in audible tones louder and louder with each ones passing away, and I feel that sigh deeply within my heart. On the other side of the coin, I feel that the void feelings within the Hombu Dojo, and it's continuation is due to my failures at bringing life back into the Hombu Dojo, that which was once strong before, isn't the same. I can sense it strongly!! I've tried to hold it all together with bubble gum and band-aids and bale wire, but with each passing, it's like being punched in the stomach; desperately gasping for just one breath, but none comes!!!

Many of you here might've experienced the passing of your Sensei or Grandmaster or whomever else, some time ago, or just recently, of some degree. In that...

*How did you cope with it or are coping with it??

Edited April 3, 2018 by sensei8

[Bulltahr]

My Club founder and CI Seishi John passed away while I was in the US in January, he was still practising and instructing right up to his passing at 84 years of age. First night back at training for me was very surreal, he was there I am sure, and I strived to train hard as we always had done. He was my mentor and friend, he has been added to our "greet" list and will always be in our hearts. Pretty tough going moving forward, but move forward we must!! As that is as he would want!

[sensei8]

It seems to me that we mimic what we've always done in the past; no new discoveries or recognition of value. As though the Student Body wants to be here on the outside, but on the inside, they're searching for anything that reminds them of a time long ago; they crave it.

But I don't know how to raise the dead, or if I'm suppose to. The atmosphere strikes me as though that which they're seeking, and I can't provide it for them.

The Student Body wants them back, desperately, well, so do I!!

Ever walk into a very familiar place, and instead of feeling at home, you feel more like a stranger, and not part of the family!! That right there, is as close to a description of what's slowly infesting the Hombu Dojo!!

Can't shake the feeling.

[sensei8]

I never meant this thread to be about 'me', but about how OTHERS might've coped with the passing of their Sensei and the like, or if they knew of how others coped with the passing of their Sensei and the like.

Life goes on!! I accept that!!

But the strangeness of walking into the Hombu Dojo is akin to walking in an area that's just been hit with some type of a natural disaster; eerie like silence; so silent that it's deafening!!

When I walk in, even to this day, since those tragic events, the room goes silent immediately for one reason or another, and this silence isn't a normal occurrence whatsoever!!

Any thoughts??

[bushido_man96]

I've tried to hold both the SKKA and the Hombu Dojo together to the best of my abilities; I'm no Soke and/or Dai-Soke, which were the driving and living force of either entity. I can't shake the feeling that I've failed those who have passed, as well as those who are still with us.

Bob, I empathize with your pain here. Your organization has been punched in the gut quite continuously over the past decade. To the bold above, I would say this: it is true, you are not Soke or Dai-Soke. But, I would say this: YOU ARE ROBERT MITCHAM!!!!! AND FOR THE BETTERMENT OF THE SHINDOKAN, YOU MUST CONTINUE TO BE ROBERT MITCHAM, AND IMPRESS THE MARK OF ROBERT MITCHAM ON THE SHINDOKAN, AS SOKE AND DAI-SOKE WOULD EXPECT YOU TO DO SO, THE ONLY WAY THAT YOU CAN! I say this with the utmost respect to both you and your former Soke/Dai-Soke, in that they probably never expected you to be them; they expected you to be you, and they knew that you were more than good enough to lead after them. You just have to do it the way you can do it. And I KNOW you can and will do this.

It's as though the Hombu Dojo deeply sighed in audible tones louder and louder with each ones passing away, and I feel that sigh deeply within my heart. On the other side of the coin, I feel that the void feelings within the Hombu Dojo, and it's continuation is due to my failures at bringing life back into the Hombu Dojo, that which was once strong before, isn't the same. I can sense it strongly!! I've tried to hold it all together with bubble gum and band-aids and bale wire, but with each passing, it's like being punched in the stomach; desperately gasping for just one breath, but none comes!!!

I'm very sure the absences are noticeable, and like any, they will be for some time. But, time heals all wounds, and these will heal as well. If you feel that you have failed, that's fine! We all get knocked down once in a while. You just have to get up! Knocked down 7 times, get up 8! Use the memory of your fallen comrades to drive you forward in honor of their memory, and prepare to take the Hombu forward the way I know that you can.

You've got this, Bob!

[JR 137]

I haven’t experienced this, so I can’t give any truly first-person perspective. And I agree with Brian 100% here. Here’s my thoughts and somewhat related experience...

You’ll never be Soke, Dai-Soke, the the Regents group who’s tragically passed, nor anyone else. But on the flip-side, they would’ve been you. What works for you personally probably wouldn’t have worked for them; what worked for them wouldn’t have worked for you. The only thing you can really do is what’s right for the students and the organization. You may take a different path to get where you want the organization as a whole to go, but in the end I’m sure you’re taking it to the same place they were trying to take it. Easier said than done, and I don’t envy your position; but I have the utmost respect for your intentions. Intentions are what’s truly important here.

As to the melancholy feeling, I wish I had some advice. If you’ve got a way to truly and fully overcome the loss of people close to your heart, I’m all ears. My great-grandmother passed away in 1995. Easily one of the most influential people in my life, and one of my favorite people in the world. There hasn’t been a single day where I didn’t think about her. My grandmother (her daughter) passed away almost a year ago now. Same thing. I know there won’t be a day I’m alive that I won’t think of both of them. I drive by my grandmother’s house every day on my way to and from work. I look through her window and get a huge lump in my throat every time. No idea how or when that’ll ever stop. I’m sure it won’t. All I can do is accept it. No point in ignoring it nor trying to bury it.

When I pray, I thank God for allowing me to have known them the way I did. I have no regrets. The most painful thing for me is my kids will never know them as I do. They’ll pretty much be little more than people from stories their dad tells them.

Time eases the wounds, but it’s never fully healed mine.

Sorry for the novel and selfishly pouring my heart out here. All you can do is honor the past, take the organization into the future, all while staying in the p

moment.

Edit: That last line isn’t mine; it’s paraphrased Akira Nakamura’s (Tadashi Nakamura’s son).

[sensei8]

Solid post, JR, one that I plan on to seriously consider!!

I would've loved to have known your Grandmother!!