Drama in the Dojo! Post is a little long..

[KarateLdy]

What system / style do you study Karateldy?

Well its a system he blended from several but primary influence is Shorin Ryu.

~Lynn

[JR 137]

Welcome to the forum, Lynn.

Reading your post, one thing really stuck out to me...

Regardless of if you're right and the sensei knows it, you're never going to win the argument when you complain about what his wife is doing. Even if he fully agrees with you and wants to change it, the overwhelming chances are you're not going to get him to make his wife change. Anyone else, quite possibly, but not his wife.

Sorry, that's all I have time for right now. I'll try to post more later.

[sensei8]

Please allow me to answer in my own way...

Hello readers, I come to seek your advice and opinions on a martial arts matter that has me pretty upset. I have been a practitioner for almost 4 years now with my anniversary next month. It has really impacted my life in a good way. Sadly, this may all be ending. I have tried sticking it out this past year but there has been no resolution to the issues that have arisen. I will try to keep this from becoming a book, if clarification is needed just ask.

As it's been mentioned to you already, 4 years, in the scope of ones MA journey, barely scratches the surface. Suffice it to say, yours has been both a fruitful one, as well as a negative journey.

Nothing ends UNLESS YOU end it!! Your sensei doesn't have that power...not before...not now...not in the future...ONLY YOU can decide that.

Whether a resolution to the issues has or hasn't been reached across the board, your stick-to-itivness through all of this, is not only admirable, but it's the mark of a MAist.

For the last year things have gone downhill. Little by little things were being taken away from me, such as certain responsibilities, exclusion from conversations among our instructor group as well as not being called upon for help with events. There has been an accumulation of events that it would turn into a long post, not sure how to simplify but these are the two biggest issues right now:

Sometimes, one has to focus of things other than those things of lesser importance, and in your case...LEARN!! Teaching is on the back burner right now for you, and for you, having only 4 years on the floor, that's a blessing in disguise.

Are you in the MA for notoriety; for your 5 minutes of fame?? Or are you in the MA for knowledge and experience?? I believe that the latter, would best describe your motivational intent!!

You had your taste, and you saw that it was good, and you wanted more of it, and not just as a passing craving, but more as a permanent fixation; it made you feel, well, important. In the sea of MAist, you were part of the inner circle, and that in itself can be like a drug, and without that fix, your cold-turkey withdrawal hurt you where it counts...right in the good ole' ego. You once reaped many benefits of being within the inner circle, and now that it's been ripped away from you without even the slightest ceremony. It's quite a disappointing pill to have to swallow...without any water. Sits right in the craw of your throat; unable to wash it down.

1.After a year and a half having my own day classes ( another instructor has their own as well) the owner leaves his day job and starts attending and helping with the claim that he has no intention of taking our classes over. (ok that’s understandable) . 6 months later neither one of us has a class, we are now on the sideline assisting. Students we have brought up through the ranks from white belts, poof gone. I could barely hold it together that first day of not being their instructor. That was probably the worst day ever in my journey. We had no reprimands on our performance, only good things to say about our instructing. The owner felt it was not worth paying us to teach when he plans to be there and teach also. I can understand to a point.

You were once one of the instructors, and not you're not. That's difficult for you, having been teaching on the floor one day, than not the very next day. Neither of you have a class to teach, and I get it...it's difficult for many reasons. However, you're assisting, at least...better than nothing!!

The owner, I suppose is the CI!! If so, then the CI has every right to do with his assistants as he desires. As the CI, he's the right to do whatever he wants to do with his students. And let's be clear here...those students that you nurtured through the ranks all of this time are NOT YOUR STUDENTS...NO...they belong to the CI...one and all!!

You'll not have your own students UNTIL YOU'RE THE CI!! If your not the CI, then you've no students, but just fellow dojo mates that you're assisting with; you all are students of the CI!! Owner...CI...no matter the title and/or the label, those students, as well as yourself, are the responsibility of the CI, and that CI alone!!

Yes, I get that as well...it hurt!! As it should be, and as it would be, for any caring instructor!! You became attached to those small band of students, but once again, you assumed a position that you didn't possess, not even in the slightest, because that authority belongs to the CI!! It's hard to not grow attached to students that you've been selected by the CI to instruct, but that's where the tire meets the road...you were instructing exactly what the CI told you to do, which in and of itself, is where the most difficult maxim for instructors to uphold...creating a relationship that shouldn't ever exist on the floor of any MA school...it muddles and numbs the senses when an instructor has to surrender those students back to their rightful, and only CI.

Concerning the CI's P&L statement...why pay for something that the CI is more than capable of performing himself. Business 101 states that unnecessary expenses must be eliminated expeditiously without haste. As painful as it might be, that's the evil of any business...survival of the fittest, no matter whom gets hurt in the process; the business must survive. The CI is only doing what a responsible business owner does...balance the budget in the hopes of profit.

2. There is a fellow instructor I feel has had it in for me from the get go. I came up through fairly quick actually. Was there 4 nights a week, for three classes each night for years. I took my training seriously, and practiced at home religiously and it paid off. I think that has caused the rift there. For the last year I have been getting snide comments, jabs on Facebook, and over the last year she has really buddied up with the owner’s wife and has her now doing the same crap. )The wife is half owner but isn't a practitioner). For these two to be such advocates against bullying, and showing compassion and respect, I find their behavior hypocritical.

Ignore it...ignore the fellow instructor...it just doesn't matter. You joined the MA for knowledge and experience, and not to join some soap-opera because they do not serve ones MA betterment...ever!!

Unfriend them, and whomever else you desire to find that peace. Don't feed into the negative...but only in the positive. Let them be who they want to be across the board, and that means that you be who you want to be WITHOUT THEM!! They're just not that important!!

Do NOT trade blow for blow with whomever because it'll be for naught, and in the long run, you'll suffer one way or another. Don't surrender the high ground, but at the same time, don't be afraid to surrender the high ground. If you trade blow for blow, and/or even read the negative comments, then you've already lost, and in that, you've allowed them to win because you feed into the negativity; it's senseless dribble!!

I am to the point I don’t want to go back to class. I have informed my sensei ( owner) of the problems and nothing. I took 2 weeks off to clear my mind ( I have never taken time off before), the jabs on facebook continue. I have had to restrict them so they can’t see my posts.

Go one step further...restrict it so that YOU can't read their posts either. You'll just make yourself absolutely crazy if you keep reading their unwanted, and unwarranted opinions. So end it!!

You don't want to go back to class because you're reading their opinions!! Listen, the only opinions that EVER matter to me are from my wife, Linda, and our children, Nathan and Krystal. Everyone else's opinions mean nothing to me!! If you don't go back to class, who wins? You? Them? Don't let them win ever!!

My questions, if I leave, there is no place teaching traditional martial arts for 30+ miles. My goals were to have my own school one day, but if I leave there goes everything. I have also started competing, how can I continue that on my own? Even if I traveled to another, I would have to start over. If thats the case then I will learn something different.

Then don't leave!! Train!! Nothing else matters!!

Compete!! No matter who else is competing!! No matter the tournament!! You're at the tournament for what?????...KNOWLEDGE AND EXPERIENCE!! Nothing else matters!! No matter who else is there or not!! Don't give in and let them decide anything for you. Whether it be where to learn the MA and/or where to compete!!

Do I stay and not give them the satisfaction, but endure the drama? It just reminds me of being bullied as a kid, I thought I left this crap behind me when I left grade school..

I don’t want to let down my former students or those in the other classes that I work with if I quit. I don’t want to be a sole practitioner stuck at 2nd degree for the rest of my life… but it sucks to be somewhere you no longer feel welcome..

STAY!! Do not ever give them the satisfaction. Make your own decisions!! Leave the drama for someone else who's not training seriously in the MA!! You give up...then you've surrendered the high ground without even a fight; just lied down and gave it up for what? Them? NO WAY...NO HOW!!

Be that better person both on and off the floor...always!! If you quit, the bully wins!!

Btw, there's nothing wrong with being a Nidan...for the rest of ones life!! Rank means NOTHING, and rank should never be the inspiration for learning the MA. If rank is important, then quit!!

Feeling welcome is important because it serves positively to learning. You don't feel welcomed, then ask the CI his feeling towards that. If you've already asked the CI that, and he's not too supportive one way or another, then be that better person by either sucking it up, and just train or, walk away in shame.

Please help, I have tried looking at it from all angles, its all just a mess in my mind. None of my friends know all this cause I didn't want to put the school in a bad light, but I need some words of wisdom.

Thanks

~Lynn

You'll be fine. You've my support, no matter whatever you might decide!!

[KarateLdy]

Thank you sensei8 for your eloquently written response. You are exactly right, sometimes you need that slap upside the head to see things clearer.

While I never responded to their jabs on my own posts, I did blocked them and things are already better on the Facebook front. I would deactivate my account but I do use it for business so I can't. Now that some time has past, I have the fire growing inside as it once did. They can't stop me. I will return next week on a student level, helping my dojo mates where I can. That does take the pressure off that's for sure!

JR 137, your right, I have no recourse when it come to the wife. I told my sensie months ago that I felt she will be holding me back from any involvement with future activities and responsibilities. And everything I said came true. That's perfectly ok, I am there to learn, nothing more and I am find with that.

Thanks again everyone, I appreciate all of you!

~Lynn

[Kusotare]

What system / style do you study Karateldy?

Well its a system he blended from several but primary influence is Shorin Ryu.

~Lynn

What's to stop you 'blending' things a little further and creating your own school?

[Alan Armstrong]

What system / style do you study Karateldy?

Well its a system he blended from several but primary influence is Shorin Ryu.

~Lynn

What's to stop you 'blending' things a little further and creating your own school?

I agree with kusotare.

Have taken the idea a step further by starting a new topic, with this idea in mind.

http://www.karateforums.com/starting-your-own-martial-art-school-vt50913.html

[KarateLdy]

What system / style do you study Karateldy?

Well its a system he blended from several but primary influence is Shorin Ryu.

~Lynn

What's to stop you 'blending' things a little further and creating your own school?

Actually I have already started working on my own curriculum..

But I still have much to learn before I leave the nest and fly on my own..

[Bulltahr]

Actually I have already started working on my own curriculum..

But I still have much to learn before I leave the nest and fly on my own..

That's great! Feeds the fire! As Sensei8 has said, this actually frees you up to dedicate all that freed up time and energy into your own training. Embrace the opportunity...............

[bushido_man96]

There are lots of good points being made here, and I think Kusotare has some particularly good ones.

Ask yourself this: strip away all the other stuff, do you still enjoy training at that school, and do you find what you are learning to be of value?

If the answer to that question is yes, then I'd say drop the problem people from your Facebook page, ignore the noise, and keep training. If it isn't, then driving 30 minutes to a training facility that you enjoy isn't a huge sacrifice, especially with the amount of time you mentioned you spent training.

Those are my thoughts. Please keep us posted as to what you decide to do.

Recall one of the major tenets of the Martial Arts: perseverance. Its not just through physical adversity...

[MatsuShinshii]

As far as the CI taking over your class goes, that is his/her right to do so. You say you have been studying for four years, that is a blip in time for most instructors. In fact most do not start instructing for many years more.

I think your missing the important context in this. You were asked to teach classes. You got that chance. I venture to say the CI never said it was indefinite so why worry about it? Move on and you'll get another chance.

As far as the other instructor is concerned... there will always be someone that has an attitude. You are doing nothing more than feeding the fire by joining in on the antics. Train, learn and nothing else. If you joined the Dojo as a social networking project you joined for the wrong reasons. It's YOUR journey. Singular. No one can do it for you and no one can make stay or leave. The decision is in one persons hands and that one person is you.

Stay, go, it matter little. You have to ask yourself if you enjoy what you are doing and if your doing it for the right reasons. Teaching takes humility and putting you ego away. It's about the students and not about you and this other instructor. Maybe the CI removed your classes because of the rift between you and this other instructor. After all you're teaching his students and they are there to learn and not get caught up between the drama.

Lose the ego (your ego is the issue with your concern over what this instructor and the CI's wife is saying on social media) and do what you joined the Dojo for in the first place. To learn and improve yourself.

You can't fill your cup with the art if your cup is filled with animosity and anger for this other instructor. You're not there for her so stop making it about her or... just quite. Simple.