The good bad session

[JR 137]

had my first CT scan since just after diagnosis on Monday, going in shortly to see oncologist for the results so quietly crapping myself just now. this is to see if it has spread, and the most likely place is to the liver which would be very bad.

on more positive notes, I finally decided to try squatting in the gym on the weekend, I've been avoiding it in case I blow out my abs either from the internal stitches or the stoma. Was a very light weight, less than half what I was doing before, but it went fine. My legs complained more about working that way again than my core did. And my instructor bought me a present - new poomsae dobok to encourage me to get back into competition. though he also said he wouldn't let me spar yet, but he said that last time I did it during radiation and I must admit, that didn't go so well.

feeling much better in general though. Cycling kids around to daycare and taking the 20km long way home, and the under 5's footie team is a handful to coach but a lot of fun. cardio is a challenge but I'm working on it, 30 minutes after weights twice a week on top of training

Keep fighting the good fight, tubby. It truly inspires me and I'm assuming everyone else that reads your posts. Best of luck with the follow up. I'm quite certain you'll handle the results admirably, regardless of if they're the results you want to hear or don't want to hear.

[tubby]

its not often been called names brings me close to tears, but when the head of oncology calls me (or my scans) unremarkable that comes pretty close. It's a long way from over, but this is as good a result as is possible at this stage. Booked in for Monday to get my port implant removed, wont need that anymore.

but to prove how cruel cancer is, a mate's wife who is more advanced that I ever was taken back into hospital with complications this morning. now I feel awful about sort of feeling good with how things went.

[sensei8]

It saddens me to read what your head of oncology says, and I'm of the opinion that just because someone is a human being, it doesn't mean that they know how to be a human being. That person needs to learn to be much more compassionate across the board, and if not, then find a different job, like ditch digger or something that doesn't involve interacting with human beings.

Now that I think about it, I'd love to give your head of oncology a free karate lesson!!

You're in my prayers, each and everyday!! Hang in there...fight that good fight!!

[JR 137]

It saddens me to read what your head of oncology says, and I'm of the opinion that just because someone is a human being, it doesn't mean that they know how to be a human being. That person needs to learn to be much more compassionate across the board, and if not, then find a different job, like ditch digger or something that doesn't involve interacting with human beings.

Now that I think about it, I'd love to give your head of oncology a free karate lesson!!

You're in my prayers, each and everyday!! Hang in there...fight that good fight!!

I think you misinterpreted his post, sensei. His scan (in parentheses) was unremarkable. Unremarkable means nothing wrong, negative, etc.; aka what you want to hear. Tears of joy, not tears of insult.

[sensei8]

It saddens me to read what your head of oncology says, and I'm of the opinion that just because someone is a human being, it doesn't mean that they know how to be a human being. That person needs to learn to be much more compassionate across the board, and if not, then find a different job, like ditch digger or something that doesn't involve interacting with human beings.

Now that I think about it, I'd love to give your head of oncology a free karate lesson!!

You're in my prayers, each and everyday!! Hang in there...fight that good fight!!

I think you misinterpreted his post, sensei. His scan (in parentheses) was unremarkable. Unremarkable means nothing wrong, negative, etc.; aka what you want to hear. Tears of joy, not tears of insult.

Oh crud...SORRY!! After re-reading tubby's post, I take EVERYTHING BACK!! I'm an idiot...a moron...a jerk...(_____________), feel free to add your own descriptive!!

Sorry tubby for having misunderstood the post!!

So, congrats on the good report from the head of oncology; I share in your tears of joy. Still, you're in my prayers everyday!!

Oh yeah, I take back my offer of giving a free karate lesson to the head of oncology...instead...I'm going to give myself a free karate lesson with a huge two-by-four.

More than now, I wish I had a BAG OVER MY HEAD emoticon!!

Thanks for bringing that to my attention, JR!!

[tubby]

All good sensei8. to put it in context the cancer is gone (surgically removed) but it had been in many of the lymph nodes so there was every chance this scan could show it had spread to kidney or lungs, which would make it stage 4 and bordering on a terminal stage. I spent the night before watching my kids sleep and thinking I may have to figure out how to break it to them that dad may be dying. Having the appointment run pretty late just added to the anxiety, but Dr was good, before we'd even left the waiting room he told me the scans were clear and we ran through the follow up processes and contacts.

When I first met him 9 months ago he was very formal, I think partly as self preservation as a lot of his patients wont make it through, and he's opened up a lot since then.This time he pretty much bounced out of his seat and said "let's go find tin tin and get you deported". I had no idea that was his name for the manager of the chemo ward, and deporting meant to take out my implant port where I got the chemo injections. I suspect the Dr enjoys this part of the job, too often they know of the fights they don't win but the never hear again from the ones they do win so he enjoyed it as much as I did.

Edited March 23, 2017 by tubby

[sensei8]

All good sensei8. to put it in context the cancer is gone but it had been in the lymph nodes so there was every chance this scan could show it had spread to kidney or lungs, which would make it stage 4 and bordering on a terminal stage. I spent the night before watching my kids sleep and thinknig I may have to figure out how to break it to them that dad may be dying. Having the appointment run pretty late just added to it, but Dr was good, before we'd even left the waiting room he told me the scans were clear and we ran through the follow up processes and contacts.

When I first met him 9 months ago he was very formal, I think partly as self preservation as a lot of his patients wont make it through, and he's opened up a lot since then.This time he pretty much bounced out of his seat and said "let's go find tin tin and get you deported". I had no idea that was his name for the manager of the chemo ward, and deporting meant to take out my implant port where I got the chemo injections. I suspect the Dr enjoys this part of the job, too often they know of the fights they don't win but the never hear again from the ones they do win so he enjoyed it as much as I did.

Good news across the board. Thank you for understanding my mistake; won't happen again.

Just hang in there!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Patrick]

Good news, tubby!

[Alan Armstrong]

Thanks for sharing Tubby. Have great empathy for your fight against cancer. Not trying to over shadow you with my own health issues by having four heart attacks.

There is something strange about when our own body takes a turn to self destruct.

Yet we are living in an age that gives many of us a second chance, third or in my case a fourth; make the most of it!

Never give up your fighting spirit against cancer; once again "Thanks for sharing Tubby" all the best for you!

[tubby]

I can imagine heart attacks have a different mental battle - the immediacy of it, but the feeling of your body not doing everything you ask of it normally must be the same.

I got my port out last week. 15 minutes of cutting took 45 as it was so overgrown, I take that as a good sign my body is working to recover. Also got notice from the hospital saying my surgery to reverse the stoma is booked. Called surgeon who said no way whilst on the blood thinners. Talked to Haematologist who put me on the thinners and is managing the clots - he said major danger is past, you can do surgery now. I've left it to the doctors to talk to each other and agree. Downside is the surgery as scheduled is right before my 2nd dan grading. just wait and see on that schedule.

Also got a small cut last night whilst holding the targets. Amazing how much blood comes out a small cut when on thinners. and amazing how well modern laundry products clean blood from a white dobok.

Had to take a week off with the stitches in my chest, and it left me feeling flat again. Had to do the mental and physical equivalent of trying to shuffle some life into my legs. The instructor asked me to take the kids going to state titles in a couple of weeks and do nothing but work on side kick. came out sore but content. That little switch in the head that said get over the fatigue bump really worked.

Also getting a kick out of coaching the junior footie team. So much joy and life in 3/4/5 year olds playing a game, even if I spent half of it as ref chasing kids and pointing them to the right end of the field.