Inherent disrespectful student(s)

[Melau]

This is probably something every instructed experiences somewhere in their career. These are the students (often young children / young teens) that are inherently disrespectful. Towards "authority", towards fellow students, peers, etc. Often we, as instructors, only see them about 1 to 3 hours a week.

My question is, how do you deal with these cases? It can hardly be expected of instructors to correct flawed upbringing in such a short timespan. Or can it?

[Wado Heretic]

It can be a difficult matter; some children take to the discipline of the dojo like water, and others chafe but in time learn what is and is not appropriate.

Carrot and the stick is tried and tested, but you may only create the illusion of discipline. What one needs to do is keep in mind the age group one is dealing with; different age groups need different focuses, and approaches. Younger children need more focus on play and aerobics for example, where as you might need to engage in more dialogue with teenagers.

Ultimately; I like to employ a few rules:

1. Encourage good behaviour, and avoid punishing bad behaviour. Give poor behaviour no acknowledgement and in time it will extinguish itself, but encourage and reinforce what you want to see.

2. Always have mutual respect and trust, and never let anger get the best of you. Treat children like they are children, but not like they are idiots; they have their own life experiences, and what is important to them. It might mystify us adults, but never insult the importance children place on what matters to them. Also, always lead by example and do what you ask of your students, never lead from the bench, and always be a calm and anchoring presence.

3. Engage in what makes coming to the dojo fun; gamify elements of training (this works brilliantly for adults as well, people love games). Experiment with doing martial arts based exercises inside of a game format. Human beings are also better at remembering the start and end of an activity, so tactically it can be better to gamify warm ups, and cooling down.

Hope some of this helps.

[sensei8]

It can be a difficult matter; some children take to the discipline of the dojo like water, and others chafe but in time learn what is and is not appropriate.

Carrot and the stick is tried and tested, but you may only create the illusion of discipline. What one needs to do is keep in mind the age group one is dealing with; different age groups need different focuses, and approaches. Younger children need more focus on play and aerobics for example, where as you might need to engage in more dialogue with teenagers.

Ultimately; I like to employ a few rules:

1. Encourage good behaviour, and avoid punishing bad behaviour. Give poor behaviour no acknowledgement and in time it will extinguish itself, but encourage and reinforce what you want to see.

2. Always have mutual respect and trust, and never let anger get the best of you. Treat children like they are children, but not like they are idiots; they have their own life experiences, and what is important to them. It might mystify us adults, but never insult the importance children place on what matters to them. Also, always lead by example and do what you ask of your students, never lead from the bench, and always be a calm and anchoring presence.

3. Engage in what makes coming to the dojo fun; gamify elements of training (this works brilliantly for adults as well, people love games). Experiment with doing martial arts based exercises inside of a game format. Human beings are also better at remembering the start and end of an activity, so tactically it can be better to gamify warm ups, and cooling down.

Hope some of this helps.

Solid post!!

If that doesn't work and all other avenues have been exhausted with said student, then I'm only left with one option...EXPELL the student immediately with cause!! Disrespect isn't ever tolerated, and not even for any second!!

It's hard to change the mindset of someone who's under the duress of the parent. How the parent thinks, does, and says; is how a young student will be in ones dojo because that's all they know and what they know is correct and acceptable.

[Nidan Melbourne]

Correcting such behaviour can't be done in a short amount of time. Sometimes it can be done depending on the circumstances (ie. get hurt or sent to jail).

But promoting good behaviour and rewarding it can make those who don't exhibit those traits, then they will want to change.

Disrespect must be stamped out immediately in class. I dislike students who disrespect others as it is a big pet peeve of mine.

[Spartacus Maximus]

A very simple rule applied without question or exceptions or second chances: train or GO HOME!

The second someone is disruptive, refuses to listen or otherwise disrespectful, send the offender home without warnings.Call parents if applicable or necessary. They will either get the message or quit. Either way everyone else benefits.

[JR 137]

A very simple rule applied without question or exceptions or second chances: train or GO HOME!

The second someone is disruptive, refuses to listen or otherwise disrespectful, send the offender home without warnings.Call parents if applicable or necessary. They will either get the message or quit. Either way everyone else benefits.

I agree with where you're coming from. However, some of the WANT to be kicked out. The parents may have sent them there to learn self discipline, control, etc. in a way that they can't teach it. An instructor has to either accept the role of being a person who helps this student or reject it. I'm not saying everyone should or shouldn't reject it; that's up to the teacher.

A lot of kids who act like this actually want to please people, they just don't know how. They want to do the right thing, but it doesn't come easy to them. If the only meaningful attention they're getting (in their eyes) is negative attention, then so be it. With these types, the harder you push, the harder they'll push back. The littlest bit of praise goes a long way, even if they hide it. Praise them for overcoming their behavior (even if they only overcame it for a minute), and they'll start to turn around. Treat them like you want them there, rather than them being "sentenced to it," and they'll get comfortable with the positive energy. Earning their trust and therefore their respect takes a very long time.

If you treat them the same as you treat everyone else, you won't get anywhere. Keep in mind that treating everyone equally doesn't inherently mean treating everyone the same way. Everyone's different. Do you want to be treated exactly the same way as everyone else in the dojo? I'm better at some things than others in my dojo, and there's things I need work on that others don't. Treating me the same way as everyone else doesn't make the dojo a special place for me. I think everyone feels that way in one way or another.

Being a school teacher, I see examples of these kids in every class I teach, every day. My advice is so much easier said than done, especially in the heat of the moment. You can't measure progress day to day or even month to month sometimes. Sometimes, you have to look at where they were when they started, and where they are overall. I had a student with severe behavior issues last year. In a meeting with the parents in April, the parents were complaining that he had a horrible month or so, and he was regressing. My reply was "Remember how he was in September? Do you see a significant change? Overall what we're doing is working; we just have to tweak a few things."

It's the instructor's decision to take these students on or not. No one should feel obligated to do so. Being a student in your dojo is a privilege, not a mandated right. You're not a better person or worse person for accepting them or turning them away, respectively. You've got to remain true to yourself and your business.