No respect when teaching

[YashaSenpai]

Hi there guys, my first time doing this so Im a little new around here ahaha

Im having a couple issues when I help my sensei teach the lower belts new Kata and technique, and its that the lower belts have no respect for me!

(Heres the reasoning behind why, in helps that you can give me some advice on how to change things)

A couple years ago when I was a green belt in karate, my Sensei had a stroke! It was on the night of one of our classes so his wife called me and asked if I could teach in his place, of course I said I could, and thats what I did. Problem is, I made the classes fun, let the students talk, and became more of a friend than a instructor to them. now a few years later, I am testing for my black belt in a couple of months and one of the requirements is to get a certain amount of hours of teaching the younger students.

TL;DR How do I get respect from students who only see me as a nice guy or a friend? (Every time I raise my voice to quiet them down, they seem to be afraid of me, and I dont want that )

Thanks for the help guys!

[Lupin1]

I taught 2nd grade for a few years and I had a problem like that at one point. I was a fun teacher. I had high expectations, but I also liked to make class fun and, it's mostly my fault for not nipping it in the bud, but a few of the kids took it a little overboard and i had trouble reining them in when it was time to be serious and they were starting to get disrespectful with some of their jokes.

What really worked was just to level with them. Take ten minutes at the beginning of class one day to sit in a circle with the entire group and chat. Tell them you enjoy having fun with them and you know they enjoy it, too, but when it's time to settle down they're having a hard time. Ask them why it's important to settle down and pay attention. Let them come up with the reasons (so others can learn, so they can learn, so they can get better at karate, etc). Then have THEM come up with some things they can do to make a change and help their friends and themselves learn better (settle down immediately when you call them to order, "stop look and listen", etc). Then have them all agree to try it out. Everyone's gotta agree and you all have to be a team and help each other remember to be the best you can be. After the meeting is over, have a nice, productive class and then play a game at the end and praise them for their hard work and comment on how you got so much done and still managed to have fun.

Honestly-- the best way to handle it is give the kids some credit. Most of them want to be there. They want to learn karate. And, if they're over the age of 5, they know what proper behavior is and why it's important for learning. The more you turn it around and show them you trust them to know what's right and to do it (with some help, reminders, and encouragement), the more likely they'll be on your side and you won't be fighting them.

[Spartacus Maximus]

Children need and crave examples and role models on whom to base their own behaviours. Any parent worthy of that responsibility knows that children are constantly observing and listening. Especially when adults think they are not doing it! The very best thing for them is for somebody to show them that their behaviours are acceptable or approved.

The best and only sure method to get children to behave properly and follow instructions is to show them. If children see adult students training seriously, following instructions and acting cooperatively in a respectful manner, that is what they will do. There is very little need to tell them explicitly if children are put directly next to or between adults who are doing what is expected, right and acceptable.

Before applying this, it is most important to ensure that the adults you solicit for a presence among the children are fully cooperative with whoever is leading AND each other. Once the children start to improve, reinforce every and any positive change. At the end of their time, praise each one for something such as:

Little A practised very hard today

Little B was very helpful

Little C listened very well etc...

Add an honest smile and a good handshake or bow. Small things such as this go a long way and tell the children what is expected.

[sensei8]

First of all....Welcome to KF; glad that you're here!!

Respect is earned!! That being said, what have you done to earn their respect? If respect is what you're looking for from students.

Respect is important for all concerned. However, whenver I hear an instructor of mine worry about respect over the importance of teaching what's expected of them, I pull them off the floor until they get their priorities back in line with mine: TEACH!! The rest is just stuff!!

Having said that, if you're mean and cruel and demand something you've not yet earned, then you'll never receive that which is so important to attain.

Are you consistent in your teachings? Are you consistent in how you're treating ALL RANKS? Are you consistent in how your treat ALL STUDENTS? Bottom line is: Are you consistent? If not, or if you've answered "no" to even one above, then you'll not receive their respect...until you are consistent!! BE CONSISTENT!! Are you asking students to do things that you can't or refuse to do yourself? If so, the battle before its even begun is over.

If you're honest, fair, and you challenge them ALL OF THE TIME, you'll earn their respect. But only in time!! That belt wrapped around your waist doesn't make your students respect you as a person and/or as an instructor. Sure, they respect what that BB wrapped around your waist signifies, but what's wrapped around your heart? It's the teddy bear found within that anger Kodiak Bear; that is something that student see, and relate to, and respect.

When you bark at them on the floor to maintain order, don't bark to just bark; that's old, and gets opposite results. "Please...thank you", these words go further than one might imagine.

It's, imho, not how loud you get to maintain the order on the floor, but it's what you say and/or do when you are loud. Raising your voice is only an issue when your words are a personal attack to whom you're directing to; perception is reality to THAT person...no matter the intent.

Was your Sensei respected? If so, then watch him, or remember how he was, to learn pointers, then do that, but ONLY while STILL being yourself. Is it tricky to do so? No...it's not!! Remember this, not all black belts can, or should, teach!! If you're one who can't teach or shouldn't, then no matter what you do, you never will!!

You can be their friend and/or be that nice guy, but your first job is to TEACH!! After teaching, the rest is just stuff!!

Respect comes to those who least expect it!!

Again, a true karate teacher guides people and receives respect for what the dedication towards their own improvement and getting their students to achieve their own goals.

[Nidan Melbourne]

There is a line between being their friend and being the instructor.

I understand you were brought in a lower rank than normal, and you didn't know how to separate the two.

It is ok to be tough on them, as you have to show them that you are the instructor and that they have to listen. You can be friends with them (i believe) outside of the class but when it is class time you are in charge.

as others have said respect is earnt.

When I teach I am very firm with them, but i do reward them with fun when they have done a good job for the day. And learnt early on that just being the fun instructor gets you nowhere (I started teaching the day i got my brown belt). Some of my students do get worried when I teach them because they know that I have high expectations, and that I may call on them for something. But they get over it after a while when they realize what I am getting them to do isn't that bad or they know what i am asking of them to do or they give me a good answer. But I acknowledge to them when they have done something well, which would be giving them a comforting moment knowing that they met my expectations and that i said to them "good job"

They show respect when you give them the respect to push them to strive to be the best they can be and when they show improvement they feel like they accomplished something positive. But they also will show respect towards you if your completely honest with them (even if it hurts) they will learn from it and that they know your not wrapping them in bubble wrap.

When teaching the lower ranks you do have to show them that you are the boss and that you can allow them to have fun when it is appropriate.

For instance i have one student (8 year old) of whom is a purple belt, and this is the rank we start testing them on Gekesai Ich. Now previously he has struggled big time with some of the steps, now i ran him through the kata to see what was wrong. Following that i got him to practice certain steps in the kata several times so he can improve. By the end of the class he was so much better than before and I told him that i was proud of him and gave him a high five. He didn't get his kata tag at the end of the class because he got nervous and make a few mistakes. But told him after class that it was ok and you have gotten better anyway and to not give up and not feel bad for not getting the tag. Now normally in class I am extremely tough on the students, so by me taking my time with him so he can improve and being nice to him he learnt faster than he has previously. And the following class that he came to he passed because he had practiced everything that I told him but also what sensei mentioned to him. So his confidence grew because of the time we took to show him how to do it without freaking the hell out.

Even though you need to be tough and all that jazz, but still use please and thank you for results as it shows that you want them to listen.

[sensei8]

There is a line between being their friend and being the instructor.

I understand you were brought in a lower rank than normal, and you didn't know how to separate the two.

It is ok to be tough on them, as you have to show them that you are the instructor and that they have to listen. You can be friends with them (i believe) outside of the class but when it is class time you are in charge.

as others have said respect is earnt.

When I teach I am very firm with them, but i do reward them with fun when they have done a good job for the day. And learnt early on that just being the fun instructor gets you nowhere (I started teaching the day i got my brown belt). Some of my students do get worried when I teach them

Sobecause they know that I have high expectations, and that I may call on them for something. But they get over it after a while when they realize what I am getting them to do isn't that bad or they know what i am asking of them to do or they give me a good answer. But I acknowledge to them when they have done something well, which would be giving them a comforting moment knowing that they met my expectations and that i said to them "good job"

They show respect when you give them the respect to push them to strive to be the best they can be and when they show improvement they feel like they accomplished something positive. But they also will show respect towards you if your completely honest with them (even if it hurts) they will learn from it and that they know your not wrapping them in bubble wrap.

When teaching the lower ranks you do have to show them that you are the boss and that you can allow them to have fun when it is appropriate.

For instance i have one student (8 year old) of whom is a purple belt, and this is the rank we start testing them on Gekesai Ich. Now previously he has struggled big time with some of the steps, now i ran him through the kata to see what was wrong. Following that i got him to practice certain steps in the kata several times so he can improve. By the end of the class he was so much better than before and I told him that i was proud of him and gave him a high five. He didn't get his kata tag at the end of the class because he got nervous and make a few mistakes. But told him after class that it was ok and you have gotten better anyway and to not give up and not feel bad for not getting the tag. Now normally in class I am extremely tough on the students, so by me taking my time with him so he can improve and being nice to him he learnt faster than he has previously. And the following class that he came to he passed because he had practiced everything that I told him but also what sensei mentioned to him. So his confidence grew because of the time we took to show him how to do it without freaking the hell out.

Even though you need to be tough and all that jazz, but still use please and thank you for results as it shows that you want them to listen.

Solid post!!

And you're absolutely correct when you say....

There is a line between being their friend and being the instructor.

That line is often so clouded by many different instructors. Some mean well, but others violate the most sacred maxim of all...TEACH at all times!! It's a very thin and well defined line that many trip over. Separate the teacher from the friend. On the floor...TEACHER!! Off the floor...friend!! DON'T mix them up together because it can turn a professional relationship on a wicked down spiral.

An instructors inner circle needs to be guarded closely by the instructor. One violation is not acceptable by any means. Students might misconstrue the instructors intents...and this will spill onto the floor. The floor is to sacred of a place to allow misguided assumptions.

Guard that inner circle, and allow those in who can be trusted and that are mature enough to handle the inner circle relationships between student and instructor.

DON'T GO TO A STUDENTS HOUSE!! And if you do, keep it professional, and don't visit solo; bring another instructor. That will keep things professional!!

DON'T ALLOW STUDENTS TO VISIT YOUR HOME!! Anything a student might want to discuss can WAIT until the instructor is in-house at the dojo/Hombu. No exceptions!!

These two bolded rules above are what our Soke and Dai-Soke lived, and me, as their student, adopted their beliefs. Their inner circle was teeny tiny, and without ambiguity!!

On another note, being tough on students doesn't mean that you have to be mean/cruel!! If you're mean/cruel to your students, then you're making personal attacks...THAT'S WRONG!! I've expelled instructors for being cruel/mean on purpose. Misguided compassion by an instructor can be counseled, therefore, corrected, and can benefit all, but when an instructor is just cruel/mean, well, it's time to show them the door. "But that instructor is also your student!" Big deal!! NO EXCEPTIONS means that!! I've no compassion for a student/instructor of mine that can't be that consummate professional on and off the floor!!

Imho!!

[ps1]

Two things I see here that are going on.

1. I think you realize you were too buddy/buddy with the students and that has been covered. If you want to be an instructor to them, you will need to create a certain amount of distance. Not alot, but enough that they see you as an instructor vs a buddy.

2. Familiarity breeds contempt. It's impossible to go back on some of the people you've trained with for many many years. If you have another brown belt friend and expect him to treat you like a sensei (when not on the floor) then you're just crazy. If he/she is a friend, they will certainly treat you with respect on the floor. The best thing you can do is take those people aside and privately ask them to set the example so the others fall in line easier.

3. There's nothing wrong with a fun class. In fact, it should be very fun. But fun does not equal pandemonium. You're in charge. If people aren't falling in line, use the disciplinary measures you academy has in place.