How do you think I handled this?

[Archimoto]

I don't know ... I think folks are looking at this in the worst possible light. I agree that "don't you know who I am" may be a poor choice of words but at the same time she just threw his gear on the floor. I like Sensei8's advice. At the same time, to me it speaks volumes that he has his sensai's support - I suspect there are dynamics to this encounter that are not communicated in the post. Just a thought.

[Nidan Melbourne]

Just an update on the situation Sensei spoke to the parent in question and has severely reprimanded her for it.

And has told her that she is not welcome back until she apologises to me for what she said, and for her to find out the owner of the bag and apologise for it.

She is fully aware that the bag is mine.

Since my bag was open and she threw the bag off the seat all my kit was thrown onto the floor.

[Zaine]

That said-- I greatly dislike the phrase "do you know who I am". To me it implies seeing yourself as above other people and if someone used it on me, in my eyes they would have immediately discredited themselves.

I agree with this. As a MA you should be humble and should have taken the parent aside (like in the office) and handled it that way. Saying "do you know who I am" just leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

That being said.

The parent does need to be respectful of the instructors on the floor and any spectator needs to wait until after class to bring up any concerns that don't seem to be harming another student. I think that you handled it poorly in that what you said sounds like posturing and to an angry person that's threatening and (since they've already picked the fight option) it will only escalate the situation.

In the end, I think that she should apologize to you but I also think that you should apologize to her for exploding. I know that may sound counter to what you think but remember that you are an example and clearing the air on both sides is never a bad thing.

[sensei8]

Yes, I agree, she owes you AND whomever else was offended an apology for her actions, imho. I also think that you owe her one as well for your "Do you know who I am" comment...that's just me. It's up to you and your Sensei, and not me!!

[ps1]

Yes, I agree, she owes you AND whomever else was offended an apology for her actions, imho. I also think that you owe her one as well for your "Do you know who I am" comment...that's just me. It's up to you and your Sensei, and not me!!

I agree. In fact, I think you have a unique opportunity to show off the important character development traits that are unique to martial arts by approaching and apologizing for the way you said it. This gives her the moment she needs to become more humble and reciprocate with an apology for how she spoke to you.

Apologizing first does not make you weak, it means you have a stronger self confidence and are willing to take accountability for your actions.

[devil dog]

I look at it like this. As a Sempai you are looked at much more closely than the two white belts you were playing with due to your rank and age. As a parent she probably is not accustomed to this type of messing around and could have percieved this differently than you or I would.

It's a parents instinct to step in when they feel that a child is in danger of getting hurt whether it is her kid or not. I doubt she meant the disrespect that you picked up on but rather giving you a little reminder to take it easy.

As a senior in your dojo you must also remember that you are the example and new students and their parents will judge your school based on the way you handle yourself. I get where you are coming from but may not have handled it in the best way.

Personally that question does not show humility but ego.

As far as your bag is concerned - I agree that she was in the wrong.

No disrespect towards you, I wasn't there and do not know the tone or context that this lady approached you with. This is just my immediate thoughts on the situation based on the way you posted it.

[Nidan Melbourne]

just an update and to close the whole situation.

Sensei called the parent in question and he conferenced me in for her to apologise and he was to mediate it.

I took some of your advice and apologise for what i said. But she said "No you don't need to apologise for what you said. I am the one who should be apologising for what I did and that I was 100% in the wrong"

[sensei8]

Glad to hear that it's been solved in an amicable manner for all concerned!!

[Zaine]

I'm happy that everything worked out well!

[ps1]

just an update and to close the whole situation.

Sensei called the parent in question and he conferenced me in for her to apologise and he was to mediate it.

I took some of your advice and apologise for what i said. But she said "No you don't need to apologise for what you said. I am the one who should be apologising for what I did and that I was 100% in the wrong"

This is the response 99% of the time.

Many people are too embarrassed by their actions to know how to approach you and apologize. They aren't strong enough to do it. So, by you saying it first, it helps them realize it's ok to admit they were wrong.

In the future, I might suggest just talking to a person that acts like that toward you. When they are confrontational over what seems to be a trivial matter, just ask them how they're doing. This has worked for me on at least 50 occasions. Someone was yelling at me and I just stopped and said, "Are you ok? How are things going for you today?" Usually, it's something else entirely that they're upset about.