How do you think I handled this?

[Nidan Melbourne]

So last night at class whilst waiting for it to commence I was mucking around with a couple of white belts (not that type of mucking around that adults do).

They were basically going two on one (they do this every time since they started training) and I restrained one whilst dealt with the other.

Now this is where it got interesting, a parent basically called me out going "Sempai cool down" or something along those lines. But was incredibly rude.

Now I responded with "Don't you know who I am?" as she spoke to me disrespectfully and was incredibly rude about it. Also prior to that she had just shoved my bag (that was open) to the ground.

Not only did i say "don't you know who I am?" but also went "do you know who's bag you shoved off that seat you are sitting on?"

Several other people agreed with me on what I said and my partner that came with me almost superman punched her.

Now the parent was not a parent of either of the white belts, nor of any of the other students waiting for class to start.

I am well known in the dojo to have the best control of techniques and application of techniques that can be considered dangerous (Chokes, Locks, Throws, Takedowns etc) but are applied in a manner that is safe at all times for both participants. And also the two white belts have worked with me enough to know that I am not going to hurt them if they are trying to double team me.

I have never hurt anyone inside the dojo unless it was 100% accidental (there has only been 1 time that I have hurt someone but they acknowledged that it was both our fault), even if I don't like the person or if they deserve to be hurt (legit). And definitely wouldn't hurt people that are still learning the basics and that I am NEVER going to apply a full move on someone unless I am fully aware that they aren't going to panic.

With White Belts through to orange and/or red belts I will do the softer variant of the techniques.

Whenever these two have teamed up to take me on whilst off the mats they know that they are going to learn something from how i move and what techniques i perform. The one i had in a controlled choking (Controlling the head & jaw but no pressure on the aorta or windpipe to be a choke) was asking me for a couple of weeks on how to apply such a move and what type of moves the opponent could do to be put into a situation to be choked.

Sensei was watching as well since he was nearby and he knows that I didn't deserve to be talked to like a child. He also knows that these two were mucking around trying to annoy me but I was controlling them in a safe way without the risk of injury. And also said that the parent shouldn't have behaved like that and that he also acknowledged that the two white belts learn heaps from me when we are off the mats.

All the parents that are regulars to all the advanced juniors classes know how strong my technical abilities are and how strong my knowledge base is + how well I can apply techniques at different levels of ability/strength. And that I am crazy on safety of others and will look after them as much as possible.

And also ALL students that I train with or even teach have a large amount of trust with me and respect me enough to not hurt them. Plus all of them have said at some point or another that they prefer to work with me over anyone else (other than sensei obviously).

I understand this lady isn't a regular and I may have gone over the top. Sensei said that I don't need to apologise because I was in the right to question her when it comes to knowing me.

What do you all think of what transpired and how I handled it?

[Archimoto]

Sensei said that I don't need to apologise because I was in the right to question her when it comes to knowing me.

I think that says it all. Sounds to me like she was way out of line.

Actually sounds like she has some serious nerve. Great job in not getting too defensive and yet letting her know exactly how you feel. ***golf clap***

[Nidan Melbourne]

She didn't even apologise for behaviour either.

Sensei told me that he would talk to the parent in question and reprimand her for her behaviour.

I've been around long enough to at least get the respect I deserve. Also she at least respect others that are training there. And not to have an attitude

[Rateh]

Something I have learned over the years is that just because you are in the right, does not mean that it was right. In other words, imho, there may have been a better, more humble, way of addressing the situation, that would insure no hurt feelings on either side. Yes, you may have been correct and even justified in what you said, but there may be a way in the future that will leave both of you feeling good about how the event turned out. As it stands she probably feels a little defensive, and it seems like you feel a little out of sorts about it or you would not have posted it here. I speak as someone who would normally have said exactly as you did. Good luck in the future, I hope the two of you smooth it out. Working with parents can be hard, but the skills learned in dealing with difficult situations can help you in all areas of your life.

[Wastelander]

I'm in agreement with Rateh. While you may have been in the right, and the parent may have been rude, I think you could have handled it better. The phrase "don't you know who I am?" is a pretty universal set of "fighting words."

[sensei8]

As with anyone, I would've asked her to come into my office so that we could discuss what just transpired, and not on the floor...ever!! I'd have one of my instructors present during the meeting in order to protect the integrity of the meeting for all present. There would be an understanding by meetings end without having embarrassed anyone, particularly her.

If she was still unwilling to comply, then I'd escort her out, but not until, behind close doors, I informed her that she's no longer welcomed here until she can conduct herself appropriately!!

[CredoTe]

I'm in agreement with Rateh. While you may have been in the right, and the parent may have been rude, I think you could have handled it better. The phrase "don't you know who I am?" is a pretty universal set of "fighting words."

Agreed...

[Wado Heretic]

In short, you could have handled it better; however, you were in a high adrenalin state (mucking about as it may be, it was still a physical activity) and in a place you consider your own, where you have a stranger being impolite. I cannot critique you for that, and you were in the right.

I have had it happen to me, and there is one rule to follow; focus on the task at hand and shut out the audience. If a parent or student then registers a complaint about it to me after the matter; then I take the person complained about aside, and discuss the behaviour and why it is not acceptable on the Dojo floor.

Sadly; you put yourself out there, you will encounter these situations, and you cannot let them get a grasp of you. I cannot critique, but I would advise that perhaps you evaluate the behaviour that lead to the situation. A parent's sense of the danger presented to their children, or other children in a similar activity to their own, will be more inclined to think it is dangerous then you might. Have to be sensitive to that perceptive difference.

[jaypo]

I usually overcompensate on kindness because I have a short fuse! So I've worked for years (and martial arts has helped me tremendously) to keep my temper in check. And in doing so, I've trained myself to go overboard with kindness as much as possible. But there are times that I get pushed over the edge.

I think you were in the right. But I could see how some would think that saying "do you know who I am" could be interpreted differently. You may have meant to inform her that you were a very controlled, talented student who was working with 2 students to teach them something and that she should recognize that. But she may have interpreted it as "come at me, bro". I guess in short, you shouldn't leave anything open to someone else's ignorance.

[Lupin1]

Meh, personally I think kids are too protective of kids. They need a little rough housing to grow and develop properly. If you were clearly not hurting either of them, I see no problem.

That said-- I greatly dislike the phrase "do you know who I am". To me it implies seeing yourself as above other people and if someone used it on me, in my eyes they would have immediately discredited themselves. You should have dealt with it as one adult being disrespectful of another adult and his property, regardless of who they are within the dojo.