Earned or given

[devil dog]

I was talking to our chairman last night on a phone conversation based on a different topic when he said he was asking instructors if they feel like their students respected them. He said that 100% of them said that they did. He then asked them if the respect was earned or if it came with the position and rank. He said that instead of an immediate responce most were after a brief hesitation.

I thought about this along time and I believe that I have earned their respect through my actions but can't help wondering if it has more than a little to do with my rank and position as well. I try to treat everyone with respect and believe I treat them the way I ask them to treat me but I do get his point. The rank and position is a factor if I'm totally honest about it.

So I will pose the same question here. Do you think your students respect you because you have earned their respect or is it automatic because of your rank and position? And I'll go one further and ask if the respect is mutual. Do you show your students the same respect in daily dealings with them?

Thought it was interestingly put and thought I would share it with you all. Opinions?

[Nidan Melbourne]

I feel like 25% of my students only respect me because of my rank.

But still 75% of students respect me because of who i am, my knowledge, how i treat them and how I teach them.

Also if they respect me and i show them the same mutual respect or even more then they seem to work harder to improve.

Several of my students have had that lightbulb moment of how patient i am with them and how much i want them to improve even at their own pace and not rush it.

That 25% that only respect me because of my rank i have personally found are actually progressing slower than those who respect me. This is because those 25% aren't truly listening to what i am saying or what the instructors are saying. So they struggle with what we are doing; and if it is kata and I am going through particular details of some steps that will help make their kata stronger or will improve the kata as a whole.

[sensei8]

Great topic, thanks for starting it.

Respect begets respect!!

At first, I'm quite sure that the respect I was given by my new students was due to my title/rank. However, in time, my title/rank was no longer a concern, nor was it an afterthought with my students; I earned their respect, but only in time!! Not by what I did, but by what I didn't do. Respect is earned, and never forced upon either.

My students started to see, and still see that I'm humbled to have them as my students; they see me as that "big adorable teddy bear", their words...not mine!!

While respect begets respect for all concerned, the respect I have for my students is unanimous without reservation. I don't look at my students through their rank, but through their heart, in which, they don't wear on their sleeves.

For us, it's a mutual feeling that's been both given and earned in time!!

[Wado Heretic]

In my mind; whether it is given or earned, you should always be working for it. I set myself some very basic guidelines I must meet; I will post them in general terms.

Students are customers (in most cases and always if they are paying) and are individuals; they are paying for a service and you are a service provider. The main goal of martial arts is self-development, physical and mental; and that is an individual effort, not something gained through a package deal.

1. Always be available, in class and out, and always be professional when approached by a student. Do not give into buddy syndrome, you are a teacher to provide a service, not to make friends.

2. Treat students as individuals and people; remember names, and make an effort to create programs for each person, or at least diversify for different ability levels.

For instructors; you did not search out students, they came to you. If they do not gel with your extant class, or do not show you the respect you are comfortable with; you are always within your rights to refuse service.

1. Always train and demonstrate skill in and with the class; there is no excuse for standing to the side and barking out what to do the whole time. Be an uke or tori time to time, when needed. Join the line drills, and perform kata. It will boost student confidence in you if they see you practicing, and they will feel more part of a group if everyone is involved.

2. Create and maintain boundaries. If one group calls you sensei, every group calls you sensei. Dave who has been in the class for ten years, and outside the dojo is a good friend, does not get to call you Steve in class if everyone else calls you sensei. Allow no exceptions, and maintain equal respect for all on the dojo floor.

Those are my rules for myself; even if I am given or have earned respect, I do not allow myself to stop working for it.

[Lupin1]

I'm sure it depends on the person.

One of the things they always used to drill into us in JROTC was "even if you don't respect the person, respect the rank". I could never do that and still can't. If I don't respect the person (and usually it's because they've shown that they don't respect ME or someone else), then I don't respect the person. I won't be outright disrespectful to them because I, as a person, strive to treat everyone with respect regardless of how I feel about them, but I won't go out of my way for them like I do for people I respect and I'll take everything they say with a grain of salt until they earn that respect back (which doesn't happen too often).

That said, people usually all have my respect as a given until they lose it, so in that sense, it is given rather than earned. I give my respect freely from the moment I meet someone unless they do something (again-- usually involving treating another person badly) that causes it to be lost.

[hammer]

Not sure if I read this here at some point, but there's a big difference between getting a black belt and being a black belt.

Also, respect goes both ways. As a BB I never felt that a student was any less worthy of the same respect I afforded to other BBs.

I do try to respect the rank when I can, in theory it does represent the experience and knowledge that the individual wearing it has.

[devil dog]

At first, I'm quite sure that the respect I was given by my new students was due to my title/rank. However, in time, my title/rank was no longer a concern, nor was it an afterthought with my students; I earned their respect, but only in time!! Not by what I did, but by what I didn't do. Respect is earned, and never forced upon either.

I tend to agree with you. The student only knows what is in their mind but looking back on my early days I respected my Sensei because of the rank and position at first and after getting to know him I started respecting him for who he was, for his knowledge and for how he treated me.

At some point I no longer saw the rank or position but rather saw him for the man he was. To this day I still respect him and consider him a second father in some respects.

Maybe this is the normal progression since we have to get to know an individual before giving them our respect.

[devil dog]

That 25% that only respect me because of my rank i have personally found are actually progressing slower than those who respect me. This is because those 25% aren't truly listening to what i am saying or what the instructors are saying. So they struggle with what we are doing; and if it is kata and I am going through particular details of some steps that will help make their kata stronger or will improve the kata as a whole.

Thats an interesting insight. I have not thought of it this way but tend to agree that if you do not have the students respect they will not pay as close attention. I will have to pay closer attention to this in the future.

I can think of only one student but after reading this I believe you hit the nail on the head and have answered why it was so hard to get through to him. Great observation.

[sensei8]

At first, I'm quite sure that the respect I was given by my new students was due to my title/rank. However, in time, my title/rank was no longer a concern, nor was it an afterthought with my students; I earned their respect, but only in time!! Not by what I did, but by what I didn't do. Respect is earned, and never forced upon either.

I tend to agree with you. The student only knows what is in their mind but looking back on my early days I respected my Sensei because of the rank and position at first and after getting to know him I started respecting him for who he was, for his knowledge and for how he treated me.

At some point I no longer saw the rank or position but rather saw him for the man he was. To this day I still respect him and consider him a second father in some respects.

Maybe this is the normal progression since we have to get to know an individual before giving them our respect.

Very solid post!!

[sensei8]

That 25% that only respect me because of my rank i have personally found are actually progressing slower than those who respect me. This is because those 25% aren't truly listening to what i am saying or what the instructors are saying. So they struggle with what we are doing; and if it is kata and I am going through particular details of some steps that will help make their kata stronger or will improve the kata as a whole.

Thats an interesting insight. I have not thought of it this way but tend to agree that if you do not have the students respect they will not pay as close attention. I will have to pay closer attention to this in the future.

I can think of only one student but after reading this I believe you hit the nail on the head and have answered why it was so hard to get through to him. Great observation.

I wholeheartedly concur!!