KickChick Posted October 15, 2002 Posted October 15, 2002 shhh.... we promise not to spread the word shotochem! Good suggestion .... we have a child-friendly dojo. It is a family owned school (you will notice that when you see the school web site). We have a separate enclosed viewing/waiting area with a tv/vcr set up for the kids where they can also play and still see parents from behind window. I really do hope it works out for you. Good Luck and let us know how everything turns out with your arrangements.
BlueDragon1981 Posted October 15, 2002 Posted October 15, 2002 I would love it if my wife joined MA. I do know kind of what you mean. She has been caring for the kids the past year and a half and she recently got a job. Of course she works nights. So she sleeps during the day. I go to school in the mornings on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday (college). I drop the kids off in the morning to a babysitters. I get home and I have to watch them also because she is still not used to sleeping durning the day. On Tuesdays and Thursdays I have to watch them until 3:30 p.m then I go to work come home and help put them to bed. Its a busy time and it causes stress when you have to do all kinds of extra things your not used to. I'm adapting though. Mainly because I love the benefit of spending time with the kids. (although it may be affecting my work for school) I don't even have time for my MA now. I try to work out every once in awhile but its hard to make time. Your husband has to realize the benefits the MA gives you. Also it is good to get out of the house and if they have to go to a babysitters for an hour or two so be it. I think he just needs to get used to it. Of course I am a flexible husband that helps a lot. Make yourself happy but make sure things don't get out of hand.
kchenault Posted October 31, 2002 Posted October 31, 2002 Okay. I am going to be a little, okay a lot, old fashioned here. How is your relationship at home other than Karate? Are you meeting each others "needs"? I don't mean to get too personal, but my wife and I occasionally have these problems. We have 4 children, ages are 9, 7, 2, and 10 months. I am 32 and she is 31. Now, she is a stay at home mom, the most underrated, underpaid, thankless job in the world. BUT, one of the most important! She home schools and works part-time as well so we can make ends meet. Now you can imagine what kind of energy level we have for one another. Sometimes ZERO! You need to worry about your marriage first and foremost if you love each other. If my wife said tomorrow, which she wouldn't, QUIT! I wouldn't hesitate. What makes my wife happy makes me happy. Would I regret? Yeah, but I would get over it. There is generally a tomorrow. Best advice, get him to talk about his misgivings about you learning Karate. If it just has to do with the children, he needs to suck it up and watch them for a little bit twice a week. If all else fails, talk to your instructor and find out why you HAVE to be there twice a week. A Kuk Sool Won school here in Lawrence, KS has the policy of 3 times a week mandatory. I feel they are being exclusionary. Surely your instructor isn't that way. Most will understand if they are family oriented. I'll get off my soap box now. Ken ChenaultTFT - It does a body good!
KarateMom Posted October 31, 2002 Author Posted October 31, 2002 How is your relationship at home other than Karate? Are you meeting each others "needs"? Our relationship is great. I can honestly say "yes" we are meeting each others needs in my opinion. We have 4 children, ages are 9, 7, 2, and 10 months. I am 32 and she is 31. Now, she is a stay at home mom, the most underrated, underpaid, thankless job in the world. BUT, one of the most important! We have 2 children, ages 3 1/2, and one. I am 31 and he is 37. I am also a stay at home mom (Thank you for the compliment about stay at home moms) I asked him if he felt we needed me to or wanted me to work part time and he said absolutely not. Now you can imagine what kind of energy level we have for one another. Sometimes ZERO! You need to worry about your marriage first and foremost if you love each other. Sometimes zero is right! He and I have talked and we both feel our marriage and family come first. If my wife said tomorrow, which she wouldn't, QUIT! I wouldn't hesitate. What makes my wife happy makes me happy. Would I regret? Yeah, but I would get over it. There is generally a tomorrow. If my husband quit, I would say why did you push me to get a hobby outside the house. Then once I find one and am into it and enjoy it you tell me not ask me to quit. I have tried to get him to get outside hobbies but he doesn't want to. Best advice, get him to talk about his misgivings about you learning Karate. If it just has to do with the children, he needs to suck it up and watch them for a little bit twice a week. I have asked him to talk about his "Misgivings" about me learning Karate and he says he was fine with it until I needed to attend class 3 times in a one week period. I missed a class the week prior and was told by the instructor that I needed to make up the class before I could advance. (I never did make up the class!) I am still goimg twice per week but he knows the days and time (Monday and Wednesday 7- 7:45) He comes home at 6:30 every other night he gets home at 6 sharp and spends the first 15 minutes in the bathroom. then when he comes back to the kitchen and I say I'm ready to go he pulls this B.S. about me taking the kids with me. They don't have any child care at the dojo I study at) ~*KarateMom*~
Punchdrunk Posted November 1, 2002 Posted November 1, 2002 Karate Mom, there are no easy answers. It is a constant rebalancing in my home. Consequently i train intensely when my wife is willing but usually temper it with periods of pulling back. In addition to asking for understanding from your hubby you might want to talk to your teacher about ways to continue your martial progress while incorporating down periods for marital health. It is always hard to have a passionate pursuit outside the home when your spouse doesn't. One cannot choose to be passive without the option to be aggressive.
kchenault Posted November 4, 2002 Posted November 4, 2002 My heart and prayers are with you Karate Mom. I hope all things work out for the best of all concerned. Ken ChenaultTFT - It does a body good!
ZR440 Posted November 4, 2002 Posted November 4, 2002 Am I correct to say that life would be a lot easier without kids? If they bring so much joy, then why so many problems? I've never been able to figure that out. It's happy hour somewhere in the world.
kchenault Posted November 4, 2002 Posted November 4, 2002 Easier? It may seem like it. Unfullfilling and boring? For me, definately! I wouldn't trade my kids for anything. They make life interesting, although I may not always act like it. Children are by no means a waste of time, money or energy. They are the future. Ken ChenaultTFT - It does a body good!
ZR440 Posted November 4, 2002 Posted November 4, 2002 I agree. But, I see the same situation that KarateMom is going thru quite often with my friends who have children. I guess it just a part of parenting that time management becomes a hassle. I wouldn't know because I don't have any children. My friends always ask me when I'm going to acquire offspring and I tell them I'm waiting for a lease program. It's not that I don't like kids, because I spoil my friend's children whenever I can (I am an non-related uncle to about half a dozen) and I have even been asked to be the godfather of my best buddy's newest addition. It's happy hour somewhere in the world.
kchenault Posted November 4, 2002 Posted November 4, 2002 A lease program, hmm? Not a bad idea, but the lease would last at least 18 years!! And just like a car, the child consumes more fuel as the years go by and "breaks down" and needs to be fixed. Stop the madness!! Ken ChenaultTFT - It does a body good!
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