At what point do you have to say man up?

[AdamKralic]

Ok...I ask this on behalf of my 89lb son.

He has been put into the adult black belt sparring class as he hits hard for his size and has the endurance to fight for the full hour. (kids class fights maybe 20 minutes rest is drills)

Needless to say he is the smallest in the class by quite a bit. The next smallest probably has 4 inches on him. Heck there is a legit seven footer in that class. After his second class...he received compliments from two of the students in the adult class...and one scolding from a student. She complained rather loudly in the parent/changing area that he punched too hard. (seriously punching is his weakest...we train it to get harder and snappier...but he's all thigh muscle...thin upper body) Once he hits puberty it'll get there as he is coachable...just need to polish the technique and get some mass.

But back to the scolding. This woman complained that she is a 54 year old woman and can take some but not a lot of punches...that he needs to respect her wishes to not be hit hard and that he needs to have more control. I can see her point on one hand as the really big adults do not hit my son full strength...but then again they outweigh him by about 100 lbs. My son is 89 lbs.

I said nothing during the scolding even though it happened right next to me and she glared at me a lot. (I am used to parents glaring at me...somehow it's my fault that their kid cannot avoid/block an attack)

Honestly though? My thoughts were "what kind of martial artist are you if you cannot take the punches of a child wearing gloves and you have a chest protector?" They were body shots...not one head shot.

I told my son to avoid fighting her from now until the end of time. I do not seek confrontation. He wanted to really fight her. (as in really pushing her with kicks and not just punches) I said that would accomplish nothing.

But still.

[Zaine]

First let me say that the term "man up" is not going to be a good term to us (I would personally argue that everyone should strike it from their list of idioms).

Second, I think that there needs to be two conversations with your sensei. One on the part of the woman requesting that she not fight your son and the other with you and your son requesting the same. Not everybody comes into MA wanting the same thing and if she doesn't want to get hit full strength then that's her business. I also think that you and your son should do some control drills so that he learns the appropriate amount of power to use while sparring. Lets be honest, sparring is a lot different from a confrontation on the street. In a sparring match, the object is to learn technique and what works, not to throw the most powerful punch and do the most damage to your opponent.

[AdamKralic]

My son just made the travel team. Points are not scored unless they are solid. My son does not punch hard enough now. He tends to throw them out fast but doesn't pull them back at same speed thereby reducing their snap.

I really feel that there is a double edged sword in karate today. Many complain that the art has been watered down to the point of not being worthwhile for self defense...others think that it is a glorified tae Bo class.

I have made his regular sensi aware of what my son is doing. (Travel team has different leaders than his regular class)

I am of the camp that feels karate is about defense.

[Spartacus Maximus]

Your son should focus more on training correct form to hit with power and not waste it before going adding speed. The next important thing is learning control so that he can adjust how hard he should hit. This is very important in partner drills and sparing because he may be paired with a less experienced person as well as a senior student. It takes more skill to adjust power and to go full power all the time.

Obviously this lady thinks she is in an aerobics class. She would be better off doing boxercise if all she wants is work up a sweat. Does she think an attacker will go softly softly? If she can't take a little sting, martial arts are not for her. It is best for your son to find someone willing to work with him and avoid uncooperative or incapable people.

[Rateh]

I thought I would put this out there...

In our school we train a lot of "old" people. By this I mean that about half of our adults are 50+, with the oldest being 70. They all train hard and do their best, but due to their age they cannot do the same as the younger students. Many of them have problems with shoulders, arthritis, knees, injuries from their chosen occupation. None of them would I expect to spar with hard contact. Most I wouldn't let spar anything more than light contact. This would be for their safety, as their bodies are not the same as they were.

My only thought is, if this woman is 54, she may WANT to go all out like the younger folk, but it might be too hard on her body.

Just an idea.

[Nidan Melbourne]

It's interesting about what your saying. I had to look up the conversion of the weight of your child. Obviously I live in Australia and we don't use the Imperial System, so i had to convert to the metric system.

I understand where the lady is coming from about contact and her body may not be able to take it. BUT she should understand that in kumite that people are going to hit hard.

IMHO if she didn't want to be hit so hard, she would have had to told whoever her partner is about contact.

If she said that he was punching too hard, then why didn't she mention how hard he hits when she was sparring him?

Although what Spartacus Maximus said I agree with. As he should focus on correct form and then the control. Speed can be important yes, but doesn't mean that he will be accurate or have form.

Also your son does need to learn how to control techniques. As you can't just use the same amount of power on everyone. You will always fight someone who is either lower or higher than someone. So you need to know how to adjust it.

Since he competes he may find an issue on form and technique when doing techniques and the referee & judges wouldn't award them. SO he has to do them extremely well first.

also the term "man up" isn't an appropriate thing to say really. IMHO it isn't good because Martial Arts aren't only for males, but also for females. And also there are a lot of females that are tough.

[AdamKralic]

My wife's Grandmother was a Tai Chi Champion at age 70. Hey i realize that each and every one of will get old if we are lucky. I have no problem with reality.

I love football...would not strap on pads and play against people half my age though. Tai Chi might be more her speed? Hell there is no shame in matching your body type to a sport. My son is not in basketball for a reason. I plan on being world class at shuffleboard when the time is right. Love me some Bocci too.

I walk at night around my neighborhood with my son. Great time to talk about guy stuff. I suggested that if forced to fight her...to just take her shots to build his conditioning for taking shots. IDK really what else to do. He is good at avoiding and blocking...and she is not fast so that wouldn't really be a great exercise either. He does not however take too many shots.

He is training to fight people faster, stronger and more experienced than himself. That is HIS reality. He needs to be going hard in practice so as to not get really seriously hurt in a tournament. That is the reality that is not considered by some perhaps?

What kind of person would let their only child enter into big tournaments unprepared?

[AdamKralic]

As I said...I prefer avoidance. He has little to nothing to gain and apparently a lot to lose.

[AdamKralic]

I will also suggest the half power training as others have suggested.

Thanks.

[Spartacus Maximus]

It is her own responsibility as an adult to know her physical limits. What did she expect going into martial arts?! If she has physical weaknesses preventing contact activity, she should KNOW her limitations and avoid risky activities! How hard is it to understand that? There are plenty of safer physical activities out there without contact which would be more suitable for people like her and other soccer mom types.