Parents at kids gradings

[mazzybear]

I recently sat in and watched one of our younger students grade, before the grading commenced he was on the floor practicing his techniques. One of his parents was on his back constantly with comments such as "punching too high" "too low" "put some effort in" "get a grip". Everything he done was followed by a comment of some kind. I could see the boy getting worked up by it all, sure enough halfway through the grade he forgot something, his mind went blank and you could see him struggling to remember, then came the tears. My instructor told him to relax and shake it off and helped jog his memory as to what came next. He settled back down and comfortably passed his grade.

What are your thoughts on this? Do you think parents put undue stress on their kids with constant criticism, especially when said parents are not martial artists? How do the gradings work in your school, are parents allowed to sit in or are they done behind closed doors?

Our instructor encourages the other students to watch the gradings if they themselves are not being graded, he believes it shows respect to your fellow students and lets them know that you are genuinely interested in how they are progressing.

Could you share your thoughts please?

M.

[DWx]

We used to allow parents to sit in but over the past few years we've changed it to students and examiners only. Even the students are only allowed into the room in the small testing groups (about 8 or so).

Over time we've found that having the parents in on lessons or gradings is just not conducive to independent learning from kids as they just look to their parents for support and the parents can be overly critical.

We do have a parent's Code of Conduct that must be adhered to along with the student's Code of Conduct. It outlines that parents at events such as gradings, seminars, classes or tournaments shouldn't criticise students (their own child or others) + other stuff. Any concerns should be voiced with an instructor privately.

[sensei8]

We used to allow parents to sit in but over the past few years we've changed it to students and examiners only. Even the students are only allowed into the room in the small testing groups (about 8 or so).

Over time we've found that having the parents in on lessons or gradings is just not conducive to independent learning from kids as they just look to their parents for support and the parents can be overly critical.

We do have a parent's Code of Conduct that must be adhered to along with the student's Code of Conduct. It outlines that parents at events such as gradings, seminars, classes or tournaments shouldn't criticise students (their own child or others) + other stuff. Any concerns should be voiced with an instructor privately.

Solid post!!

I'm the same way, and so is our Hombu. What you speak about is almost word by word what our Hombu and I have been doing forever and a day.

Students ALREADY have an instructor, and while some parents mean well, parents AREN'T the instructor. Testing cycles are for students and not for the parents!!

Parents tend to voice their unwanted opinions whenever I've failed said student. "WHY?" None of your business; that's between student and instructor. Want to talk to me about it, then make an appointment so that we can discuss said concerns behind closed doors. However, my mind won't be changed, and I will control the conversation, and I will point out area's that the parents can help them with, but only if the parent will not undermine what it is that I'm teaching them; and that is Shindokan!!

Our Hombu has a room that parents and the like can watch said testing cycle on closed circuit television, as well as an elevated viewing room, and that room has a very thick piece of glass in order to muffle any conversations emanating from that room.

Parents want to watch, that's fine, but some parents can't help themselves, they try, but you can see it on their face before they speak. So, go to the other room until we're done. We'll let the parents be in the room for the salutations and the closing comments, other than that, watch from a safe and comfortable distance.

During normal classes, we welcome them, until their conversations warrants them to leave!!

Even if the parents a MAist, they're not an authority on Shindokan. Thanks, but no thanks!!

Your instructor's settling the nerves of said student was excellent across the board!!

[pwen arye]

If I had the choice between teaching adults and teaching kids, I would do adults. Not because I don't like children, It's just can't deal with soccer moms.

[Nidan Melbourne]

We allow parents to sit up the back during gradings and classes. But we throw them out if they are saying anything negative or cause a distraction. Our junior gradings students are allowed to watch if they aren't grading and have to be respectful.

But our Adult gradings that are run during class so students can still train whilst those grading get assessed.

In your case i would have asked the parent to leave because what they're doing is causing a massive distraction for the child and doing a lot of harm to that child's mental health.

[mazzybear]

We do have a parent's Code of Conduct that must be adhered to along with the student's Code of Conduct. It outlines that parents at events such as gradings, seminars, classes or tournaments shouldn't criticise students (their own child or others) + other stuff. Any concerns should be voiced with an instructor privately.

I love this idea!! I have to say the parents at are club are generally pretty good (aside from the parent in my original post) they know our instuctor won't hesitate in throwing them out if they disrupt the class, but some I've seen at competitions really take the biscuit. If only they could see what others see, that their kid wasn't as the best at kata/they didn't score a point in kumite (I'm sure you know the type)

Students ALREADY have an instructor, and while some parents mean well, parents AREN'T the instructor. Testing cycles are for students and not for the parents!!

Agree 100% I know they watch their kids do kata day in, day out and probably feel they know each kata just as well, but could they get up on the floor and demonstrate Pinan Godan for example, without making a mistake? I doubt it very much.

M.

[mazzybear]

We allow parents to sit up the back during gradings and classes. But we throw them out if they are saying anything negative or cause a distraction. Our junior gradings students are allowed to watch if they aren't grading and have to be respectful.

But our Adult gradings that are run during class so students can still train whilst those grading get assessed.

In your case i would have asked the parent to leave because what they're doing is causing a massive distraction for the child and doing a lot of harm to that child's mental health.

I think some parents just don't get how stressful a grade can be, even as an adult the nerves creep in. I'm grading for 3rd Kyu June/July and already the nerves are there I think if my instructor had heard them, then he would've ask them to leave. I maybe could have told them to ease up, but was wary of causing a scene. Is it wise/my place to tell someone off about their own kid in someone else's Dojo?

M.

[jaypo]

We also have a code of conduct, and it states that once the student enters the dojo on testing day, they are only allowed to interact with the Sensei and other students. Usually, all of the club's black belts are present, so if help is needed, the student may get it from the other black belts (or senior students). The parents are allowed to watch from the outside (we train in an old racquetball court, so the wall is clear and parents are able to watch without being in the room.) During "recess", if there is one, the students may speak with their parents, but once they get back on the floor, they belong to the sensei! I've found this to be the most effective way. One girl, in particular, is the daughter of an old TKD student, and her brother is an amateur boxer/TKD student. They work with her a lot, but a lot of their techniques are not the same as our Shorin Ryu based techniques, so it does take away from her training a little. But she's good enough to overcome the slight differences. We asked the dad and brother to "allow us to teach the student", and they're pretty cool with that.

[DWx]

We do have a parent's Code of Conduct that must be adhered to along with the student's Code of Conduct. It outlines that parents at events such as gradings, seminars, classes or tournaments shouldn't criticise students (their own child or others) + other stuff. Any concerns should be voiced with an instructor privately.

I love this idea!! I have to say the parents at are club are generally pretty good (aside from the parent in my original post) they know our instuctor won't hesitate in throwing them out if they disrupt the class, but some I've seen at competitions really take the biscuit. If only they could see what others see, that their kid wasn't as the best at kata/they didn't score a point in kumite (I'm sure you know the type).

Parents Code of Conduct was one of the things we needed to get Clubmark accredited. We're one of a handful of TKD schools in the UK that has it. There's a whole load of templates for these sorts of things on the Clubmark website if it's something of interest to your school:

http://www.clubmark.org.uk/clubmark/getting-clubmark/resources-and-templates/clubmark-resources

On the whole our parents are generally alright too but we do get a few that turn into pushy parents who think their child deserves to be the best. Funnily enough it's always the ones that dabbled in martial arts in their youth. Must be trying to live through their kids...

[mazzybear]

We do have a parent's Code of Conduct that must be adhered to along with the student's Code of Conduct. It outlines that parents at events such as gradings, seminars, classes or tournaments shouldn't criticise students (their own child or others) + other stuff. Any concerns should be voiced with an instructor privately.

I love this idea!! I have to say the parents at are club are generally pretty good (aside from the parent in my original post) they know our instuctor won't hesitate in throwing them out if they disrupt the class, but some I've seen at competitions really take the biscuit. If only they could see what others see, that their kid wasn't as the best at kata/they didn't score a point in kumite (I'm sure you know the type).

Parents Code of Conduct was one of the things we needed to get Clubmark accredited. We're one of a handful of TKD schools in the UK that has it. There's a whole load of templates for these sorts of things on the Clubmark website if it's something of interest to your school:

http://www.clubmark.org.uk/clubmark/getting-clubmark/resources-and-templates/clubmark-resources

On the whole our parents are generally alright too but we do get a few that turn into pushy parents who think their child deserves to be the best. Funnily enough it's always the ones that dabbled in martial arts in their youth. Must be trying to live through their kids...

Yeah thanks for that, definitely something to show to my sensei.

M.