Dating in the dojo

[ninjanurse]

This is just an opinion...I have seen many dojo relationships, and experienced one myself. All relationships have their issues regardless of their origin. Martial Arts students/instructors need to be careful when treading here due to the student/teacher relationship. As a mentor, motivator, and sometimes counselor the senior/master should make it his business to know what is going on in his/her instructors lives and have a good enough relationship with them to advise and guide if needed. Student/student relationships can be approached in the same manner however the level of interaction will depend on the instructor's relationship with the students(s).

I think it IS my business to make sure my students and instructors find balance in their lives.

[sensei8]

Date all they want! It's their right and I'm not their dad! I'd only speak with them if their actions were disrupting, being inappropriate and/or interfering with the school.

[Tiger1962]

I don't have a problem with it as long as it doesn't negatively affect the students....and what I mean by that is, if the people dating are, for example, teacher and student, one would hope the teacher would not give special treatment to the person they are dating. THAT would definitely cause "talk" and rifts and resentment among the students towards the couple.

[tallgeese]

I've seen it go well, and conversely, seen it go not so well. Welcome to relationships. If everyone's mature, it shouldn't affect the dynamic of the school as a whole.

It's too hard to legislate how individuals are going to act in a semi-social environment and I don't think one should try. As long as an instructor isn't taking advantage of his position, or giving special treatment to his partner, this shouldn't be out of bounds either.

[Patrick]

The problem is just as much perception as it is reality. If a student and teacher are dating, it doesn't matter if the teacher is being fair. Some will still feel there is bias, no matter what. I'm not saying it's fair, but it's life. That doesn't mean, of course, that you have to cater to those people, either. But, it can be bad for the school and can also be bad for business, if you're a for-profit school.

Patrick

[sensei8]

The problem is just as much perception as it is reality.

ABSOLUTELY and SOLID!

One of my sensei's biggest maxims for his instructors was to NOT fraternize with ANY student. Reason for this was to keep the association of sensei/student professional. Also, things are presumed/assumed by the student when fraternizing occurs. In this, the student thinks that they're at liberty to get away with some/many things in the dojo and the like because of the so-called friendship. Signals are misunderstood by all and in that, fraternizing is taboo! A big no no!

This is why my Dai-Soke/Sensei's circle of trusted students is so small.

It's sad! Why? Because many Shindokan students only know about him from afar. But, if they knew him as some of us do in a more personal way, then, they'd see him more differently.

[Shotokan-kez]

I dont particulary see any harm in it between two consenting adults, however it could be difficult if they split. We have quite a few couples who have met in the dojo.

[Nobodysaidbella]

But with an instructor?

[bushido_man96]

Instructor or student, we're all still human, and subject to attractions all the same. I've dated within the school as an instructor before. It didn't work out, but it didn't destroy the school, either. It all depends on how responsible two adults can be.

[patusai]

I see nothing wrong with it. What would you have done? Would you want the instructor to tell the student that he can no longer teach her? Would you want the student to tell the instructor that she can no longer be his student? Would you want them to hid the relationship or the feelings?Attraction is a pretty powerful boilogical thing. It's hard to just turn if off. As long as the feeling is mutual, respectful and respectful to each of the dojo. What one does on their own time is their own businsess. Just my thoughts but then I am an old man.