My son got into a fight at school!

[Shotokan-kez]

Hi guys. Last week on friday at school he got into a fight in the playground. It wasn't his fault and he was basically a target for bullies. A boy and his friend grabbed Ryan by the throat and was swinging him round. Then the main boy put him in the head lock while the other kicked him. They then threw him to the ground, stamped on him and kicked him. While it was going on a crowd of kids surrounded him so he couldn't get away. That same day i had a phone call from school to explain what had happened and to inform me that the bullies were being dealt with and that their parents had been called. The thing that bothered me the most is that these are 9 year old kids and that was a viscious attack, on my boy, it brought a tear to my eye.

Anyway when Ryan came home from school we talked about it, then his karate training came into it. He said he didnt see the point in doing karate anymore when the kids still beat up on him. He didnt even try to defend himself and he thought that was bad. He is embarressed and would hardly talk about it.

In training on monday night he did dreadful, put absolutely no effort or work into it and he was constantly being told off from sensei because he was acting like he didnt care. He is a purple belt and was even messing up his basics, that is so not like him at all. I'm not sure weather i should tell sensei about what happened, but im wondering if this may explain his sudden change of attitude towards his karate?? He seems to have lost his confidence in the dojo, it's awful to see!

Thanks for listening guys.

Kez x

[Toby]

Sorry to hear what happened about your son. The two bullies have shattered his ego, and it is sad to hear. I have been a victim of bullying myself... Though not so much on a physical scale - more mental. I think that maybe you should tell your Sensei about it and see what his views are about the situation, I doubt it would make the situation any worse. I mean, if I were in Ryan's shoes I too would be very upset and disappointed with myself if I knew all my training and hard work didn't pay off, or I wasn't able to defend myself with it.

Having said all this though, I have had no formal training myself so it is not really my place to comment, just putting my 2c worth in. For what's it's worth.

I also know though that even with all the MA skills in the world that every fight cannot be won. It's just a fact of life.

I would say to Ryan that this is exactly the reason why he should continue on in his training. To better prepare for situations like the one you mentioned above in the future, should they arise.

[KaratekaAndy]

Poor kid... And what gets me most is the bullies won't get dealt with in a strict enough manner

They may have called the bullies' parents but what good will that do since the parents are most likely violent people themselves?

Get Ryan to continue his training like Toby said - he'll be alright after a while

[Shotokan-kez]

Yeah cheers for those replies. Fingers crossed his confidence will rise again (not that he had very much in the first place). Yes i think i will tell sensei, he may do more self defence techniques with the children, as he hates bullies he always makes that clear in the classes.

[blackxpress]

Definitely tell your sensei.

[lordtariel]

Sorry to hear that happened. I'd follow up on the bullies and make sure you know if they'll still be attending that school. If they can get away with behavior like that and not get expelled, then that might not be the school for your son(if you have other options). I'd definitely talk to your sensei about it as well. Maybe he can work in a little more self-defense and threat avoidance for the kids.

[SBN Doug]

While I'm not the kind of guy to yell "law suite" at the drop of a hat, I'd certainly start thretening it if those 2 aren't severly punished for that. I'm not sure how these things are handled over there, but most schools here (well where I've lived anyway) have taken a zero tollerance to physical violence. My son was actually put on a 1 day suspension in elementary school a few years back because he wasn't looking where he was going, bumped into a girl an knocked her down. She claimed he pushed her down, and he got suspended.

[bushido_man96]

That's tough, Kez.

I would start by talking to him about it some more, and make sure he knows where you stand on him trying to defend himself. If you think it is ok, let him know.

I would talk to the sensei about it as well. Let him know your concerns, and see if you can work on some more things with Ryan to help him out.

Ryan may not be a very physical child, and then can be tough to get around when fights start. You have to help him get to where he can take that first step. Best of luck, Kez!

[username8517]

I don't really have anything to add that hasn't already been said.

I just wanted to say I wish you the best of luck in getting this resolved.

[ps1]

Yes, you should certainly tell his Sensei. But don't forget, no amout of self defense can give him the self esteem required to stand up for himself. He needs to be comfortable with who he is before he will ever defend his own honor.

Talk with him, it's clearly troubling him. Get to the bottom of why he didn't try to defend himself. Was he afraid of being suspended? Did he try and it just not work? Did he just feel there was no point? Try to leave karate out of the discussion, it's irrelevant. There are underlying issues that he will need your support to overcome. Teach him and show him that he is worth defending.