Am I being bullied??? Please help.

[Adonis]

Hopefully he isn't going over board with it. I would first say in class not to be rude to you. To show respect. A little more words in the speach but thats the point of it.

Having them not test can cause him to loose students and demotivate the students. He is bessed to handle it case by case basis. Either way at least he is standing up for you.

Glad your situation is getting worked out for you.

[jaymac]

Lots of good posts, but really, he needs to develop a better system for accepting attendance and payment. Are you training there also? Martial Arts is a great way to develop self confidence, self respect, etc... If you aren't training, you should start. I bet you would love it.

[bushido_man96]

Lots of good posts, but really, he needs to develop a better system for accepting attendance and payment. Are you training there also? Martial Arts is a great way to develop self confidence, self respect, etc... If you aren't training, you should start. I bet you would love it.

I would usually agree with you here, that she should start training, but in this case it sounds like she would be diving into a fairly hostile environment.

[Jiffy]

I'm glad to hear that the students have been spoken to. At the end of the day though, it shouldn't have happened in the first place. Now, you (you as in the dojo, not you personally) should learn from the experience and structure the payments system so this doesn't happen again.

"The height of ignorance is making no change, but expecting a change in the outcome"

[Philosophical One]

Well, I used to train - I am a 4th Kyu... but I work 2 jobs and am usually happy to sit back and watch these days

Ppl also gave me a hard time when I graded - ie. "You don't need to try or worry - you'll pass regardless because of your boyfriend" and "I will go easy on you, because I don't want to get into trouble" Used make me cross!

All these people grading to BB next month started when I did.

And - want to know the awful truth? If I sparred these girls I don't think I'd demonstrate an appropriate level of control. Ironically, I'm smaller than them (and now a lower grade) but once I get angry there's no stopping me.

Anyway, they are supposed to be apologising to me tonight - I don't want to hear it ... I'm still too cross.

I'm beginning to realise that I am a "difficult person" I just can't handle conflict with any degree of aplomb.

[bushido_man96]

Be graceful as you accept the apologies....then see if it changes anything. Also, I would consider getting back into it, if you ever get time! It would be kind of fun in there.....!

[Jiffy]

If you really want to annoy someone who is being nasty, be really nice to them...

[bushido_man96]

If you really want to annoy someone who is being nasty, be really nice to them...

hehehehe...

[Rick_72]

My boyfriend said that I need to divorce myself from their behaviours and just see them as people with problems and not take everything so personally. This is a skill - I am learning and listening to him.

Their behaviours are exactly what's in question in my opinion. At the risk of getting into a conversation about moral's and Karate, would you hand a loaded gun to a psychopath? Why put fighting arts, which applied correctly could seriously harm or kill a person, into the hands of someone with a horrible attitude. I think he should be working on their attitudes along with their physical skills, its all part of Karate training.

I do understand when he says he can't just pull rank everytime there's a problem with various personalities within the club and kick people out... he's just not into any type of power play. I think this is an important trait in any coach or instructor, but I do find my partner to be way too passive and forgiving at times. It irks me at times. Like I said - If I were him they would've been out long ago.

Pull rank? Isn't it his school? Isn't he Sensei? What he says goes, in all of his students Karate world, period. Its not a matter of pulling rank, its a matter of a respectful teacher/student relationship. He's put you in a position of authority in his school, he's got to back that up with actions. He doesn't have to boot them out of his school, he just has to use a little tough justice on them to teach them that bad attitudes and real Karate don't go hand in hand.

He says that he's happy to help them work on themselves for as long as it takes - that, he believes, is his role as a coach and mentor... but he also knows he holds all the power cards and he can get rid of them at any time he chooses.

I'm sure that its every Karate person's dream to be able to pass on what they've learned to as many people as want to learn it. However, the facts of life are that teaching Karate, and running a successful business can be very different aspects of the same life. Unless your independantly wealthy, you either have to go to work for a living, or you can have your cake and eat it too by teaching your Karate full time. The facts of business are this; students with poor attitudes chase away other students, and cause new students to not wish to continue their training, and a few bad apples chasing away the rest of your students will not make for successful business. Not being successful in business when trying to make a living from your Karate and still remaining true to your art, means that you have to go back to a 9 to 5 to feed your family, and more often than not means the closing of your Karate school. I'd say he has a serious choice to make, unless he want's to stuck teaching the few bad apples in a broom closet at a local community center that will let him teach his class in their facility for free.

I'd say, never turn away a student that's enthusiastic about learning. However, once that student turns out to be a burden on everyone else in the class a choice has to be made.

[jaymac]

Lots of good posts, but really, he needs to develop a better system for accepting attendance and payment. Are you training there also? Martial Arts is a great way to develop self confidence, self respect, etc... If you aren't training, you should start. I bet you would love it.

I would usually agree with you here, that she should start training, but in this case it sounds like she would be diving into a fairly hostile environment.

I hate to say this, but at this point, is it really worth it? You aren't training there. The people involved treat you poorly. This whole conflict is causing friction between you and your boyfriend at home. I have to say, if you aren't getting anything out of it, do something else with your time. It doesnt sound worth the stress you are going through, and I doubt anything will change, even if they are FORCED to apologize. They don't mean it and they don't care.