What to do?

[Toby]

Thanks for the replies guys,

Well, it's not in school and neither of us are underage.

Thing is, I feel if go and talk to the police about it (whether it be in an official or unofficial manner) it'll make things escalate. Which I don't want to happen.

The really sad thing is, as soon as someone equivillant or bigger in size to him steps up, he backs down.

[Syphax]

Thanks for the replies guys,

Well, it's not in school and neither of us are underage.

Thing is, I feel if go and talk to the police about it (whether it be in an official or unofficial manner) it'll make things escalate. Which I don't want to happen.

The really sad thing is, as soon as someone equivillant or bigger in size to him steps up, he backs down.

Understand, I do get where you are coming from when you say you "don't want the situation to escalate." However, from what you have posted, I do not think that is a wise move. You have already indicated that he has been physically violent, verbally abusive, and has shown no response to your attempts to calm the situation. With those facts, I say that your life is precious and to take chances with it might not be wise.

If nothing else, take a note that several people have given you the same advice: "Report the situation to the local authorities." If you don't, this situation can easily escalate, which is what you feared anyways. Except, in that scenario, you don't have the advantage of having reported to the police.

Now of course I hope you can sort out matters with this person and he will let it go. But it is better to be safe than dead.

[Jiffy]

Thanks for the replies guys,

Well, it's not in school and neither of us are underage.

Thing is, I feel if go and talk to the police about it (whether it be in an official or unofficial manner) it'll make things escalate. Which I don't want to happen.

Your absoloutly right, if you do report it, there's a chance it may escalate if you report it and he finds out.

The really sad thing is, as soon as someone equivillant or bigger in size to him steps up, he backs down.

Ah-huh, this is the clue you needed. He is a bully. Bullies work by controlling others. If they meet someone they believe they cannot control (usually someone bigger), the do not attempt to control them and back down. Luckily, the principle to beating bullies is rather simple, just take away their ability to control you. Most bullies control you by instilling fear.

What you need to now do is take up on the challenge and make sure you win. Show no fear, in fact, show enthusiasm to engage in combat. With any luck, this will scare him and he will back down. If he doesn't, you cannot back down from this point, or you loose indefinately.

I know this is much harder in practice than in theory, but at least you know that you have a choice. First, decide if you could take him, if you could, try it. If not, don't, cos you can't stop half way.

[Toby]

Well,

I think this is what I'll do.

Talk to some of the local police officers about it while they're off-duty and see what they think I should do (some are on the same football team as me anyway).

That way it's neither an official or non-official thing. It's just me asking what to do about this situation... So hopefully things should not escalate.

Failing that I think I'll just have to do what Jiffy has suggested and show the guy that I wont be intimidated by him.

Thank you to everyone for their advice.

I appreciate it a lot.

[Shotokan-kez]

It sounds like your getting things into perspective now, which is good to hear. Talking to an off duty officer will be better, that way it is unofficial, and i take it if they are on your football team they are friends? Which would also make it a little easier.

I agree with Jiffy though....a definate bully. I thought that the minute i read your post about him backing down with someone bigger.

I was bullied for years by the same group of girls and one day i just snapped and beat one of them up, it was just through pure anger tho not anything that i had to think about.

Bullies are normally the insecure one's with their own problems...so remember that.

Good luck

Kez

[bushido_man96]

Thing is, I feel if go and talk to the police about it (whether it be in an official or unofficial manner) it'll make things escalate. Which I don't want to happen.

It sounds to me like things are already pretty escalated. There is only one more step he can take, aside from beating on you. And if he does take that step, then there is no wondering what you should or shouldn't do anymore. I would take the safe road if I were you.

[Jiffy]

Sounds like you've got the right idea now. Let us know how you go.

[Steve_K]

Like everyone has been saying, you should get a restraining order. Not just so he is on record if he threatens YOU again, but to help protect anyone else in the future he may try to intimidate. If they put a restraining order on him, and the police see he already has/had one, I'm sure the consequences will be much greater.

People like this guy probably will back off when someone stands up to them, but if that is the case, they will just find someone else who will succumb to their bullying.

It doesn't make you the hero if you can only stop him from intimidating you, but if you can help stop him from intimidating someone else.

[cathal]

Please let us know how it goes.

[dragonwarrior_keltyr]

Even though a restraining order might not work or might escalate the problem I would still talk to authorities. With the authorities aware of the situation, if further trouble happens it will be easier to get legal justice brought on the guy.

A couple other tips. As other said, stay in groups of people you trust. As well, keep aware of your surroundings while out and about. If he does try something you don't want to be caught by surprise. Another thing: bullies are normally cowards - they may not attack directly. Watch your back. If you eat in a public lunchroom keep an eye on your food at all times. I don't mean to sound dire, but it should be kept in mind.