My son is having problems

[Shotokan-kez]

My son Ryan is 9 and he is yellow belt in shotokan. We train together (i'm brown). Trouble is there is a grading next friday and he is going for green belt and his techniques and stances are sloppy. He doesn't finnish the moves properly when doing combinations and his fist never comes back to his hip. His stances are always wrong and he is virtually standing instead of being in a proper stance.

Tonight in training the Sensei was forever telling him off because being a yellow belt he should know the basic stances and techniques by now, also he made a complete mess of his Kata Heian Sandan. The Sensei shown him countless times but he still continued to get it wrong.

Sometimes i find myself getting cross with him, i wonder weather he's doing the sport for my benefit because i am so serious about it. I really want him to do something he enjoys but when i ask him if he wants to carry on with his karate he always says yes. Sensei says that in training by wednesday if he hasn't got his kata right he may not be able to grade, which would deeply upset Ryan because that would be another three months on yellow belt, totalling nine months.

I can see he hates getting it wrong, his eyes tell me everything because he thinks he's dissapointing me but i try so hard to be supportive, sometimes he just gives up instead of keeping trying. has anyone every experienced this with their children? I would deeply appreciate any advice to help my little fella along.

Kez

[TigerDude]

I worked with my 10 y.o. son a bit before his yellow belt test, but I think he saw it as meddling.

I decided to let him fail the test if that's how ready he was (he did pass). At some point, I think you have to let them learn their own lessons.

I will say, tho, that this is probably a complex relationship that you 2 have, especially with you at a higher rank.

[Tres]

It's a hard thing to say. I personally am not crazy about training anyone that young. There are several problems with it. All of which have perfectly good counter arguments I suppose. I guess it's just where I stand.

But the fact is I also stand by equality. I don't believe in martial hobbies. I only believe in warriorship. And if he is going to train, than it is his personal jounrey and no one elses and if he is not preforming to par than he will feel it, in test or in combat. The personal journey is rarely an easy on. I was a white belt for a year because of physical set backs I had. No lie, it wasn't cool. But I learned a lot from it. So who cares if he is a yellow belt for 9 months? If he really wants to do this, he will suffer through the pain and embarasment and keep trukin'. Otherwise it isn't what he wants to do and who knows, he might return to it later on in life. Or not. It might leave him with a bitter taste. It isn't for everyone.

[Kieran-Lilith]

I've seen kids at my school on the night of the test panicking as they try to study their terms, learn techniques and learn their forms. I've seen some kids come testing night who don't even know their first kata, let alone their second. There's kids like that, and I do try to help them...to a point. I help where I can and with what I can, but some of the kids will fail anyways. Nine year olds are typically a bit better, but they are still young.

Really, for some kids it will be things like this that determine whether or not they stay. I've watched kids get proud of themselves for coming to class, then fail the test. After they fail the test, quite a few leave. A few scream and say it isn't fair, then they leave. Even fewer stay if they fail.

[Sohan]

He may be trying too hard to please you, and feels it's not worthwhile if he can't meet your standards. Remember, children sometimes need to learn at their own pace. They also need to experience the inevitable consequences of their efforts when they don't give 100%. Let your child make his own experience and don't protect or coddle him, and he will likely thrive. This is how I approach my 7 yr old, who is also a yellow belt and is soon to test for orange.

With respect,

Sohan

[lordtariel]

You have to be careful with your dissapointment. It's easy to want to give up when you're already upset from failing and then have someone you care about also upset. Remind him that a belt is really unimportant. A colored strip of fabric doesn't put a limit on your potential.

[parkerlineage]

When I was six, my parents allowed me to test for my purple belt test even though my instructor said I wasn't ready. I failed, and it did me a lot of good. I'd say, let him learn - he's at an age where he'll make connections. Do not allow him to quit, however. Otherwise, he will learn that, if something's hard, just stop.

Granted, I'm just an eighteen year old giving an adult advice, but please consider it.

Humbly;

Parkerlineage

[GOM]

I think you are putting too much pressure on your son, he is only 9 years old and you can't compare him to adults. Some kids bloom at later stages. Try to make his experiences with Karate fun, especially if you both want to continue for a long period, otherwise he might get frustrated with you and himself and quit.

[Brandon Fisher]

I agree with both Sohan and GOM. Remember he is only 9.

[nago]

The only question you need to ask yourself "Is he having fun". I believe for kids this is the greatest factor. Techniques will come. Stances will come. The key is to want him to keep with it and the only way that will happen is if he is having fun.