Need to re-program myself

[circular]

Hi, I'm new here. This seems like a pretty friendly board, so I'm hoping I can get some help with a problem that has been bugging me for a while:

When I was in college (this was at least 4 years ago), I did Kung Fu for a little over two years. It put me in the best shape I've ever been in, and I don't think I've ever worked harder physically. I'm not sure what style it was, so I didn't fill out that part of the registration form, but I learned stuff like "chi blocks," "poisonhand," "eagle claw," "crane beak," "tiger claw," "cupped hand blasts," etc. Most of it was just really hard workouts, lots of boxing-type stuff, walking on our hands, max pushups and situps, trying to kick back as far as your own shoulder line, etc.

We had no real uniforms, just those black baggy pants with the low crotch and tight elastic ankles, and our T-shirts and training shoes. We would always warm up by kicking a badminton birdie around the room for a while.

Anyway, like I was saying, I really worked *hard.* The problem with this is, I was kind of surprised that I could get in that good of shape. I think I was pretty in awe of my accomplishments. I'm a very bad perfectionist, and I stopped training when I could no longer commit myself 100%. In fact, I went from Kung Fu training into psychotherapy, since I got in a car accident, had a close family member die, and had a nervous breakdown all in a two-month period. Then I got married, and had to focus on other things.

Now that it's been a while, I'm frustrated that I am doing absolutely *nothing* with all that I learned during that period in college. I struggle to exercise more than twice a week for a few minutes.

I have these fears, such as: I will never be able to get back in that good of shape, I will not find the time to get that sort of workout in, I will look silly doing Kung Fu workouts now that I'm out of shape (6'2", 245lbs), if I take 5 minutes out right now to work out, that's not worth doing, etc. A lot of it is just negative thought.

Is there anybody else here who has felt like this? I really want to learn some "thought strategies" that will help me put things in proper perspective again. I know that for me, trying to "brute force" it just doesn't work. I want to go about this honestly so I can set myself up for long-term success. I would like to learn how to be positive about my future again.

My sincere thanks in advance for any advice.

[CloudDragon]

You don't need to re-program yourself. All you need to do is get back in training. As a mental health nurse, it amazes me at how people can get lost in their current situation and never look to the future and see how they can improve themselves. They only see how bad of a condition they are in right now. Understand that you need to train, understand that you will need time to return to where you once were, understand that persevereance will be the only way you will reach your goal.

Good luck.

[circular]

Thank you for the reply.

All you need to do is get back in training.

Right, that's the idea.

understand that persevereance will be the only way you will reach your goal.

Okay, that's fine, I'll give you that, because it's true. But it sounds like you have a personality that is 180 degrees away from mine, if you can just think those things and then do them. That amazes me, and I respect it, but if I try to run my life on your advice, it won't work. I've tried it. That's what I call "brute-forcing".

I'm really wanting to hear from anyone who has been in a situation similar to mine, and if they have any advice. I would like to know how other people with similar feelings got out of this situation.

It's only a negative attitude if you're not doing anything to change it. Otherwise, it's a candid statement of your personal feelings at a given moment. I know I'll be fine, but I *would* like some help.

[CloudDragon]

That's what I call "brute-forcing".

Actually, it is called: “Self-Actualization” I found this on the web, maybe it will help.

Dr. Abraham Maslow coined the term “Self-Actualization” as the

pinnacle in the hierarchy of human needs. Dr. Maslow summed up the concept as:

"A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write,

if he is to be at peace with himself. What a man can be, he must be.

This is the need we may call self-actualization ... It refers to man's

desire for fulfillment, namely to the tendency for him to become

actually in what he is potentially: to become everything that one

is capable of becoming ..."

You are fully capable of reaching this stage, the most important thing, is that you have the desire. The hardest thing, is that you don't know how to get there. Unfortuantely, no one can detail the path that you must take. You must find it. Any number of people can offer advice, but until you venture forth on your own, you will never be able to reach this point.

The first step is to decide that you will step onto the mat and train. No one can do this for you, it will be an act of desire to reach your goal. If you do this any other way it will be because someone has done it for you and you will never truly achieve it.

I encourage you to do some research on self-actualization, I think it will help.

[glockmeister]

Back in the mid 90's I was fully involved with Moo duk kwan and kickboxing. I actually started to compete in kickboxing, was in very good shape, young, and was training regurly. I was also supplementing my kickboxing with western boxing, my coach there was also my best friend. I was very happy with the progress i made. Then, unexpectedly, I had a bad accident and almost had my left hand severed. I went through two plastic surgeries, and had to go through almost a year of therapy. to get my left hand back to about 95% and it never got much better. During the first few months, I couldnt even tie my own shoes and had trouble dressing myself with only one good hand and the other in some wierd contraption the doctors made for me.

I was off work, was getting lazy, gained weight, and worst of all, couldn't train. I was depressed and started taking up a habit I had kicked long before.,..smoking.

after I finally got back to work and my hand wrist was "healed" my friend came over to hold the pads for me so I could do some boxing drills. The next day, my wrist hurt so bad and I was afraid of re-injuting the tendons, so depressed and frustrated, I stopped and pretty much decided my fight days were over. It wasnt till a good while longer when I met my TSD instructor that he got me motivated to get back into what I was doing before. up to that point, I had taken up weightlifting because I was tired of being out of shape. Basically, I finally decided to put my fears and laziness aside and push on. I am glad I did.

As was posted before, nobody can tell you exactly what to do. Its basically up to you to push yourself. It seems you were reluctant to take the other poster's advice. I am not sure what you wanna hear but I cna say that after having to push myself and overcome my injury and my long time off, that there is no other way except through self motivation (along with the help of a good instructor who can guide you. Whenever you feel tired or unmotivated, then you have to double your efforts to re-motivate yourself. eventually, you will get back into your groove. Nobody can do it for you. think of how you will feel down the road if you give up and never get back into the shape you wanna be in. The longer you put things off, the harder it will be to get back to where you were. Sounds like the biggest enemy right now is yourself. Push yourself is all any of us can really advise because it really is the only way. Good luck.

[circular]

I encourage you to do some research on self-actualization, I think it will help.

Thanks for the tip, I will definitely read up on it.

It seems you were reluctant to take the other poster's advice.

Well, I was looking for more specific help. I don't want to belittle CloudDragon in any way. I just can't count the number of people I've met who are willing to tell anyone to "hang in there and just do it!"

Also, I imagine that, working as a mental health professional, it's probably frustrating to see the same problems over and over, when the solution seems so simple. Probably makes you want to scream. I understand that, but I have learned through hours of therapy, introspection, and service that each must find his/her own path, and that can rarely be condensed into a few phrases. In fact, I have completed 7 journals since my college years, and I still recover a lot of wisdom just paging through them.

As was posted before, nobody can tell you exactly what to do. Its basically up to you to push yourself. It seems you were reluctant to take the other poster's advice. I am not sure what you wanna hear but I cna say that after having to push myself and overcome my injury and my long time off, that there is no other way except through self motivation (along with the help of a good instructor who can guide you. Whenever you feel tired or unmotivated, then you have to double your efforts to re-motivate yourself. eventually, you will get back into your groove. Nobody can do it for you. think of how you will feel down the road if you give up and never get back into the shape you wanna be in. The longer you put things off, the harder it will be to get back to where you were. Sounds like the biggest enemy right now is yourself. Push yourself is all any of us can really advise because it really is the only way. Good luck.

Sounds like you had some good friends to help you through things, and a really good coach. Thanks for the advice. I should definitely find someone to train with now that I've moved to a new area.

To tell the truth, just posting my problem here helped me to put things in much better perspective. I think my strategy will be to look back at the way I was thinking when things were going well, try to find the thoughts that tripped me up (nervous breakdown), discard them, and adapt the rest. This is going to take a lot of work but this is how I learn.

[Aodhan]

Okay, here's some things that you can do to help you get into the right frame of mind. Some of it is self actualization, with self hypnosis, visualization, whatever else you want to call it thrown in.

1) Forget about looking silly. Everyone looks silly. Ever seen a man all puffy and red faced struggling to get the bar up one more time? When you are in the situation, you are surrounded with people doing the same thing, and some of them will be in the same boat as you are. Now, if you're doing it in the middle of the mall on a saturday, ok, then yes, you look silly.

2) Find a training partner. Until you can make exercise a habit, you'll need some encouragement once in a while. Much like an AA or NA attender, you need someone to give you that "kick in the *" every once in a while.

3) Schedule time for workouts and stick to it. The average person works 40 hours a week and sleeps 40 hours a week. That leaves 88 hours for other stuff. You cannot tell me you don't have two or three of those 88 hours free for a workout.

4) You might not get into the same shape you were. You might get into better shape. I'm stronger and fitter now than I ever used to be, just in a different way (I used to run cross country and do triathlons in high school). I'm not as cardiovascularly fit, but I am stronger and quicker in a lot of other ways.

5) Realize that the only true change can come from within. You have to WANT to do it. When I'm struggling with that, I'll post little messages to myself on the mirror in the bathroom, on my computer monitor at work, things like that. Sometimes all I need is just a little reinforcement.

Mostly, it's just a way of adjusting your thinking. I didn't finish college the first time around, and went back when I was 33 to a night college program. I remember thinking that it was something I really wanted to do, and I could either sit around and bitch about how it might not happen, and then I'd be 36 and still without a degree, or I could go and tough it out, and be 36 with a degree. I have my degree now. You can sit around and say "Oh, I'm out of shape and I don't have time", or you can find 2-3 hours a week to work out. You'll be surprised at how good it makes you feel. Then, in 3 years, you can be really fit and happy, or you can still be laying around griping that you don't have time.

It's all up to you.

Aodhan

[circular]

Thanks, Aodhan. I appreciate your reply.

You can sit around and say "Oh, I'm out of shape and I don't have time", or you can find 2-3 hours a week to work out.

This is about where I'm at now. I'm trying to bat all of the excuses out of my way, like lack of knowledge (on how to train solo, find a training partner), etc. But it already feels really good just to be doing something.

I like what you said about college, too; I've noticed that this sort of attitude spills over into all the areas of your life, not just martial arts, for example.

Thanks again.