Help! People dissing other dojos....

[KarateChick06]

Arrrgh. My 2 best friends are sisters, and the older one's husband started TKD last July. He's a great guy, he's funny and everything, they live across the street, and we get along well -- when he's not bragging about TKD. I understand he's not trying to be rude or mean or anything, he's just really enthusiastic about his style, dojo, and senseis. But what gets really annoying is that he starts dissing my dojo, when he knows almost nothing about it. See, he, and his daughter are in TKD, and when my best friend (his wife) Amanda started looking for a dojo, she checked out my dojo first, because we're friends, and I've been going there for 4 years. Well they liked it ok I guess, but she tried a TKD studio a lot nearer her house, and liked it better. Anyways, he says bad stuff about my dojo while praising his, and he's never even been to mine! I know his wife watched the kid's class, but he's NEVER been to my dojo, and he disses our adult-color-belt class, which nobody from his family has ever seen! It just gets me so aggravated! I don't know how to respond to him. I'm not rude back to him because his wife is my best friend, and I can't very well ignore him, because I'm at there house a lot, and we live across from eachother. But he brags about how TKD is Korean, and then tells me that Karate is American. "No, actually, karate is Japanese."

 

"Karate is American." #%$^&*! Don't you think I'd know what my own style is?!?! After all I've been there four years!??!?!?!?! (Haha, I didn't say that though).

 

Then he said "Well, the big reason why I went to TKD instead of your place was this: One of my instructor has a black belt in TKD, Karate, Aikido, and Kung Fu. Plus, he made it to the Olympics in TKD. Now, I don't know about your senseis, but I was pretty impressed with that."

 

His adults class is supposedly a much better workout than our, although neither he nor his wife have ever seen or heard our adults-color-belt class (which I may point out, but I've never told him, happens to be mostly senseis training together with an occasional brown/blue belt).

 

His studio is much, much harder than my studio. (He stresses this aspect the most). MUCH harder. I just sit there listening to him brag about it.... and think that he's gone through white, yellow, orange, green, and purple belts in six months, whereas at my dojo there is a minimum of 35 class hours to be completed, not to mention the katas that you need to learn, before you proceed to the next belt. Note the minimum -- most people in our dojo jump from white to orange in 3 months, however it's usually 6 months between belts for every belt after that (including degrees for the higher belts). Not only that, white belts, no matter their age, learn 3 katas to get their orange belts. Their dojo only requires one kata, and if you're under 8 yrs, you only learn 1/3 of the kata.

 

 

 

Now you see what I mean by dissing my dojo. I just want some advice (from those of you that took the time to read it -- lol!) on how to respond to him. It is really, super aggravating! I want to be respectful and not diss his dojo back (which I have never done), but get him to shut the heck up about my dojo!

 

Oh yes, I forgot to mention, we don't learn weapons until black belt, but he learns it right away in his dojo. So you can probably guess that he puts this to good use, showing off his nunchuku and swords, asking questions on why we haven't got weapons, showing off basic weapons moves to educate us, etc. (And my nunchucku-obsessed brother doesn't help by asking to be shown everything nunchuk-related. )

 

So if any of you have any advice for me, please give it! Thanks!

[kickcatcher]

Send him to the nearest boxing club to be cut down in size.....

[Shane]

You can give this one a try. But remember some people are a bit insecure and talk others down to make themselves feel better, that is probably this guy's problem.

 

Let him know next time that martial arts are about bettering oneself rather it be for self-defense, fitness, self confidence whatever. What might work for you might not work for me, what you enjoy I might not. Let him know that your totally satisfied with your dojo and the training methods of your school and they fit you, and you dont really care if they fit him or not but you enjoy it. Let him know that his Instructors have their way of training and your Instructors of their own way of teaching. Then let him know that by his behavior it looks like his instructors fail to teach their students respect for the other arts and styles, and that a true martial artist must keep an open mind, which in his case he is not, he is closed minded to his way or the highway.

 

Anyways thats what I think you should say but in your own words getting the same meaning into to it, its basically keeping it straight to the point and your not down talking him at all but your still being firm with it.

[kimura_guy]

IMHO, if I was you, I would just grin, and let it go in one ear and out the other. Let him act like he knows everything. Hell learn sooner or later that he knows next to nothing. If you did say something, you might run the risk of making your friend (his wife) mad, and it could jeapordize your friendship, and I know you dont wanna do that.

 

I dont know if thats what you wanted to hear, or if it helped. But just be sure in your style and dojo and senseis and let him run his mouth all he wants.

 

To me, that sounds like the equivalent of me saying my old high school football team is better than yours.

 

Good luck.

 

KG

[Luckykboxer]

well, for one dont beat around the bush, tell him straight out that it bugs you when he talks trash.

 

Obviously he is either trying to recruit you to his school, or he is trying to justify something in his mind about his own school and choice to train there.

 

it doesnt sound like you have been to his school either to see what the do. So it is very possible his claims are correct.

 

It is also very possible that he trains for a different reason then you do.

 

If this is the case then most likely the same school or style doesnt match for you both.

 

His school may very well be the best school and training for his desires.

 

Yours can at the same time be the best school and training for your desires.

 

not every person is the same and not every person trains for the same reasons.

 

It sounds like it may also bug you because maybe there is something you feel is lacking in your school or training.

 

regardless, never fool yourself into thinking that someone else is bugging you.

 

You have the power to listen or be around that person.

 

you have the power to let that persons words effect you.

 

you have the power to disregard whatever they say as meaningless to you and let it roll off of your back.

 

My suggestion is to find out what is really bugging you.

 

I seriously doubt its that he is bragging about his school and knocking yours.

[Mu Ryuk]

Simple and effective:

 

Ignore ignorance.

[Master Jules]

Let him have any opinions he wants to.....heres the key question.....Are you happy with what you do ?....if so....thats all that matters....you train for you....no one else......in time, provided that his teachers are worth their salt so to speak....hell get more of an education aside from punches and kicks....he'll hopefully learn that his current attitude and behavior is out of line, and maybe he'll change....maybe he'll even offer you the apology that he should....then again....maybe not.....either way......let all of his babbling pass in one ear and out the other.....preserve your friendships at all costs, and just keep doing your thing at your dojo......when he goes off on his rants....ask him if you can come and see the differences that he so loudly boasts about.....not in a challenging or confrontational way......but in a way that shows a healthy curiousity for the possibility of learning something new......just go with the flow.....let him rant and rave about whatever.......so its annoying....whatever.....thats not the end of the world........

[Shorinryu Sensei]

Personally, I'd recommend saying nothing. They're doing TKD...you're doing Shorinryu...'nuff said!

[Kaminari]

Let him have any opinions he wants to.....heres the key question.....Are you happy with what you do ?....if so....thats all that matters....you train for you....no one else......in time, provided that his teachers are worth their salt so to speak....hell get more of an education aside from punches and kicks....he'll hopefully learn that his current attitude and behavior is out of line, and maybe he'll change....maybe he'll even offer you the apology that he should....then again....maybe not.....either way......let all of his babbling pass in one ear and out the other.....preserve your friendships at all costs, and just keep doing your thing at your dojo......when he goes off on his rants....ask him if you can come and see the differences that he so loudly boasts about.....not in a challenging or confrontational way......but in a way that shows a healthy curiousity for the possibility of learning something new......just go with the flow.....let him rant and rave about whatever.......so its annoying....whatever.....thats not the end of the world........

 

Exactly. Offer to visit his dojo and watch them do their thing, while inviting him to watch yours, as he's never watched. Maybe make an agreement to watch each others' classes, something to expose him to what you do. Also, Shane had a good point when he said that this guy needs to have respect for and an open mind to other styles, as most martail artists are taught.

[italian_guy]

I agree with most of the thing been said here. So now you have two different strategies that you can choose from...

 

1) Just ignore him and if you are sarcastic start joking about his claim for better dojo or better art...

 

2) Be costructive and pay a visit to their dojo and ask them to pay a visit to yours.

 

But also ask yourself if you are happy with your training... because if you are happy there is no real reason for you to be annoyed but if you are unhappy the fact that what he said about your dojo annoys you is because you are insecure.