The way i failed.....plz re:

[OkinawaKarate04]

This is more of a qestion of who can relate.

 

Has anyone found themselfs in a situation where all of the self control fails? I was in a bad situation about 2 months ago in which i was provoked into a fight with in individual who i knew was just talking trash. I know that i was the one to put my self in the bad situation the first place bc i prearanged our meeting. I hope to scare him a little maybe get him to stop talking about me. I had just tested for my 1st Dan about 12 months earlier and i felt an urge to prove myself ... to myself (if that makes sence) Well i met him there and at the point when things became heated i just snaped i came away with a couple of brusies nothing unexcpected in a fight he left with a broken nose and some cuts i was charged with assult and was on probation for 6 months his parents persued the fact that i caused excessive damege and tried to get me kick out of school

 

I am just worried that what i did wrong and that i might be alone in the way i acted

 

I feel like i let my dojo, my family, and all other martial artist down

 

after the incedent kids from my highschool came to my dojo and said they wanted to start lessions bc they saw what i did at that point i had caused alot of stress for my sensei from all the bad publisty (i live in a small town if you cant tell) if anyone has thoughs please tell me

[miguksaram]

This is more of a qestion of who can relate.

 

Has anyone found themselfs in a situation where all of the self control fails? I was in a bad situation about 2 months ago in which i was provoked into a fight with in individual who i knew was just talking trash. I know that i was the one to put my self in the bad situation the first place bc i prearanged our meeting. I hope to scare him a little maybe get him to stop talking about me. I had just tested for my 1st Dan about 12 months earlier and i felt an urge to prove myself ... to myself (if that makes sence) Well i met him there and at the point when things became heated i just snaped i came away with a couple of brusies nothing unexcpected in a fight he left with a broken nose and some cuts i was charged with assult and was on probation for 6 months his parents persued the fact that i caused excessive damege and tried to get me kick out of school

 

I am just worried that what i did wrong and that i might be alone in the way i acted

 

I feel like i let my dojo, my family, and all other martial artist down

 

after the incedent kids from my highschool came to my dojo and said they wanted to start lessions bc they saw what i did at that point i had caused alot of stress for my sensei from all the bad publisty (i live in a small town if you cant tell) if anyone has thoughs please tell me

 

Welcome to the wonderful world of being a teenager. Yes what you did was wrong. Then again what you did was be a kid (no insult intended). Would you have these same doubts about your actions or remorse for your actions if you never took a day of martial arts in your life? Most likely not. Most kids would have gone on a bragging spree. You seem to feel bad about it all. Which is a good thing. As you grow older you will learn from this lesson, hopefully the trash talker will to.

 

You are human and having a black belt does not make you some mystic holier than thou warrior, contrary to popular belief. However, having a black belt does come with some responsibility. You are set to be an example so you must now be that example. In the future don't let trash talkers get to you. If your sensei has any sense he will be a bit disappointed in you, but at the same time will understand your youth.

 

To be honest the real crime was the parents calling the cops into this. This was two boys fighting due to one talking the trash. They should have let it be so the kid learned his lesson.

Edited December 2, 2004 by miguksaram

[Shorinryu Sensei]

You know...about 5 years ago I ran into a young man that I used to teach in high school. He was a punk then, and obviously hadn't grown up yet. He talked crap to me all the time when I was teaching him and got himself suspended for 3 days once because of it. Well, now he's 24 years old or so and I ran into him at my favorite watering hole where I like to go and dance and have fun. I saw him and ignored him as much as possible. He came right up to me and started in on the same crap as he did when he was a high school student. Stuff like "I know I could take you if I wanted to...You ain't S**T!" etc.

 

Anyway, I just lost it..turned..grabbed two hand fulls of his jacket..literally lifted him off his feet (he's about 6'2" and lean) and slammed him into a wall. My nose was maybe 3 inches from his (wish I'd have had onions on that burger that night) and I told him in no uncertain terms..."Clint, I'm REAL tired of hearing your S**T, and if you don't shut the (you-know-what) up, I'm going to pound you into a gut pile!"

 

Well, he walked out the door and I haven't seen him since. This is not typical behavior on my part, but some people just bring that sort of thing out in you at times...and he did. He knew how to push the right buttons, but didn't have what it takes to back up his words. I felt rotten for weeks after that incident, and still do to an extent. It was a total lack of control on my part and if he'd have said the wrong thing, or tried to throw a punch, I'm afraid of what I might have done to him.

[italian_guy]

The fact that you know you did the wrong thing and feel ashamed is a positive thing. You lost your self-control and you paid all the consequences. I think this is a good lesson for the future, being able to defend yourself properly brings some responabilities and now you know.

[delta1]

I'm going to be in the minority here, but I don't think what either OkinawaKarate04 or Shorinru Sensei did was entirely wrong. True, as martial artists, we are supposed to show a little restraint and control. But we're not doormats.

 

In OK04's case, you should not have arranged a meeting. But in both cases, a person can only take so much. And the more the law leans toward protecting these mouthy jerks, the worse they get, knowing you probably won't retaliate. Problem is, you don't know that one day they won't work up the courage if they think they see an opportunity to sucker punch you. Another problem is that no one needs to put up with this kind of garbage, even if it never does turn physical. And the same authority that comes down on you for winning a fight seldome steps in beforehand to stop these jerks from bothering you.

 

So, with no apologies to any one, I'm going to say you both did ok. OK04, you could have done better. But you did ok. SS, you're old enough to know better than to beat yourself up over this. And my hat's off to anyone who improves the atmosphere at a good watering hole! So stop trying to sound all deep and philosophical, and have another beer!

[italian_guy]

I do not agree with you (delta1) about OK04's situation, here's what he said:

I had just tested for my 1st Dan about 12 months earlier and i felt an urge to prove myself ... to myself (if that makes sence) Well i met him there and at the point when things became heated i just snaped

I think this attitude is not very correct if you want to try to solve peacefully a conflict.

 

About SS I'm a little more tolerant... he did not too hurt his opponent except on his ego, ... and maybe that time he deserved it!

[Shorinryu Sensei]

No, what I did I think was wrong. I lost control, which I rarely do, and just reacted out of anger and frustration. Fortunately I had just enough control left in me that I didn't just beat the snot out of the punk. I sure was close to it though. he'd make a pretty nice gut pile laying on the bar room floor.

 

 

Hey, you all have a GREAT weekend! I'm heading out the door in a few to meet a 5'11" natural redhead in Spokane, WA. I'm single and warily getting involved in the web-dating thing.

[delta1]

I do not agree with you (delta1) about OK04's situation, here's what he said:

I had just tested for my 1st Dan about 12 months earlier and i felt an urge to prove myself ... to myself (if that makes sence) Well i met him there and at the point when things became heated i just snaped

I think this attitude is not very correct if you want to try to solve peacefully a conflict.

 

I agree with your analysis, italian guy, if that is all you focus on. But, in the bigger picture, I see this as the primary reason he set up the confrontation, which I said he should not have done. On the other hand, he did learn from his mistake.

 

My point is that he shouldn't learn the wrong things from this experience. The PC jerks are going to say you are never justified in calling someone out. The 'do' only guys will tell him he should just console himself with the knowlege that he 'could have' taken this guy any time. And, some would probably go to the opposite extreme and say hit him the first time he openshis mouth. I say there comes a point where, in your judgement, enough is enough. Peaceful persuasion and avoidance have failed, and it is time to up the level of conflict while you have a better chance of controling things. And, there comes a point where, even if you are sure that it will allways be only verbal, you just shouldn't have to put up with it.

 

Personally, I think the authorities and this kids parents need to be put in their place as well. OK04 is a teenager, and has a lot to learn (heck, I'm still learning, and I can barely remember being a teen). He's on the right track. He knows he made a mistake, but he should not let the PC idiots that come out of the woodwork when you are in a vulnerable state influence his common sense in this. He can consider what happened, and the input of others. But I think he has enough of a brain to figure this out. I'm just encouraging him to do it, as opposed to letting some 'authority figure' do it for him. If most authority figures could do anything useful, they'd have got a real job in the first place instead of weaseling into a position to tell others to go do it. Don't get me wrong, I'm not opposed to authority. It is necessary. But I HATE the abuse of authority that I see as rampant today! And those that will tell him that he should never defend himself, or his honor, are as abuseive as they are wrong!

 

So, he lost it a little! Big deal! That happens in conflicts, and the mouthy jerk should have known that when he started up. If he didn't, then I'd say both of these guys learned a good lesson here. No harm done, until the PC police get involved.

[delta1]

No, what I did I think was wrong.

 

Yeah, right! I bet half the bar thought you did the right thing, and the other half thought it was just good entertainment!

 

Have a good time in Spokane! Unfortunately, the real police got to all the old bars/taverns that I used to hang out in there and closed them down! Jerks! You'll just have to be content with the red-head!

[Shorinryu Sensei]

No, what I did I think was wrong.

 

Yeah, right! I bet half the bar thought you did the right thing, and the other half thought it was just good entertainment!

 

Have a good time in Spokane! Unfortunately, the real police got to all the old bars/taverns that I used to hang out in there and closed them down! Jerks! You'll just have to be content with the red-head!

 

Last post before I head out to pack the car and leave. (yeah, I'm addicted to this thing! lol) She checked around Spokane and there are no country places for dancing, so I guess we're going to go to The Slab by Post Falls, ID on Saturday night. Comedy club on Fri night is the plan. it should be a good time (I hope anyway), as she seems like a nice gal...but not TOO nice...if you know what I mean! lol

 

Later people...and yes, this really IS my last post until I get back! (any bets?)