How to give a cat a pill.

[AngelaG]

1. Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

 

2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

 

3. Retrieve cat from bedroom and throw soggy pill away.

 

4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of 10.

 

5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe ..... call spouse from garden.

 

6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, holding front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold cat's head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

 

7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

 

8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with its head just visible from below spouse's armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force cat's mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

 

9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink glass of water to take taste away. Apply band-aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

 

10. Retrieve cat from neighbors shed. Get another pill. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

 

11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put door back on hinges. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Throw t-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

 

12. Ring fire brigade to retrieve cat from tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.

 

13. Tie cat's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table. Find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Force cat's mouth open with small spanner. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Hold head down vertically and pour pint of water down throat to wash pill down.

 

14. Get spouse to drive you to emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches finger and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye.

 

15. Stop by furniture shop on way home to order new table.

 

16. Arrange for SPCA to collect cat and call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.

 

 

 

How to give a dog a pill:

 

1. Crush it in food.

[Northren Ogre]

Too true...too true

[Goju 4 Life]

17. By hamster, feed hamster pill, feed cat hamster

[GrrrArg]

LOL on TWO counts there!

[foreveryoung001]

Now, what did you learn from this.... uh..... experience?

 

 

 

One more reason why I'm not a cat person.

[aefibird]

Now, what did you learn from this.... uh..... experience?

 

Always con your friend into giving your cat a pill...

[Guest]

That has got to be the funniest thing i have ever read. Having had to feed a cat a pill on numerous occassions all i can do is agree. I don't think i've laughed that hard in a long time.

[ncole_91]

lol really funny

[username9]

That is hilarious - My Dad had to feed his Dog a pill once and even when it was crushed in food the dog wasn't having it....any which way he tried - no luck.

 

My Mum walked in and asked what he was doing and told her of all the problems and ways he had tried doing it - Mum took a pill from the bottle, threw it in the air and shouted "Buster - Sweeties!" (Buster being the name of the Dog - not my dad) and CHOMP - job done!

 

Well done Ma!

[elliotspirrett]

This is; A) The most random thread in the world, and B) possibly the most useful one in the world.

 

I would personally use a blow dart on the cat. Be funny to see it get rid of that.

 

Hmmm a cat on a drip would be an amusing image...

 

Or you could just put the pill in the families budgie. The cat would soon have to pill, one way or another. Or eat the pill yourslef and pretend to hide it from the cat, it'll soon find and eat 'em, 'cause at the end of the day, if you have it, the cat wants it too!