Atleast give it a try

[TheDevilAside]

I was talking to a pretty close friend of mine, via AIM, and she confided in me about how much she hates high school, how she's so jealous of all of the popular, good looking, talented kids and she's planning on switching schools. And, in general, she's not too happy with herself and life. She's sort of sinister (unless you get to know her, she's a really sweet girl), doesn't think too highly of herself (without reason, actually), and very unconfident. Anyway, after she explained everything to me, I asked her what she likes to do. And she said she used to like singing, but she's given up on that, and now she doesn't like to do anything anymore. So I asked her what she would like to do, and she said, ironically enough, martial arts. So I looked around for schools in her area and found a few good ones, gave her the websites, explained to her what taking a class is like, and asked her if she wanted to fill out any of the contact sheets.

 

Now, at first she was slightly reluctant. She's basically scared of trying new things and she's out of shape (not over weight, just not exactly fit, either) and I guess she has this misconception that you have to be a lean, mean fighting machine before you can practice a martial art. Also, she said she gets frusturated with herself when she's not the best at something, and ends up quitting because of that. I tried explaining to her what it was really all about, and that the instructors aren't here to put you on the spotlight or make your life miserable, that they're there to help you. But the more I tried explaining it to her, the more defensive she became. I wasn't pressuring her, I just gave her the URL to the contact form and told her she should sleep over it and fill it out when she thinks she's ready. Well, then she fed me the "you just don't understand" line and then, inconveniently, my damn cable connection went out...

 

So, anyone know how I could get her to atleast try a class out? She said she wanted to take martial arts, she just seems too scared to want to try anything new. I don't understand how the mind of 17 year old girls work, and hers baffles me even more.

 

Thank you in advance

[Beka]

I think a lot of it is she just needs to grow up. Teenagers like to hate themselves and then wallow in it. I was there, too until I was 20 and started with MA. It completely turned things around for me. Getting off your butt and deciding to actually *go* to the first class is the most important, and also the hardest, part of it. I can understand her reluctance.

 

I don't really know what you should say to her. It's all in her head, pretty much. Just let her know it has the potential to change her life. And that's about it, I reckon.

[Athorn4941]

Switching schools is not a bad idea. I switched schools my senior year becuase teachers called me * my classmates called me stupid (they never picked fights with me though because of my martial art training).

 

Well anyways cause where I live you have to go to the school in your district so I made up an address went to another school 30 miles away, graduated at the top of my class.

 

Became a low class supervisor so far at simplot and have had most of my former teachers and classmates work under me being their boss. Most of the teachers at my former high school before I switched schools got fired for harasement charges and so on. And my classmates couldnt find work after college. Well to make a long story short I have excelled becuase of my own personal drive.

 

Best decision in my life lying about where i live so I could change schools.

[Mart]

Maybe do it in steps, some reason this reminds me of that episode of freinds where chandler is getting married to monica and on the day he keeps hiding and running away.

 

Roass talks to him and gets him to just do one step at a time. So here it would be to get her to realise she wants to do MA.

 

Then just get her to fill out the form, no more.

 

When shes has done that refocus on the fact she wants to do MA and get her to send the form in.

 

then once she is that far she may be prepared to do ONE class, and thats important. Tell her only one class, no pressure otherwise she will never know.

 

When she has done one class see what her reaction is and go from there.

 

In the end chandler did get married and it was only at the alter and he was actually doing it did he realise it was the best turning point his life had taken.

 

lets hope this will be the same for this troubled young woman.

[monkeygirl]

Interesting analogy..but good advice, Mart

 

This is apparently a long-distance friendship, so you can't exactly get face-to-face with her about it. The problem with AIM or anything over the Internet is that you can just turn off the computer and walk away, ignoring whatever advice you're given, and it won't come after you persistently.

 

If you can get her on the subject again, try suggesting she take a trusted acquaintance (try to avoid the word "friend", because if she's in this kind of blue funk, she might be all "I don't have any friends") with her. Maybe someone else who's also interested in MA but reluctant to try. They can provide each other with moral support and keep each other motivated to keep at it.

 

Perhaps if you are in contact with her immediate family, or know any relatives that live near her, you could get them in on the deal, too. If they're good, caring parents, they might be able to judge how best to treat her. With some people, they need to be treated with kid gloves, very carefully and kindly and "one step at a time"-ish, and that works great and the goal is achieved. With others, however, the kid glove treatment simply allows them to sink deeper into depression and inactivity. These people need to be pushed in a firm, but healthy manner.

 

No one likes to see teenage angst. You have an opportunity to stop it

[TheDevilAside]

Yes it is, she moved a while back. Would talking on the phone help any? I used to have her cell number, but I traded in my cellphone for another because of technical issues and lost my phonebook, I guess I'd have to ask again. I don't really know her parents that well, but they're divorced and her mother doesn't really care about anything, neither does her father. Thanks for the advice, everyone. I think I'll just slowly ease her into it, and before she realizes what's going on she'll be a black belt

 

Alright, well, I'll ask her for her cellphone number and talk then. Graci.

[Mart]

yeah but dont try and sell it to het, tell her what you get from it. try and make it relate to what she feels. so she can feel she identifies with you.

[aefibird]

I agree with Mart - rather than trying to get her to do MA ('cos she may see it as you being pushy), just concentrate on being her friend and letting her know that you'll support her no matter what she's going through. Sometimes it can be easier to talk to people & build friendships with people over the net, rather than face-to-face. She may need your support more than someone she actually sees on a day to day basis.

[Raminhos]

You should be her friend...but more than that...you should do something with her. If she doesn't like to do anything...she won't do something alone... take a class or two with her... take her to a school where there aren't to many "artists", you understand? A place with lots of white belts for her to see that she is learning something with others and not alone

[GrrrArg]

I basically used to "sell" MA to people, for lack of a better way of putting it. To be blunt she doesn't care what you get out of it or how it has done you the world of good etc:

 

Start off by talking to her about stuff shes interested in (may be difficult lol) then ease the subject back onto what she wants to do.. remember she said MA before you did. Just talk about it with her, dont try and get her to go or she will go right back on the deffensive again.

 

Since shes female, you can try telling her about how it can make her FEEL better, this is generally key to women they prefer to be given emmotional responses as oppose the the facts that men prefer.

 

Main thing take it slow and dont push at all, she has the contact forms so if you talk about it enough isten to what she is saying) she may surprise you one day and say she just got her first belt. hope that helps.