gheinisch Posted March 29, 2004 Posted March 29, 2004 GREAT TRUTHS GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED: 1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats. 2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair. 3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person. 4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato. 5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food. 6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair. 7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time. You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk. 9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts. 10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa's lap. GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED: 1) Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree. 2) Wrinkles don't hurt. 3) Families are like fudge...mostly sweet, with a few nuts. 4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground. 5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside. 6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy. GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD 1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional. 2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get. 3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there. 4) You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster. 5) It's frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions. 6) Time may be a great healer, ! but it's a lousy beautician. 7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone. THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE: 1) You believe in Santa Claus. 2) You don't believe in Santa Claus. 3) You are Santa Claus. 4) You look like Santa Claus. SUCCESS: At age 4 success is . . not peeing in your pants. At age 12 success is . . . having friends. At age 16 success is . . . having a drivers license. At age 20 success is . . . having sex.. At age 35 success is . . . having money. At age 50 success is . . . having money. At age 60 success is . . . having sex. At age 70 success is . . . having a drivers license. At age 75 success is . . . having friends. At age 80 success is . . . not peeing in your pants. Always remember to forget the troubles that pass your way BUT never forget to remember the blessings that come each day "If your hand goes forth withhold your temper""If your temper goes forth withold your hand"-Gichin Funakoshi
delta1 Posted March 30, 2004 Posted March 30, 2004 Pretty good! Where'd you get those? Freedom isn't free!
Ironberg Posted March 30, 2004 Posted March 30, 2004 So true! "An enlightened man would offer a weary traveler a bed for the night, and invite him to share a civilized conversation over a bowl of... Cocoa Puffs."
CPU Posted March 30, 2004 Posted March 30, 2004 realy true - i like the santa clause one Sparring - loved by many perfected by few
gheinisch Posted March 30, 2004 Author Posted March 30, 2004 Thanks Delta, just one of those e-mails that gets passed around at work. I thought they were pretty good and you guys would get a chuckle out of them. Kind of scary how true some of these are! "If your hand goes forth withhold your temper""If your temper goes forth withold your hand"-Gichin Funakoshi
italian_guy Posted March 31, 2004 Posted March 31, 2004 I really like the one about Santa Claus. Now I'm on stage 3)
Red J Posted March 31, 2004 Posted March 31, 2004 1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional. I resemble that remark! I had to lose my mind to come to my senses.
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