Am Lonely, and worried.

[Natural]

Hi, I have been pratising in my club for 8 months now, I have not got alot of friends in the dojo, most are adults and am not so confident, my sister use to trianed twice a week tuesday and saturday but now she only trained on saturady and when she get her 7th kyu belt she will give up on karate, I have no friends, when I do cool kicks splits etc people said am a show off, and theres this 47 years old men push me around and said I hit his daughter hard and stuff she get me into so much trouble and hes the drunk type so am very worried so if this goes on for a month I might quit.

 

If I do quit I don't know where my other club is, I herd its in east croydon so I might traind there, this guy is a sernior and knows everone my sesei can't do nothing she new and the quite type.

 

How can I cope with this, but I'll never if up karate thats for sure, i don't want to tell the sempai that he have to be pantient etc but he is an adult he said he even want to kill me, if i kick like that to his daughter, his daughter is scarde at everything I do so I roll my yes when she make noises.

 

when my sister is not in when i am his streching partner he pull me hard , grab my hand and push me, this goes on i might report to the reginal instrutor, so am risking myself to trained in the dojo.

[Natural]

I don't want to tell my mom because she might don't want me to do karate, or any martial arts.

 

When he walks in the dojo I just pray he won't hurt me.

[aefibird]

I wouldn't suggest you quit if karate is what you love doing.

 

Try keeping your head down and being quiet. Be as respectful as possible and hopefully people will come round to liking you.

 

To me, you just sound young and a bit 'cocky' - maybe you need to try hanging back a bit, especially if people are complaining that you're hurting them when you spar. Maybe that's why the instructor chooses you as his stretching partner - to see if you can 'take it' as well as 'dish it out'.

 

I know that it must be hard for you to come over to a foreign country and try and make friends and fit in, but I think you just need to relax in your attitude a bit. You're probably trying too hard to make friends and are scaring everyone away with your attitude and what they think is "showing off". Can I ask, why does your sister want to quit when she gets her 7th kyu? Is she unhappy with the club too?

 

Good luck, Natural. Keep on training!

[White Warlock]

This is an unhealthy training situation. I seriously recommend you bring it up to the instructor (or head instructor, if the problem resides with another instructor).

 

But, keep an open mind. Although not inclined to jump to conclusions here, aefibird may be tossing out a bit of truth, in that you may be projecting your insecurities onto the mat and therein turning a very serious study into an improv at a comedy shop.

 

The instructor is there not merely to teach you the physical skills, but also to help guide your growth as a person. Bring up your concerns to him and ask for advice. Ask for insight into what it is that makes you an outcast and what you can do to improve. But, definitely, request some mediation to resolve whatever issues may be festering between you and the 47 year old practitioner who feels the need to speak for his daughter 'even' in the dojo.

 

If, once you've tried all this, you still don't wish to continue training there, it may be necessary for you to train somewhere else. But... be very very aware... no matter where you go, there you are. If the problems reside in you, relocating won't resolve what you are presently facing.

[aznkarateboi]

Leave... you should never pay to be physically and verbally abused by an instructor.

[White Warlock]

Addendum:

but he is an adult he said he even want to kill me

I did not earlier catch that comment about the 47 year old 'student' threatening your life. This is wholly unacceptable and should immediately be reported to the instructor and, if necessary, the police. Such behavior definitely does not belong in the training hall and, if he did indeed state he wanted to kill you, he should be expelled or, at the very least, be directed to apologize to you and placed under probationary status. Possibly even demoted (assuming he has any rank at all, which you did not indicate).

 

As to my earlier recommends, I still hold to them. Regardless of what is going on with the 47 year old, it does look like you have a few things you need to work out with the instructor, and with yourself.

[italian_guy]

I've been leaving outside Italy for one year when I was 16. When you live in a foreign country I think you need to show two things, maximum respect for the resident people and maximum effort to be integrated in that country,like trying to learn the language as fast as you can try to make friends mostly with resident people not only with people from your original country (you know italians are everywhere), if you keep this attitude I can guaratee you that you will have a lot of friends. This was my experience. About the other problem the only thing to do is speak with the head instructor, I do not know exactly the situation to comment the fact that the 47 year old student told you that he wants to kill you, maybe he was just an anxious father in one of his bad days, or maybe it was not the first time that he warns you and he wants just to impress you more. Anyway a good head instructor should be able to handle this situation properly if the head instructor is not good you should consider to go somewhere else.

 

I'm confident in the fact that if you really like MA you will not quit for this reason.

[Natural]

The killing thing might be a bluff, or his just saying for joke. The situation is improving I made new friends in the dojo so I won't be stercthinh with him.

 

Everytime he smells of alcohol, and bad breth.

[Tal]

...when I do cool kicks splits etc people said am a show off...

 

You tend to be a little cocky at times when writing on this forum, and if you are like that in real life I can understand people getting annoyed with you (to an extent, physical threats, however, are totally uncalled for).

 

Try to stay in the background for a while. As a foreigner, you already stand out and people will be watching you. If you are indeed a lot better than your training partners, try to keep it to yourself until you get to know them better. Don't show off doing things they cannot do. If your instructor has only tought you basic kicks; just do those in the dojo, and don't do your 'cool' kicks. When you get to know people better, then maybe you can start to show your skill. Its a hard fact to take but often people resent it when someone new comes along and is better than they are.

...and theres this 47 years old men push me around and said I hit his daughter hard and stuff she get me into so much trouble and hes the drunk type so am very worried so if this goes on for a month I might quit.

 

First thing, apologise to him and to his daughter. Perhaps you thought you didn't hit her hard, but maybe she did! Some people can shrug off a hard hit, some people will be very hurt by it. Try controlling your strikes a little more, and if someone complains you are hitting too hard, hit with a little less power.

How can I cope with this, but I'll never if up karate thats for sure, i don't want to tell the sempai that he have to be pantient etc but he is an adult he said he even want to kill me, if i kick like that to his daughter, his daughter is scarde at everything I do so I roll my yes when she make noises.

 

If his daughter is scared of you, then you are obviously doing something wrong. You are probably hitting her too hard. Go a little softer on her. Try talking to her as well; apologise and tell her you don't mean to scare or hurt her.

 

If someone has seriously threatened to kill you, you need to tell the police right away. In fact, if you have good reason to believe that anyone is going to physically harm you, tell the police. I'm not sure how familiar you are with the police in England, but they are very good and friendly (as long as you don't get on the wrong side of them ).

 

I know how hard it is to settle in and make friends in a new country. I moved here when I was twelve. I found a shotokan dojo near me and joined it. My english wasn't as good as yours is and I understood more of the Japanese that was spoken in the dojo than the English at first!

 

Speak to your mom. Fear of telling people causes a lot of problems to escalate. I'm sure your mom can help you in this situation. Even if you can't sort it out completely, talking about it will probably make you feel better.

[Sasori_Te]

I'm sorry in advance if this is a real post. This guy comes up with all sorts of things all of the time. He reminds me of sano. Anyone remember him? I'm not buying it. Again, if I'm wrong I apologize.