Sibylla

I agree with you. I wanted to train so much that I tried to live with the things that were going on. I've finally gotten info about the instructor situation, the head instructor will not instruct this semester. (Or maybe he is retired permanently, I don't know). Well, I guess that there is not much to do now, except sorting out what options I have.

Thanks. I am considering the offer from the other dojo. I might also be able to train a little at a third dojo. For instruction though, from anyone above the head instructor, I will have to travel out of the country to seminars, where the most possible will be 3-4 times a year.

Hi again, an update.. As I said earlier, my plan was to travel to a couple of seminars and then seeing how things turned out. Which I have done, even travelled to another country and had a great time. The rest of the story is not all that good...as mentioned earlier, there were made allegations to the board via email. Those were "we don't like her, and we would like to know how many else who don't". Now instructor number two, who has been there all the time, has sent out a questionaire, asking people "what they don't like about the training". And there has been no communication between me and the head instructor at all. At the same time, I've been approached by another dojo to come and train with them and help out with the instruction. Unfortunately it is quite a long drive, and if I'm left without a sensei I don't know how of much help I will be. This week regular training starts up again, I've asked who is instructing but I can get no answer. In general I don't know what is happening. So I am going running tonight instead of attending training.

Yes, that makes sense. Besides he already knows how I feel about things.

I don't know why he isn't showing. And it is the aforementioned sempai teaching. My plan is to travel to a couple of seminars this summer, and if things doesn't change as regular practise picks up, leave the dojo. Should I tell the head instructor this..?

A little update. There haven't been any regular classes with the head instructor after my last postings. They have either been cancelled or thaught by someone else. With summer time closing fast, there might not be any clear outcome of this. But as far as for me concerned, it will not go away over the summer if it is not delt with.

I'll do that. Thanks again!

Thank you for the support. I've made my mind up that I will leave if there is anything more now, I'll just walk out of the dojo.

Thank you very much, it makes things clearer for me, and helps a lot. I agree entirely that the head instructor should deal with these things on his own. As a woman, I think it is easy to become sensitive to some things, but that is also something instructors need to be aware of. thanks again! I'll be neutral and quiet, and see what will happen.

That sounds like a good way to handle it. Well, this is what actually after... Another male student, that was present at what happened but had notjing to do with it as such, emailed the head instructor. He told about the episode, but also took the liberty to attack the female student who was called out, on a unrelated matter. This email the headinstructor forwards to the female sempai for comments. Next class, with the head instructor, nothing happens. After class the person that was called out, who knows about the emails but not the full content of them, talks with the head instructor about the episode, basically saying that she thinks it is way out of line. Head instructor mentions the emails, but not the full content of them. He says he will talk with the guy, but gives the impression of if she hadn't said anything, he wouldn't have delt with it at all. Then, after that, she gets the full content of these emails from the sempai. She tells the head instructor that she is now is starting to feel very uncomfortable about the whole situation. She also tells the person who sent this email to begin with that she thinks he is conducting himself in a bad way. The guy responds with involving the board of the club furthering his complaints now making them even bigger, and she responds once again, to him, but also to the board, that he conduct himself bad, using one matter as a spin for another matter. Well, the female student is obviously me, and I dread the thought of next class and the next step in this silly story.

Consider this: Male student, with instructor rank in another art, does a very fast jump to shodan in new art. From the beginning he badmouths other students, particularily female. When sempai is instructing, he is disruptive. In one instance, he goes against the female sempai instructors descision over a discpline matter which he is not involved in. But the student who gets disciplined, is his buddy. The other student is a long term female student in the dojo. So this guy contests the instructors decision loudly, and then proceeds to bad mouth the other female. The class is in disruption. The head instructor have been aware of this behavior, and gets notified of this episode as well. What would you do, as head instructor?

Yes I think I at least have to take a good look into my level of commitment in the dojo. Whatever I do now is not good enough it seems.

After having a talk with my sensei, I am disappoited. For instance, he knew about the email ranting guy (didn't know about the email though) and seem to have swallowed his story as a whole. The words in that mail is probably straight from the mouth of the sensei. I think the sensei should have talked with me, the senior student, before giving any advice. Regarding the sempai role, it was all about it being convenient for him, since I understood what he was trying to get across. But if there was a problem with jealousy etc, then it was ok if I didn't do it. No back up exactly, so I am out of it. When this is said, it is clear that he does not know all that is going on. And I think that he at least has been given some information from me that he might use if he wants to. But this is botherering me, I just want to go into the dojo and train, not having to figure out who is stabbing who in the back today, and having to defend myself and engage in stuff like this.

I will talk with the sensei about it as soon as the occasion is there for a more private talk.

I partly agree with what you are saying here, from an ideal viewpoint. But my instructor is not a teacher, he has no teacher credentials, pedagogic training that I know of. Neither do anyone else. It would be great if him and all of us had some kind of program that we could go through, but we do not. Ulterior motives can be bad, especially if they are hidden and there are desicions made that directly affects single persons, leaving them without a voice. And he put this on me without any explanation. If I do not get an satisfying explanation and see that he follows it up, it is clear that "sempaing" is something I should say no to.

Is it? What if the sensei has an broader agenda with this..making an statement and maybe "smoking out" some negative behavior that exist in the class? That might lead to a greater good for all of us. But if that is so, he has to back me up in the process. I am familiar with the work of Rob Redmond, and I agree with a lot of what he is saying. But being taught to teach is an ideal, not within reach for all of us.

I will try to develop my "do not mess with me, kids" - stare Thanks for the advice guys, my mind is more at ease now.

No we do not have such requirements. Our sensei will chose pretty much the one he wants. I guess I basically have to chose, what is more important, being on a good standing with my sensei or the rest? There is only so much he can do, discipline wise.

It could be that the email rant is a blessing in disguise that will make the sensei more aware of what is going on. At least he has to figure out what to do. And we do have other people that do not instruct possibly because they are not suited or have no interest in it. The person that sent the email..I am not sure that a heart to heart is the right thing. His goal was to make me feel bad and then probably get me me to give him even more extra special treatment (than he was already getting). My first impulse was to point out some things. But based on his lack of experience, and also my need to not "roll over", I decided to show him the consequence, and also adding that he might want to go into the thinking box a little. He might not be satisfied with the answer now, but maybe in time it will become clearer to him. Things like this is something I guess most of us have been through.

It is not working because I do not think that the kohai/sempai system is that well ingrained in the dojo. There is possibly a lot of people that have not heard about it at all. I recently recieved an ranting email (!) from a student, a fairly new one, that basically said "I want to learn, but not from you, because you are not as nice to me as the sensei..." To complicate matters he has previously stated that he was indeed particulary interested in getting my feedback. And I think he has gotten some advice that has benefitted him. My answer to the student was that, I am sorry that you have had that experience with me, if you don't want feedback, ok. But please adress matters in the dojo, because it is easier to solve them that way. I think I am pretty close to sensei in several ways. I listen to him and he listens to me. I think the common opinion is "the instructor likes her, but if I do not, I can chose to demonstrate that..". I agree that I should adress this matter in some way with sensei. I think it will upset him..not sure though that I should include the email rant though.

After some years of training, my sensei has started to promote me into a sempai role. For demonstration in class, teaching people smaller stuff etc. But it is not just working. The more he promotes me, the more marginalized I am becoming in the dojo. I am not exactly winning any popularity competitions to begin with, and putting me to teach people just makes it worse..I am not sure what to do with this.

Marie Curie: You have my sympathy. I've trained with a woman who was pretty much like that. (And I did not hit her hard either..) It especially annoyes when it comes from a woman, since I think most women aren't in the dojo to play out their feminity, but to train. And it can make all of us look bad. Anyway, what to do with it? The sensei in that dojo wouldn't touch the issue, but since the woman either uses some excuse to avoid to spar or get injuried momentarily and have to sit out, her progress is stopping. I suspect that will happen with the one in you dojo as well, she will dig her own hole, if her complaing doesn't work I guess she will start to sit out. Or she will eventually meet an instructor that deals with her.

I hope so. I don't advocate using force either to get a point over, but at times there are exceptions.

This is why dojos have the right to refuse to train someone or ask them to leave. If someone is creating a dysfunctional training atmosphere, and the instructors can't control it, they can refund the balance of their money and ask them to find another, more suitable place to train. That, of course, requires the lead instructor or dojo owner to decide. Your personal option is to find yourself a more suitable place to train. These are good points. Hopefully, now that the instructor is aware of the antics that are going on, he will be actively evaluating this individual, and get set to make a decision to either chat with him about what is and is not appropriate in the dojo, or to discuss the possbility of furthering his training elsewhere. It sucks losing students, but sometimes, it is necessary in order to keep the good ones that you have. In my experience, students like this one don't tend to stick around for the long haul, anyway. Have you stated what rank this student is? If so, I think I missed it. He is first kyu. Quite experienced in some other art, but it doesn't show in his behavior. I haven't heard of any being told to leave before, but then I haven't seen such behavior in the dojo before either.

I have been able to avoid sparring with him so far. I've salso had a little chat with the sensei. I think he is aware of the problems and he does keep and eye on the guy.