bitestones

Arigato for your replies! I'll be starting Kyokushin Karate again in September. This august i'm re-learning my 10Kyu because i have forgotten stuff so in september i can start training for 9 Kyu. Belt exams are in Spring. I was amazed with myself when i attended 10 Kyu exam, i didn't think i'd make it. I was slower with Kata than others, Sensei told it's fine as long as i don't interrupt my Kata to keep up. With pushups.. So far i can do 30 regular push ups. 15-20 Seiken push ups. And one five-finger pushup on knees.

I think i am bad at Kyokushin Karate. About three years ago i made 10 Kyu(orange/red belt). I haven't advanced so far. I struggle with depression and low self esteem and slight paranoia. I have hard time learning the japanese words and Kihon and Kata. Sometimes i don't want to learn at all so i just quit, but i keep coming back. Should i quit Karate because i feel like the worst karateka in the whole world? I don't want to quit, i like the workout. Am i wrong if i want to keep going to the dojo while being a very slow learner? I wonder if my Sensei thinks i am a disgrace in his dojo. Also others have made friends with one another while i'm still a loner. I have Schizotypal Personality Disorder with Avoidant traits.

About 3 years ago i forced myself to join a local Kyokushin Karate class in hopes of improving my physique and overall health. I was taking antipsychotic drug - Olanzapine Actavis. It made me gain weight so i quit my training. I've been away from class for about 5 months. I couldn't lose any weight even when i was eating fine and went running. I have quit this drug and i immediately started losing weight. Now i plan going to my class again in september. I feel ashamed for being a quitter. I am re-studying my orange belt at home because i have forgotten stuff. Still taking my antidepressant drugs though because of my mood problems. Anybody else here having psychiatric issues?

I wonder is it allowed to use Judo Gi in Kyokushin Karate? I heard it is better for grappling. Last time my Sensei accidentally teared my Karate Gi when throwing.