Martial Farts

.... I did not write this but I thought I would share this with you all!

"A public secret amongst the people who practice one kind or other of Martial Art is that the uncomfortable and embarrassing feeling of a fart coming up (down) occurs more often in the dojo that outside of it.

When the feeling is there it tends to seriously disrupt the unification of mind and body.

There are two ways that can happen. One is that you feel it coming and try to prevent it from erupting so hard that you can't concentrate on anything else, specifically the sensei or the partner you work with. This attempt to not fart will fail, as we all know. You see, after a while the second way for a fart to distort the unification of mind and body will reveal itself and that is the fart itself coming out. This always takes place when delivering a kick, punch, or during another sudden movement. This is only prevented by sitting down and not moving until very silently the methane has slipped out. But people will wonder, and then know, so the effect will be the same as farting aloud. As said before, during a motion of the body the gas will erupt in a disorderly manner, causing you to focus on the entire dojo focusing on you.

This situation is best dealt with by turning it into a learning experience. The trick is to completely ignore the fart and the effects it has on the people around you. Let the world be the world without affecting your inner peace. The ability to ignore farts is in fact one step further on the long road of unification of mind and body. The person who is able to disarm and eliminate a dangerous opponent and at the same time fart without wincing a muscle is surely a master.

Strong is the man who can fart without distorting his inner strength.

If you feel weak and do not want to bother yourself with this exercise, remember to pay attention what you eat before practice. Eating a sauerkraut meal beforehand will give you more chance to exercise unification of mind and body than you dreamt of.

I will at this time not go into using a fart as an assault weapon. "

_________________

1st Deg. TaeKwonDo Black Belt/Fitness Kickboxing

(Moderator of Health & Fitness Forum)

It is when the student approaches black belt that the serious student discovers that he has only just begun his study of Karate

[ This Message was edited by: KickChick on 2001-10-08 05:04 ]

OMG, you got me ROFLMFAO!!!! Hahahahahahaha!!!! Oh KickChick you are just tooooooooo funny!!! :pony:

cute...........

Hehe, i had one guy in guard position at BJJ the other night and my guard is so strong that we had to stop cos he needed to fart. :lol:

He silently went into the corner and practiced min/body/fart...

That's a good little post.

Angus

bratttttufffffffissssssssss!!!!!!! whew taco bell/white castle..hey what are you doing on the floor...i havent even touched you yet??!!!! :eek: :eek:tricks are for kids you smwelly rabit....

There just has to be a balance of the amusing to keep life in order.

It is a very good idea to wait a while before approaching an area of the dojo that someone has just quietly backed into, just to stand there for a minute only to leave just as quietly.

I shared this thread with a friend who found it highly amusing.

This is not martial arts related but i think anyone who has found this thread amusing will appreciate it.

From: Coco Ikehara

subject: Happy thanksgiving

Date: Tue, 6 Nov 2001

This is too funny!

The only friction in their marriage was the husbands habit of farting loudly every morning when he woke. The noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air. Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick. He told her that he couldn't stop and that it was perfectly natural. She told him to see a doctor: she was concerned that one day he would blow his guts out.

The years went by and he continued to rip them out! Then one Thanksgiving morning. as she was preparing the Turkey for dinner and he was still upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the bowl where she had put the turkey innards and neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts and a malicious thought came to her. She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and gently pulling back the bedcovers she pulled back the elastic waistband of his shorts and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts.

Some time later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he raced to the bathroom. The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eye. After all the years of torture she reckoned she had got her own back. About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his blood stained shorts with a look of horror on his face. She bit her lip as she asked what was the matter. "Honey you were tight. All those years you warned me and I didn't listen to you." He said. "what do you mean," asked his wife. "Well you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out and today it finally happened. But by the grace of God, some Vaseline and these two fingers, I think I got most of them back in."

This was sent to me by a friend. So guys watch yourself this Thanksgiving. Make sure those turkey innards don't end up someplace they were never meant to be.

And when someone emits flatus in class try not to think about "farting out your insides".