karate_woman Posted July 16, 2003 Share Posted July 16, 2003 You make a lot of sense, but no real help I'm afraid. We've not had a babysitter in years, and it's hard enough to justify going training instead of staying in, but it's impossible to justify training in a mixed class. (I trained in a mixed class for the last month, and my request not to grapple with a female partner earnt me a bloody lip as a punishment. I guess I need an understanding sensei) Thanks again for the replies, if anyone remembers any ancient oriental art which is unspeakably sexist (without being frighteningly macho) please let me know. Alternatively a men only training night would be good too. Thanks again I did a search for you but came up empty. Women are even taking Sumo wrestling these days. (they wear a black leotard as well as the traditional Sumo gear, btw - it would be a wee bit revealing otherwise ) I honestly don't see the need to "justify" training in a mixed class, versus a male only class - especially since it is a virtually impossible task for you to find a club that will fit that bill. Since you obviously DO feel the need to justify this, then I'm assuming that subject has been exhaustively discussed. Is there a reason you have to justify this at all? Does she get to go out for hobbies of her own? I still think your wife should be invited to come watch if she's so concerned; if she's THAT concerned she'll bring the kids or make arrangements. As mentioned by myself and others, searching for a club that has very little (or even no) grappling might be easier than searching for an elusive males only class; there are a lot of karate and tae kwon do clubs out there that don't grapple, or focus on it so rarely that it isn't even an issue anyway. I am also still suggesting having a conversation with your Sensei regarding this issue (in private), explaining your reasons for wanting to grapple with a male; making any sort of "I only want to grapple guys" statement in class is going to come off as sexist, but if everything is discussed and agreed ahead of time and you are paired up by your Sensei it can be done more subtly (IF the Sensei is willing, of course). Having the conversation in private will also allow you to tell you Sensei you aren't comfortable going against your wife's wishes and you won't be training otherwise - then it is your Sensei's call how to proceed. The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step. -Lao-Tse Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kirves Posted July 16, 2003 Share Posted July 16, 2003 I wouldn't bother my sensei about such issues, I'd rather talk to the wife, that's where I see the problem. I'm no expert, but sounds to me like she is quite insecure about your relationship if normal sport activities under a controlled dojo environment are not allowed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Prodigal Son Posted July 16, 2003 Share Posted July 16, 2003 Boxing classes generally don't have that many women in them - and there's no grappling - and it's quite effective... But may I be so bold as to ask one thing ? Is it she that does not trust you, or you that does not trust yourself ? Because with respect mate, I'd say if you wanna do martial arts, you should first learn to win your battles on the home front before going outside. If you cannot command the repect of your wife, then who will repect you on the street ? If you are so dominated by her, then perhaps you should take up Ikebana ? If you can't reason with her, put her over your knee. >>>PS<<< ------------------------------------------------------------------------Self-defense is only an illusion, a dark cloak beneath which lurks a razor-sharp dagger waiting to be plunged into the first unwary victim. Sifu Wong. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kirves Posted July 16, 2003 Share Posted July 16, 2003 If you are so dominated by her, then perhaps you should take up Ikebana ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Prodigal Son Posted July 16, 2003 Share Posted July 16, 2003 Now please, nobody take any offence at this, because there is none meant I promise... But have you tried asking your local gay and lesbian support group ? Surely there will be a men only class amongst the gay community in your city ? >>>PS<<< BTW, I dunno if that would actually make your wife any happier... ------------------------------------------------------------------------Self-defense is only an illusion, a dark cloak beneath which lurks a razor-sharp dagger waiting to be plunged into the first unwary victim. Sifu Wong. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Prodigal Son Posted July 16, 2003 Share Posted July 16, 2003 Wow. The correct word for dy ke has been removed from my previous post. is it dirty word ? Many people would be offended by it's censorship. Just an opinion >>>PS<<< ------------------------------------------------------------------------Self-defense is only an illusion, a dark cloak beneath which lurks a razor-sharp dagger waiting to be plunged into the first unwary victim. Sifu Wong. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shotochem Posted July 16, 2003 Share Posted July 16, 2003 In all my time training, I have never seen any behavior or anything else of a sexual nature in a MA dojo. We train with women, yes. A woman is just another training partner to think otherwise would be an insult to her and those you train with. Funny, why havent I seen a single dojo bunny??? The bunnys I see are like the one in Monty Python Pain is only temporary, the memory of that pain lasts a lifetime. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kirves Posted July 16, 2003 Share Posted July 16, 2003 Yeah, if you have time to think something sexual in a dojo during a fight, there must be something wrong with the training (or fighters). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kamidake Posted July 18, 2003 Share Posted July 18, 2003 I am thinking about the time I was struggling to master an elbow-breaking technique and bring my teacher down and I pulled his arm across my chest (DD; runs in the family). He didn't think anything about it, I'm sure, and I certainly didn't; all I was thinking is, "This sure is $#%$# complicated!" I don't think your wife understands what goes on in class. I suggest you have her come watch. If she watches and still thinks you're going there to pick up all those panting, sweating, disheveled women (nothing sexier than a woman dripping sweat, right?), then I'd say the problem is hers, not yours, and would suggest counseling, either for her or jointly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
major_motoko Posted July 18, 2003 Share Posted July 18, 2003 Wow. The correct word for dy ke has been removed from my previous post. is it dirty word ? Many people would be offended by it's censorship. I am offended, but sort of understand as it can be used as an insult (as I found out the other day minding my own business in London's SoHo sqaure ) I thought you'd tried to put lesb ian - Wow that's banned too? Come on now KF Senseis.. that's not cool!!! have you tried asking your local gay and * support group ? Surely there will be a men only class amongst the gay community in your city ? . The only gay run martial arts groups I know of in UK are mixed men and women or women only anyway, not men only. The only other option I can think of is a personal trainer. This is an expensive option, but there are many martial arts teachers who will do private teaching. That might be an option for you. motoko 2nd Kyu Brown Belt, Wado Ryu Karate-do"Daniel-san best karate still inside!" Mr Myagi Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts