KarateForums.com Survivor 2 Final Challenge: Entry One

[Patrick]

Title: Sum Ting Dum

 

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How would you like to pull off some of the martial art moves in the movie, The Matrix? Sound impossible? It’s not. Let me tell you about a secret I just got hold of myself. Are you listening? It’s called Sum Ting Dum, and it’s for REAL.

 

Movies like “The Matrix”, “Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon” and many others would have you believe they pull off those outlandish martial arts stunts with special effects and wirework. Well I am here to tell you, they don’t. They simply know a few of the secrets of a new Martial Arts System developed by Grandmaster Smith, a leading martial arts “expert”. Grandmaster Smith is seven-time World champion in full contact martial arts. He holds black belts in Tae Kwon Do, Hapkido, and Brazilian Jui Jitsu. He has three advanced degrees in Kinesiology, Physics, and Temporal Mechanics, making him more than just a teacher, but something of a guru.

 

But enough about the innovator who created this incredible system, let’s move on to the art itself.

 

Sum Ting Dum

 

Sum Ting Dum, literally translated, means “The way of knowing nothing about anything”. This art is as much a mental discipline as physical. It includes many hand and foot techniques and exercises to get you in peak physical condition. These techniques, when used in conjunction with an array of mental techniques, exclusive to Sum Ting Dum, complete a lethal, but beautiful art form that is very practical for self-defense. Want to learn more about this most comprehensive of art forms? Well, keep reading.

 

The Origins Of Sum Ting Dum

 

Sum Ting Dum started out as an idea in the mind of Grandmaster Smith, to combine his knowledge of martial arts and science. Using special techniques developed from Temporal Mechanics, Kinesiology, and Physics, Grandmaster Smith has created a mental breakthrough in the martial sciences.

 

What’s it all about?

 

Let’s start with meditation technique #1 as an example. Referred to as, Sum Ting Tu Do, it encompasses letting your mind wander aimlessly through the cosmos until you find what you are looking for. This, combined with several other mental techniques, helps you achieve special awareness about yourself and those around you. When using these techniques you will start to be able to anticipate your opponents every move. Block that punch before it is ever thrown! Disable your attacker, before he even realizes he wants to attack you! We call this cosmic awareness.

 

As you progress in your training, you will learn techniques like, Mah Fin Ga Huts, an effective way to disable attackers with just your index finger. Or, Ow Mah Fut Huts, a devastating kicking technique to the head, which has been clocked in excess of 150 mph! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT? Neither could I, until I tried it.

 

NO Way!

 

Now, I know what you’re thinking, “This is too good to be true”, and, “How much does it cost?” I was skeptical as first too, but then I said, “What the heck!” and spent the money and I couldn’t have been happier with the results.

 

Let’s move on. Sum Ting Dum also gives you that practical martial arts knowledge you crave. It is a comprehensive style, comprised of three separate martial arts. TKD, Hapkido, and BJJ. These three art forms will give you the physical techniques you need to perform to be at your absolute best. Take what works for you. That is the beauty of this system. Like the kicks of TKD? Use them. Like the multiple joint locks of Hapkido? Use them. Do you like twisting your attacker six ways to Sunday? Use the BJJ! It all works.

 

Now, Grandmaster Smith didn’t want this to be known, but what the heck! Any system of martial arts can be used in conjunction with Sum Ting Dum. That’s right! Any system!

 

Now what would you expect to pay for a comprehensive system like this? $800? $1000? Well, while he has charged the stars, such as Keanu Reeves, Laurence Fishburne, Carrie Ann Moss, and others, as much as $1000 an hour to learn this system, Grandmaster Smith is willing to part with it for just 10 payments of $39.95! That’s right, $39.95! That’s ten tapes or DVDs for 10 payments of $39.95! But if you act within the next 30 minutes of reading this ad, he’ll make the first payment for you! What a deal! Let’s see what others have to say about Grandmaster Smith's system….

 

“Trixie – Exotic Dancer”

 

“Well, being in the business that I am, I can run into some pretty freaky people. I used to be afraid to walk to my car at night after work. But not anymore, after about six months of using Sum Ting Dum, three guys jumped me in the parking lot after work. Using the lessons that Grandmaster Smith taught me on his tapes, I killed all three of them. No, no. I mean I really killed all three of them. They buried them in Happy Rest Cemetery last month.”

 

“Mrs. Amelia – Widow”

 

“Well, I’ve been studying Sum Ting Dum for about ten years now, since my husband died and I am starting to learn some of the advanced techniques. See, there was this squirrel that kept getting into my bird feeder. Well one day I had had enough! I simply used “Da Ev Il Hai” and let’s just say that frickin’squirrel won’t be eating my bird seed anymore!”

 

“Timmy – College aged Mamas boy”

 

“Well, I started using Sum Ting Dum because I was constantly getting my butt kicked at the student union. I mean, I’m not a very big guy. But with the system, I haven’t had any problems from anybody. This big jock decided he was going to pick on me, like he did almost everyday, and my mom, her name is Amelia, layed the smack down on him! It was incredible! That’s when I knew I needed Sum Ting Dum to help protect myself!

 

So, now that you know about Sum Ting Dum, and what it has done for others, pick up the phone and call 1-888-URS-ODUM. Or email us at URSODUM@dingbat.com , and we’ll take your order. Remember, Sum Ting Dum isn’t some flash in the pan craze, it’s been around for a little while now and IT WORKS!

 

Disclaimer: This work of fiction has not intentionally tried to insult or upset anyone who reads it. It is strictly for laughs. All photos courtesy of Warner Brothers Studios.