10 things never said by a redneck

[BigGuy]

1. No gravy, I'm watching my cholesterol.

 

2. We don't keep firearms in this house.

 

3. We're vegetarians.

 

4. Wrasslin's fake!

 

5. You can't feed that to the dog.

 

6. No kids in the back of the pickup. It is just not safe.

 

7. My fiance, Bobbi Jo, is registered at Tiffany's.

 

8. Forget Nascar, lets watch Touched By an Angel.

 

9. Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Peggy.

 

10. Can you bake that chicken instead of frying it?

[BigGuy]

just as a bonus heres a letter from a redneck mom to her son.

 

Dear Billy joe Bob,

 

I'm writting this slow because I know you can't read fast. We don't live where we did when you left home. Your Pa read in the newspaper that most accidents happen within 20 minutes of your home, so we moved. The address is the same though because we took the house numbers with us when we moved.

 

 

 

This place is really nice. I even has a washing machine. I'm not sure it works so well, though, Last week I put a load of clothes in and pulled the chain, we haven't seen it since.

 

 

 

The weather isn't bad here. It only rained twice last week; the first time for three days and the second time for four days.

 

 

 

About that coat you wanted me to send; your Uncle Bubba said it would be too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets.

 

 

 

Bubba locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were really worried because it took him two hours to get me and your father out.

 

Your sister had a baby this morning, ( it looks just like your brother), but I haven't found out what it is yet so I don't know if you are an aunt or uncle.

 

 

 

Your father got a new job! He now has over 300 people under him. He's mowing the lawn over at the cemetary.

 

 

 

Uncle Bobby Ray fell into a whiskey vat last week. Some men tried to pull him out but he fought them off and drowned. We had him cremated; he burned for three days.

 

Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pickup truck. Butch was driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your other two friends were in the back, they drowned because they couldn't get the tailgate down.

 

Your Favorite Aunt

 

(PS I was going to send the money you asked for but I had already sealed the envelope

[monkeygirl]

:lol:

 

There's bunches of rednecks where I live, and I can relate to some of these

 

[GhOsCeLL]

Yo guys while we're on the subject of rednecks, here are some additional jokes:

 

1) You might be a redneck if your baby's first words were, "Attention, K-mart shoppers."

 

2) What's the last thing a redneck says before he dies?

 

Hey! Watch this...

 

 

3) You might be a redneck if you have ever vacationed in a highway rest area.

[dtstiachi]

I am a redneck.

Truer words have never been spoken.

Good piece.