INSUPERABLE PAIN

[fireka]

i know this sounds dumb, with a war and everything going on, but for those who read my post 'instructor problem' im in a lot of pain. that girlfriend i said i loved so much has broken up with me. not about that problem, but it really hurts, and you might say it has to do with iraq, i really want to talk to a martial artist, they are my people and i am most comfrable with them, if one would lesson. please! it hurts so bad! its an actuall physical pain! i never dreamed it would feel like this!

[ZR440]

Sorry to hear about your problem, but I think you would be better off talking to your family or a few friends about this. They know you better than we do. The internet really isn't a good place to discuss personal problems anyway. It's just text. It can't replace a live conversation.

[SaiFightsMS]

Some will commiserate with you. There may be some responses from others relating how they have gone through similar times.

 

Please take any response with a grain or two of salt. Affairs of the heart are not my best area. But regardless of the age of those involved they are very serious and should never be taken lightly.

 

Bury yourself in a physical activity. Distance yourself from the event. And remember that the pain will lessen in time.

[monkeygirl]

My best advice: let it hurt.

 

Don't try to cover it up or ignore it, or deny it. Just let the pain run its course, let yourself cry. Once you're done, it will still hurt for awhile, but I think you'll feel some relief. I think it helps to be alone until then...a day or two.

 

After then you should try to get back into your normal schedule, little by little. Each new day will make things a little better. Some will be worse than others; the healing process isn't a straight shot from feeling bad to feelin good. Some days you'll feel pretty good, and then the next might be bad again. Just give yourself time.

 

Do things that you enjoy, try to cheer yourself up. Whatever you do, don't dwell on the relationship, and don't blame yourself!!! The simple act of being this sad means it probably wasn't your fault.

 

If you need to be angry at her for awhile, go ahead. It helps a little. Just don't let it go for too long

 

When you feel like seeing her again, see a trusted friend or family member instead. You need to be away from her right now, rather then drag out old feelings.

 

It's going to take time. It took me a few weeks to stop feeling sad and sorry for myself after one bad breakup. It took me about a year and a half before I was completely over him, to where I could just be friends with him and not feel any more pain/guilt/regret whatever. What kept me going that whole time: my friends, family, and the knowledge that I would be better one day.

 

I hope this helps a little. Talking to a family member or good friend face-to-face is going to be a lot better than talking over the internet.

 

Also, don't let your lady instructor take advantage of you when you're like this

[fireka]

god it dosent matter! its still driving me crazy, all day today i keep thinking about it, i miss her so much! i want to talk to her so bad. we were both crying before we hung up that phone. the fact that theres a small chance we could go out again someday, im not sure if its helping or hurting. my best friends approach right now is that we will and shes doing everything to make that happen. maybe shes right, or dead wrong, my mind is to clouded to know the diffrence its like im not even alive anymore, yet i still wish i was dead. I surrendered really quickly, i wanted to love her so bad, i still do. how can i continue to distance myself. today i came back to my home school from the technical center and felt my legs drifting to the place upstairs were i would wait for her 7th period class to end so i could see her. i walked right by it, didnt even look at it, but it became such a habit, such a need, i couldnt completely break it. it made me sad just that i didnt get to see her face today. how can i keep going if i cant see her at all?!? my parents arnt helping, they keep asking questions i keep telling them i dont want to answer. Now there not going to let my friends in the next county (they go to tech center with me) over on spring break. Is it wrong what my friend is saying, can i ever pursue her again? i need her, i know it sounds lke foolish words coming from a broken heart, and maybe they are but i cant survive if i cant even just talk to her.

[omnifinite]

I wish I had answers for you, but I'm still pretty traumatized almost a year after losing my last love. I had horrible nightmares for about three weeks straight, spent months in a suffocating heart-wrenching daze of self-loathing and regret, and it's a wonder I didn't get an ulcer the one time I happened to be in the same movie theatre with her half a year later (went to the restroom sure I was going to throw up). I felt death would have been a welcome change for quite a while. Now it's just a dull ache that comes when I think about it (sharp when I think a lot about it), but stays pretty much out of mind when I'm focused on other things.

 

If she came back now I'd most certainly refuse, if that's worth anything to you.

 

I know you're in absolute hell right now, and no mere words can make that go away, and rational thought is probably almost impossible, but maybe it will help to think about something awful that may have happened to you years and years ago. You probably can't remember the details of it enough to feel hurt by it, and have more of a "oh yeah, there was that one time" attitude about it. It's something you feel detached from because of all the things that have changed since then. It's in your memory, but you're such a different person now it doesn't exactly feel like it happened to you. In a few years that's probably what this will feel like. That's how some of my previous relationships feel to me now. I suppose the last one will too a few years down the line.

 

Eventually you just won't have the energy to hurt anymore. Your brain will sort some things out even if the changes are subtle and hard to notice. And hopefully in the end you'll be more concerned with tomorrow than you will with yesterday. There are only so many places yesterday can take you anyway, and not many of them are pleasant.

 

This (or anything) probably doesn't help now, but hopefully seeds are being planted in your brain that will help things start to make sense a couple weeks down the line.

 

Focus on action rather than thought for a while, try not to do anything out of character that you'll regret when you're lucid again, and good luck.

[fireka]

darnit! ive heard these thing the last time i was hurt, nut that dosent even compare with now. i just dont understand what THE POINT IN ALL THIS IS!!!! say i recover, what if i find someone new! whats the point? when dose it END! when can i fall in love and stay with someone, i just want to love i have so much to give! why is that wrong! if you had asked me what the perfect girl for me would be like, i would have described rea very closely. i just want these questions answered, im sorry logic is all i have left.

[Smith amp Wesson]

Drink a beer dude.

[fireka]

no. i already considered that, but corupting my body isnt what rea would want. what was it she said? i needed to start fighting for myself, not for others. she said that i needed to begin fighting for myself. ha! what other way can that be descibed? but she dosent understand, i cant fight without that comfort. i need to be loved for my art to be any good, i guess thats why im discussing this at a martial arts forum. i cant fight without rea, without knowing shes there, her love powered every punch, every kick. Chi Yow Long of the shoalin temple once wrote, as has been repeated many times by many sorces fictional and non. 'The martial artist can be defined as one who has emmotions beyond that of a normal citizen. these emmotions can not be descibed in words, and therefore the martial artist must demonstrate these emmotions with his fist!' but so long as my fist reflect sorrow i will always be defeated! fireka? ha! theres no fire left in me. so what now? i guess this is the question im trying to force out of all of you, trained martial artist with an experince in life as well as forms. do i pursue the thing that works? do i try and win rea back, and with her my power as a martial artist? or do i try and find something else to fight for, and how do i know that will not be in veign? DARNIT! only two months! i was just aloud enough time to really start to love her. i hate being a ronnin, i need to fight, win or loose, it will focus my mind, just wish i had my sparring gloves. ah whats the point...

[omnifinite]

There's no magic formula someone here can give you.

 

There's a fine line sometimes between a muse and a crutch... maybe she felt that line had been crossed? I don't know. You may also want to question how much of it is being in love with her and how much of it is being in love with love... not to doubt the power of your feelings, but "I just want to love" sounds a little like putting the cart before the horse. I definitely understand someone being the embodiment of your ideals, though.

 

But anyway... none of those things matter right now. All that matters is finding your sanity again. I probably won't do you much good here, so, best wishes.