Just curious...because we have quite a few in my school, but I am not sure I am connecting

It depends what is meant by “connect” and what sort of connection is expected?

I assume by "connect" you mean "vibe with", understand, relate to. I've never trained at a really big school where there were multiple blackbelt instructors, usually just the instructor who ran it, maybe 2 or 3 others including myself. The short answer is, you're not going to connect with everybody you train with, anymore than you would in any other activity or workplace. But definitely, you should respect and have some affinity for the person you're primarily learning from.

I have had situations where, in checking out a place to train, it was clear it wasn't a good fit, and that was after I was already a senior blackbelt.

I only had one case where there was another blackbelt in the school I could not tolerate or respect. This guy was a real scumbag, supposedly a "private investigator", but he was living in the girls changing room, smoking in the club, and once I even found his gun in an unlocked locker. For whatever reason, the Master instructor would not do anything about it, so I kept a wide distance.

As others have said, it depends on what you mean by "connect." Personally, I don't expect the same level/type of connection with everyone I train with. Some people are basically just professional colleagues. Some are like siblings. Some are like parents, or grandparents. Some I can't stand. As with all your interpersonal relationships, things will vary from person to person, and ebb and flow throughout your life. The important thing is that you are learning!

Martial arts skills do not equate teaching ability or a compatible, pleasant personality.

Teachers are also people and like any other type of social interaction, personalities may clash.

The comments here so far have pretty much summed up my thoughts. I've had instructors I've liked more and some I've liked less. What I always try to focus on is what I'm learning. If I feel the quality of training is worth it, I'll stick around. Otherwise, I can move one.

8 hours ago, Spartacus Maximus said:

Martial arts skills do not equate teaching ability or a compatible, pleasant personality.

Teachers are also people and like any other type of social interaction, personalities may clash.

Not all black belts can teach!! That’s been my mantra for as long as I can remember.

Edited September 28Sep 28 by sensei8

there were only a couple of instructors that I didn't connect with over the years. However what is amusing is that I have run into them after a number of years, I actually connected with them better after that gap.

I know full well that some of my students or former students have told me in the latter that they didn't feel like we connected. Having spoken to them after a while, I found out that they only said that because I didn't teach in the way that they learn best.

14 hours ago, Nidan Melbourne said:

I know full well that some of my students or former students have told me in the latter that they didn't feel like we connected. Having spoken to them after a while, I found out that they only said that because I didn't teach in the way that they learn best.

This is a tough challenge as an instructor, especially for young instructors. Many of us start out teaching with the approach that worked the best for us, because it sticks with us and we are comfortable with it. Learning how to adapt as you go is difficult and is a learning experience. I found it helpful to watch others teach the same student, check their approach, and if it seems like things start to click, figure out what I need to change in my approach for that particular student.

4 hours ago, bushido_man96 said:

This is a tough challenge as an instructor, especially for young instructors. Many of us start out teaching with the approach that worked the best for us, because it sticks with us and we are comfortable with it. Learning how to adapt as you go is difficult and is a learning experience. I found it helpful to watch others teach the same student, check their approach, and if it seems like things start to click, figure out what I need to change in my approach for that particular student.

It honestly took those students to tell me to change how I taught