My Dilemma

[Karateka_latino]

larryJf, excuse me. But she isn't talking about breaking up with her boyfriend to do M.A. She's talking about training in a diferent School.

 

Besides, i feel she already made a sacrife staying in that place she doesn't like to be.

 

Laurie, im sorry for asking you this, I just need to understand your dilema a little bit better.

 

You just see him in the dojang? i mean, is That the ONLY time you have to be together, Are your working hours too demanding that you don't got to see eachother any other time?

[karatekid1975]

I don't mind, Sub. No we live together. But we work different hours. He works first shift, I work second. We don't see each other except when I get home, and he's ready for bed, because he gets up early. The only two days off that I have is monday and thursday, which is class nights. We spend time together on saturdays (after I get back from Judo), but only for a few hours.

 

Heidi, yes you are right. He is passionate about the "olympics." The problem is, most of us aren't. A few are, but most are there for a totally different reason. For me, that is self defense. I could care less about the "olympic style" sparring matches. He and Mr. C has been pushing me to do it, but I'm not in it for sport. Yea, I can hold my own in sparring, but it's because I have to, not because I like it.

 

And he has been talking about change since I started. I guess I am a little frustrated because I haven't seen any changes. I don't know how Mr. Laftler runs his school, but here it's weird. You go to the black belt classes here. That might be different also, but you are "not allowed" to say anything that goes on in it.

 

I do train hard, though. I always work on technique, step sparring, and self defense stuff with my other half. I'm big on technique like Mr. Laftler

 

Anyways, we are probably confusing everyone because we are talking about stuff here that they don't know about hehehehehe

[Karateka_latino]

Okay,

 

You don't have too much time to be together and you take M.A. lessons for the chance to share. I can understand yes.

 

Well, Its up to you girl. Im not really sure what else i can advice you.

 

I just don't believe in staying in a place just to please my couple. I'd be unhappy and depressed as you are now.

 

All i can say is Try to talk to him again about changing Dojangs... There MUST be a balanced Dojang with classes of both self Defense and Sparring. Keep looking and in the mean time, stay in Judo.

 

Good luck.

[ninjanurse]

Yeah you're right

 

Haven't been to a BB class yet-I'm not big on secrets...I'll have to see about that . I understand your frustration with the self defense issue...they do seem to delay the more complex techniques until higher belt levels. One school of thought being K.I.S.S. !!! I think you should go were you want or you'll never be satisfied-eventhough I'll never get to train with you . Martial Arts is a personal journey...your man should understand that. If not...????

 

[karatekid1975]

Thanks Hiedi Hehehehehe. Maybe you can pass them on (secrets) LOL

 

I will train at your dojang every other saturday starting at the end of the month. I may get in trouble, but at this point, I don't care.

 

Yea, it's true. They make you wait to learn the good self defense stuff. I've seen some of it, and I learned some of it in TSD. They are making me wait to learn stuff I already know. I'm sure you will know most of it, because of your experience in TKD.

 

It's a bit frustrating. Maybe it's just me .... I donno. But they have lost students at my dojang. That can't be a good sign.

[karatekid1975]

Ok, Sub. I took your advice. I had a chat with my man, and I quit my current dojang. He is disappointed that we won't train together anymore (except at home), but other than that, he's ok with it. I'm looking for a day job, so we can spend more time together at home, instead of class.

 

I'm still eye-balling the Tae Kwon Do Moo Duk Kwan dojang. But I think I need time off first. I need a "mental vacation" from martial arts, besides KF of course

[ramymensa]

GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODD !!!!!!!!!

 

Congrats for the big step. See wasn't that hard

 

Hope after the off period you'll find a good dojo/dojang for YOU, not for others

 

Good luck and enjoy the "holiday"

[jmy77]

I am waaay late with this but, (and this is just an observation from the posts I read, if I missed something let me know) did your BF ever make an attempt to go to your new dojang? To branch out with you? Or did he just become unyielding?

 

It is just that it seems like you are the only one that sacrificed here. One of the things I have learned is that while yes, Love makes you do crazy things and make great sacrifices - it has to be a 2 way street. It just didn't seem that way.

 

I was very happy to read that you finally quit wasting your time at the McDojang.

 

Here is a bit of wisdom that was passed on to me - You always have to look out for number one! Yourself.

 

You have to make sure you are happy and you certainly did not seem happy for awhile there.

 

Now, don't get me wrong - by no means - am I saying you should take on a "if it’s not my way, if not happy then "f" it and "f" you!" arrogant attitude. But you can not and should never have to sacrifice something that means so much to you - regardless of what it is or for whom. And your significant other should always (at least try to) understand. This is just my opinion - I am not passing judgment on you or your bf as I do not know either of you. Just giving my two cents on the observations I have made.

 

Now that you looking for a new dojang I wish the best of luck!

 

I humblely reccomend sitting in on a kenpo dojo...

[karatekid1975]

jmy77,

 

No, it's ok. No offense taken

 

The first time I wanted to quit, he put the "guilt trip" on me, so I stayed and tried to make the best of it. But I couldn't take it anymore. I got to the point that I didn't want to test anymore. I told him that, and he said ok. At least I tried.

 

His problem is he is close-minded to "his art." I can't blame him for not wanting to leave. I was the same way with Tang Soo Do when I moved. I wanted TSD or nothing. Now that I learned and researched other arts (and seen others), I am way more open to new things. And yes Kenpo was one I thought about, but I didn't find a dojo near me

 

I did find a TKD MDK dojang the last time I wanted to quit this dojang. I am still leaning towards going there, after a short break.

 

Ramy, you have nooooo idea how hard it was LOL. But thanks for your kind words

[ramymensa]

Karatekid We should be grown up girls, but look at us

 

I'm glad you made the big step and I'm sure it took a lot of work to accept such a change in your life. It would get better and you'll be happy. You've been talking by a dijang you visited and liked it very much. What about going there? You were so happy when you "told" us about it.

 

Your bf would get over it. It was kinda selfish from him to put you through this, but sometimes it's not about selfishness, it's some other kind of love. I had such a boyfriend. We parted cause I'm not to be convinced to say bye-bye to karate Now I know I made the right decision.

 

Have fun and try to spend the time left for you both in the best way. You'll be OK.

 

I'm sending you both a big smile from this part of Europe