Once again I am thankful for the mental side of my training.

[chiliphil1]

Today I found out that someone who I was in a band with is making threats to me and my father behind my back. I knew that there was some animosity with us but I had no idea that he harbored violent intentions toward me as I have never felt that way towards him.

I have read the text messages he has sent to other people and he is blatantly saying he would fight me, my dad (long story) and "drag me though the mud while others watched" his words..

I find myself feeling as I am sure most people would a bit upset, I have the urge to go and give him a lesson in respect for others but my MA training just won't let me. In fact that training has urged me to quit the band sooner. I had offered to stay on for 2 more months and play the 2 shows that are already booked, I figured that it was the right thing to do but now these comments and threats are coming from this guy, so I have decided to remove myself from the situation in order to avoid conflict.

I am thankful that I have trained in the MA, not because I could destroy this guy but because I am able to walk away and not feel that I have to fight or "get even" and if worse came to worse I do not fear for my safety. I cannot replace this feeling with anything in the world and should I have chosen a different path in life the situation may have become very bad but again, thanks to my years of MA I can be at peace.

Once again, glad to be part of the MA family.

[bushido_man96]

Sounds like you are doing the right thing, taking the high road, and removing yourself from the situation. Honestly, it doesn't sound like anything good could come of remaining on for the last few shows. Especially if this guy harbors this kind of ill will towards you. And judging by the way he is going behind your back with the threats, my guess is that if he would attempt to do something physical, it would be when you aren't looking, to get the drop on you and try to take advantage that way. He probably wouldn't come to you face to face, so its good to avoid that altogether.

Sorry this incident had to happen to you, but its great to see how you are choosing to handle it. Kudos to you!

[sensei8]

I wholeheartedly concur with what Brian has advised.

In addition, I'd just ignore it, and remove yourself from the incident completely as well as with this negative individual. Nothing good can really come from this...one will get hurt and one will go to jail...or worse!!

[JR 137]

You're doing the right thing here. Unless there's an immediate and unquestionable threat of violence, there's no point in escalating the situation. He's trying to feed his own ego, and it's pathetic. I learned this one the hard way, and it could have been far worse...

During my college years (there were many), a friend of mine and I were staggering out of a bar. About 10 feet ahead of us was my ex and her new boyfriend. He didn't see us and was running his mouth saying he was going to beat me up next time he saw me. My friend looked at me, shook his head and simply said "Don't do it." I decided to yell out "Here I am! See me now?"

He stood behind his girlfriend and started getting mouthy and challenging me. Once I got close enough, his girlfriend told him to run because he was going to get his rear end kicked. She'd seen me train. He didn't like that, so he threw a punch from behind her and ran into his apartment. Wasn't close to connecting, and wouldn't have hurt if it did, but I was livid that he'd hide behind a woman and throw a punch, so I chased him into his apartment.

His lacrosse teammates watched me beat him up a little bit, then pulled me off him. Luckily I was friendly with a few of them.

I made a big deal out of nothing. I escalated a situation. I could have gotten hurt pretty badly. I could have hurt him pretty badly. And for what? To prove that he couldn't back up his rant? To prove what anyone who knew either of us already knew? Talk about ego. Putting me down was all he had. Everyone knew that. I should've let him keep that.

[Spartacus Maximus]

Making threats of physical violence is usually the sign of an emotionally unstable personality. These types of people have such difficulty controlling their emotions that they will be overwhelmed.

Although it can be exhausting to deal with them on a regular basis, the risk of being attacked is low. The best solution is to simply leave the person, let them calm down and talk to them when they are rational again.

On the other hand, the angry person might be mentally unstable, have a personality disorder or sociopathic and psychopathic problem. There is no indication of this unless one is well acquainted with the individual. In that case there are other physical harm is imminent, but the risk can also be eliminated by just leaving, while remaining alert and prepared.

Whatever the situation, using force is only the solution if escape is not possible without doing so, and should only be done in the process, or for the sole purpose of removing oneself from danger. If giving the other guy a bloody nose allows you to run away, there is no point in breaking his arm.

[chiliphil1]

Thank you all for the replies. This is why I love the MA community. Where, in the world of some, their friends would cheer them on and call them names if they did not fight, here we embrace solutions which actually solve problems.

To update, I have removed all of my equipment from the practice space and will not return. I won't have to bother with seeing this guy ever again.

[Spartacus Maximus]

There is hardly any sure way to know exactly who one us dealing with as far as casual acquaintances and strangers are concerned. Fortunately, being able to immediately put distance between oneself and these people and simply refusing to deal with them is the easiest thing to do.

The only thing that might make one stay around long enough to make a stupid mistake to aggravate the situation is pride or ego. That feeling that if one does not fight, one is somehow weak.

[chiliphil1]

There is hardly any sure way to know exactly who one us dealing with as far as casual acquaintances and strangers are concerned. Fortunately, being able to immediately put distance between oneself and these people and simply refusing to deal with them is the easiest thing to do.

The only thing that might make one stay around long enough to make a stupid mistake to aggravate the situation is pride or ego. That feeling that if one does not fight, one is somehow weak.

Precisely! That's why I am so thankful for MA, with true martial arts your ego goes out the door. I have nothing to prove to anyone, including myself. If not for training I would not feel that way. I know what I am capable of and loose no sleep over not proving it. I think that the weaker one is the one who cannot take words to us martial artists words mean nothing.

[The Pred]

Yes patient is a virtue. Besides if you did get a physical alteraction, whose to say he wouldn't sue for assult especially if he lost.

[Spartacus Maximus]

Yes indeed. There is no way to win against an angry person making threats. Trying to win or getting the last word in is the quickest way to find trouble.

Learning not to be easily goaded or provoked and dealing with social aggression should be an important part of martial arts training. Unfortunately, most instructors and schools neglect or leave out the mental side. Without mental training and self-control a martial artist is a disaster waiting to happen.