Engaging your Child

[Judodad_karateson]

What are the best ways to engage your child?

Half the time its class time, my 5 year old says he doesn't want to go. Of course, we end up going, and he has a blast. But Karate is a long, LONG road, and one he can't see the end of with the attention span of a typical 5yo boy. How can I give him for excitement for karate? I try training with him, compare Karate to what he sees from it TV heroes, show him videos of other MA kids, it doesn't phase him.

I understand that kids are just like this, but my biggest fear is that he may start to see Karate as a chore, as school. Any tips for keeping him engaged in class?

A side issue is his half-brother, my 9 year old stepson. He is a wonderful kid, well behaved, intelligent, but not at all the physical type. He just wants to play on the computer. I have no problem with it in and of himself, but 9 times out of 10, when my son says "I don't want to go to class" it is related to the cool new TV show, video game, or youtube vid his older brother found. He wants to stay and play.

[Spartacus Maximus]

Each person is different and there are many things that can determine how well a certain child responds to physical training. Personality plays a very important part. Perhaps the child in question is not ready at 5 years old. No two five year olds will have exactly the same attention span or concentration level. Development rates are all different.

The best way to deal with this is to find the attention threshold and shorten the time to meet it. If the child can only pay attention for 10 minutes of serious training, teach and practise as much as possible within that time. The rest of the time can be used for anything fun and martial arts related to occupy him.

[skullsplitter]

I have 2 sons and I've been right there with you until recently.

My oldest son took to martial arts immediately and we've never had to nudge him or make him to go classes. Normally it's the opposite where we make him take a day or so off.

Youngest son is now 8 and he normally says he does not want to go to class. But then again he doesn't want to leave the house for anything else either. He's addicted to the devices. He does enjoy class once he gets there though.

Everyone is different and they take to things at different paces. With a 5 year old it's a game of patience and waiting.

[126barnes]

My boys started at 7 and 5 with wee miss starting just before her 4th birthday (only because she was in the back of class everyday). Started off great, but after a year or so getting out the door for karate was so frustrating with the boys. They never wanted to go to class but once they got there they were all smiles and generally paid attention and completed the class.

Here's my story.

I joined shortly after they did, and like every thing I pick up, I go full throttle. Basically I don't think they got a break from karate, they were doing it 7 days a week......3 classes and then some sort of practice or talking about it at home every other day for argument sake.

Basically looking back at it, I ruined it for them. Once I backed off and just did my own thing and let them do as much as they wanted(short of quitting), they started enjoying it more.

As they got older (oldest is now 12) they are the ones asking to go and rushing me out the door.

[Spartacus Maximus]

It is very easy for well-meaning parents to push their children too hard into activities they may not enjoy as much as parents would hope. Parents often forget how much pressure children feel and sometimes the children are simply not yet ready because of their personal development stages. Sometimes a 5year old might have more patience and concentration then a 10 year old. Getting a child to take an interest in something is far from being an exact science.

There are no sure methods or guarantees that once started, the child will continue. The very best thing a parent can do is expose the child to the activity and show that it is enjoyable and interesting. The rest is up to the child.

[sensei8]

Engaging children can be a difficult thing to overcome, as equally difficult as maintaining, especially long term. Again, I'm a firm believer that not all black belts can teach, nor should they even try, and this is multiplied when it comes to teaching children; a art within itself!!

Children's ages match up to their attention span. A 5 year old will lose interest, if not challenged, in about 5 minutes. How in the world can we teach something effective to a child in 5 minutes?

Simple!

Engage them in various drills and the like that will emphasis one specific goal. Be it, Kihon, Kata, or Kumite!! For example, through Kihon, I could run 25 different specific drills over the Reverse Punch!! Yet, I won't use all 25 drills, but maybe 2-3, at 5 minute intervals. Of course, we're not going to be only training the Reverse Punch during any one class. Albeit, we'll touch on about 5 different topics during any one class.

MAKE IT FUN!! Children engage much better if they're having fun, therefore, they learn much more if they're having fun. I'm a big kid at heart, and I will play with them age appropriately, and when I do, the big scary Sensei isn't there anymore; they now have a big kid to play with.

Engaging reaches many levels because children are different, in both mindset and maturity, as well as a matching age. That fine tuning is why classes for children are separated by age groups, and that's when the real fine tuning happens.

One model isn't for other classes!!

An instructor has two choices...

Bore them to death!!

OR

Engage them!!

An instructor needs to have a barometer to gauge the classes temperament, and that better be dialed in as soon as possible. Children are quite unforgiveable when it comes to many things. Don't lie to them...don't bore them...don't make up stuff...don't pretend...Kids can see through all of that and more, and that's because they are that clean canvas, an innocent preconceived notion surrounds them.

Children aren't adults!! Adults aren't children!! You all know that already. But many instructors simply...well...DON'T know that!!

Having said all of that, I remember one thing, no matter how engaging I might be, I can't keep them all on the floor. Karate, the MA, isn't for everyone, including children. They, at first, want to learn the MA, with the cool uniforms and patches and belts, and all of the bells and whistles, then once they're one the floor, they lose interest for various reasons. I COULD BE THE REASON...YOU COULD BE THE REASON as to why children students walk away from the MA!!

Activities outside of the MA will win, for the most of the time, the interest with children. Baseball...gymnastics...and so on and so forth. I mean, during baseball season, I'd be more on any given baseball field, than on any given MA floor...I love baseball TOO!! No matter how engaging I was, I couldn't hold a candle to their outside of the MA activity desires.

It's ok...that's why many MA instructors just don't teach children/kids!! It takes a special gift, imho!!

[bushido_man96]

Kids are a special case. Their interests can change so quickly. I think the main thing is that as long as he is having fun when you do go to class, keep urging him to go when he doesn't want to.

I think there is a fine line in pushing a kid too far, and pulling them along when they would rather be lazy. That's kind of where I'm at with my kids, who are 10 and 6. The 10 year old wanted to start weight training to improve his athletic performance, so we did, and have kept at it. Then it got to a point where he wouldn't want to go, but I talk to him about it, saying its not something you do for a season and then stop. You get the benefits of it by making it a part of your lifestyle. So, I keep pulling him along. He saw the dividends it produced in football, and so we hope to see some in Wrestling, too.

Kids are tough. Unless he gets to the point that he just absolutely hates it and dreads going AND being there, I'd say keep pulling him along. He'll thank you for it down the road.

[JR 137]

Kids are a special case. Their interests can change so quickly. I think the main thing is that as long as he is having fun when you do go to class, keep urging him to go when he doesn't want to.

I think there is a fine line in pushing a kid too far, and pulling them along when they would rather be lazy. That's kind of where I'm at with my kids, who are 10 and 6. The 10 year old wanted to start weight training to improve his athletic performance, so we did, and have kept at it. Then it got to a point where he wouldn't want to go, but I talk to him about it, saying its not something you do for a season and then stop. You get the benefits of it by making it a part of your lifestyle. So, I keep pulling him along. He saw the dividends it produced in football, and so we hope to see some in Wrestling, too.

Kids are tough. Unless he gets to the point that he just absolutely hates it and dreads going AND being there, I'd say keep pulling him along. He'll thank you for it down the road.

I really like when you say unless he dreads going AND BEING THERE. Just like with adults, the hardest part is getting off the couch. How many times have we made excuses in our heads to not go to the dojo, gym, relative's house, work, etc., but went anyway, and everything was fine once we got there?

I've never made up an excuse in my head not to go to the dojo though. Actually quite the opposite; I try to make excuses to go when more important things come up. The right thing pretty much always happens; it's just a process.

Another thing I've seen regarding keeping kids' interest: don't bring it home. Practice is over when they walk to the car. The game is over after coach has his post-game speech. Class is over when they leave the dojo. If they come to you about it later, address it the appropriate way in as short a time as possible. The exception is of course school.

Just what I've seen in others and been through as a kid. My oldest daughter just started a week ago, so no true first hand experience to back it up, but I think it's safe to learn from others' mistakes here.

[bushido_man96]

Sometimes, I will bring it home, depending on how my sons are acting, or the things they are saying. I've done extra Wrestling practices with my sons in the past so they can get some issues cleared up in technique. Usually, I'll let them open the door for that, by complaining about how they can't get it down, or something. Then, I'll offer to do some extra work to clean it up or get better. Sometimes, it works wonders.

[mushybees]

Great thread.

My 5yr old daughter is still enjoying her classes but is getting a little rowdy in class. I'm guilty of bringing it home a bit, think I'll start leaving it in the dojo and see how she does. Can't hurt.

Good advice!