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ok if there is somebody you dont like , or think is but ulgy, then you can tell them this joke , here it is, lets take my ugly friend dipesh

 

there is thumbalina, snow white, and hunch back of notradam,

 

and there is a magic mirror in a house, so thumbalina first goes in , and says mirror mirro of them all, am i the smallest of them all, she come out of the house happy cuz the mirror said yes

 

then snow white goes in the house, and asks the mirror, mirror mirror of them all, am i the fairest of them all, shes comes out happy cuz the mirror said yes

 

then finally hunch back of notradam goes in the house and ask the mirror, mirror mirror of them all, am i the ugliest of them all, he comes out all upset and angry and says "Who the hell is this person called Dipesh???"

 

 

[SaiFightsMS]

Computer Jokes - Dr. Seuss Computer Manual

 

If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port,

 

And the bus is interrupted as a very last resort,

 

And the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort, Then the socket packet pocket has an error to report!

 

If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash, And the double-clicking icons put your window in the trash, And your data is corrupted 'cause the index doesn't hash, Then your situation's hopeless, and your system's gonna crash!

 

If the label on your cable on the gable at your house, Says the network is connected to the button on your mouse, But your packets want to tunnel to another protocol, That's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall.

 

And your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss, So your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse, Then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang, 'Cause as sure as I'm a poet, the sucker's gonna hang!

 

When the copy of your floppy's getting sloppy on the disk, And the microcode instructions cause unnecessary RISC, The you have to flash your memory and you'll want to RAM your ROM,

 

Quickly turn off the computer and be sure to tell your mom!

 

 

[kicker]

 

 

Three rednecks, Bubba, Earl and Jeb, were stumbling home late one night and found themselves on the road that led past the old graveyard.

 

"Come have a look over here", says Bubba, "It's Zeb Jones' grave, God bless his soul, he lived to the ripe old age of 87."

 

"That's nothing", says Earl, "here's one named Butch Smith. It says here that he was 95 when he died."

 

Just then, Jeb yells out, "But here's a fella that died when he was 145 years old!"

 

"What was his name?" asks Bubba.

 

Jeb lights a match to see what else is written on the stone marker, and exclaims, "Miles, from Georgia."

 

 

[SaiFightsMS]

A mangy looking guy goes into a bar and orders

 

a drink. The bartender says, "No way, pal.

 

I don't think you can pay for it."

 

"You're right, " the guy says, "I don't have any money,

 

but if I show you something you haven't seen before

 

will you give me a drink?"

 

"You have a deal my friend," says the bartender.

 

The guy reaches into his coat pocket and pulls out a

 

hamster. He puts the hamster on the bar, it runs to

 

the end of the bar, down the side of the bar, across

 

the room, up the piano, onto the keyboard and starts

 

playing Gerswhin.

 

"You're right I haven't heard anyting like that before,"

 

says the bartender. "The hamster is really gifted."

 

The guy downs the drink and asks the bartender for

 

another. "Will that be cash or another miracle, pal?"

 

asks the bartender. "Watch this," replies the guy.

 

Again, he reaches into his coat and pulls out a frog.

 

He puts the frog onto the bar, and the frog

 

starts to sing. The frog has a marvelous voice

 

and great pitch. A fine singer.

 

A stranger from the other end of the bar

 

runs over to the guy and offers him $300

 

for the frog. "It's a deal," says the guy.

 

He takes the three hundred and gives the

 

stranger the frog. The stranger runs out

 

of the bar.

 

"Are you nuts?" asks the bartender. "You

 

sold a singing frog for $300? It could have been

 

worth millions. You must be crazy."

 

"Not so," says the guy.

 

"The hamster is a ventriloquist."

 

 

[kicker]

The neighborhood postman was retiring after 25 years. On his last day of delivering mail, all of the people on his route left him something in the mail box in honor of his retirement. Some left money, some left small gifts, and some met him at the door and invited him in for a meal. This went on all through the neighborhood. As he proceeded through his route, the gifts got better and better. One house even gave him a gold watch!

 

He was so satisfied, but the last house paled in comparison. As he was putting the mail in the mailbox, the door opened, and the woman of the house stood there in beautiful lingerie. She invited him inside. He knew that this woman's husband was a truck driver and was away, so he went inside. She proceeded to give him the day and night of his life.

 

The next morning he woke up to find she was bringing him breakfast in bed. He found a dollar bill under his plate as he ate and asked her about it. She explained, "When I called my husband to tell ask him what we should give you for your retirement, he said, 'screw him, give him a dollar.' Breakfast was my idea."

 

 

 

 

[Kempo_Dude]

I have this one

 

The basket ball players from Los angeles Lakers. His pants fell down, when he was shooting the ball to the net. he almost won, but he dropped the ball, cuase his pants fell down. lol

 

and suddenly everyone laughed!

 

 

[ZeRo]

how do you sink a submarie full of blondes? knock on the door.

 

 

[Phantasmatic]

something you say to a really ugly person...

 

what are you going to do for a face when the baboon wants his ass back?

 

 

[SBN Doug]

 

 

Survival: Texas Style

 

Due to the popularity of the Survivor shows, Texas is planning to do its own, entitled "Survivor, Texas Style". The contestants will start in Dallas, travel to Waco, Austin, San Antonio, over to Houston, and down to Brownsville. They will then proceed up to

 

Del Rio, on to El Paso, then to Midland, Odessa, Lubbock and Amarillo. From there, they'll proceed to Abilene, Ft. Worth and finally back to Dallas.

 

Each will be driving a pink Volvo with a bumper sticker that reads, "I'm gay, vegetarian, voted for Al Gore, and I'm

 

here to confiscate your guns"

 

The first one to make it back to Dallas alive wins.

[SBN Doug]

 

 

> > > A passenger in a taxi tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask > > > him something.

 

> > > The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, > > > drove up over the curb, and stopped

 

> > > just inches from a large plate glass window.

 

> > > For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, then the > > > driver said, "Look mate, don't ever do

 

> > > that again. You scared the daylights out of me!"

 

> > > The passenger, who was also frightened, apologized and said he > > > didn't realize that a tap on the

 

> > > shoulder could frighten him so much.

 

> > > The driver replied, "I'm very sorry, it's really not your fault > > > at all. Today is my first day driving a

 

> > > cab. I've been driving a hearse for the last 25 years."