got jokes???

[SaiFightsMS]

Birds of a feather flock together. And the bigger the flock the more poo that hits your car.

 

 

[kicker]

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are traveling through the desert when their car suddenly stalls.

 

They all get out of the car and, upon realizing that its not going to start, they each take one thing from the car. The brunette takes a bottle of water and the redhead takes a bag of food. The blonde gets some tools from the trunk, removes a door from the car and takes the door with her.

 

They begin to walk through the desert, and soon stop to rest. At this point the blonde and the brunette turn to the redhead and ask her why she brought the food. She replies, "Well, in case I get hungry Ill have something to eat." They all think this is pretty reasonable.

 

Then the redhead and the blonde turn to the brunette and ask her why she decided to bring water. The brunette replies, "Well, in case I got thirsty Ill have something to drink." They all decide thats a good idea, too.

 

Finally, the brunette and the redhead turn to the blonde and ask her why on earth she would take the car door. She replies, "Well, I thought if I got hot I could roll down the window."

 

:spitlaugh: :brow:

 

 

[SaiFightsMS]

Driving to the office this morning on the Interstate, I looked over to my left and there was a woman in a brand new Mustang doing 65 miles per hour with her face up next to her rear view mirror putting on her eyeliner! I looked away for a couple seconds and when I looked back she was halfway over in my lane, still working on that makeup!!!

 

It scared me (I'm a man) so bad, I dropped my electric shaver, which knocked the donut out of my other hand. In all the confusion of trying to straighten out the car using my knees against the steering wheel, it knocked my cell phone away from my ear which fell into the coffee between my legs, splashed and burned Big Jim and the Twins, ruined the darn phone and DISCONNECTED AN IMPORTANT CALL!!!!!!!

 

Darn woman drivers. Yeah right.

 

 

[kicker]

A blond man showed up at work one day with a black eye. When his co- workers saw him they asked him what had happened. He told them it had happened at church. They didn't believe him, and wanted to know what really happened.

 

So he told them, "I went to the church. I got on my knees and prayed. When I stood up to sing the hymns, there in front of me was the biggest woman I had ever seen. Her dress was stuck in her butt-crack, so being the gentleman I am, I reached over and pulled it out for her. She did not like that, so she hit me." The guys laughed and ribbed him about it all day.

 

The next week he showed up to work and his face was beat bad! Again the guys asked him what had happened and he told them he'd got beaten up at church. Again they didn't believe him, so he explained, "I went to the church. I got on my knees and prayed. When I stood up to sing the hymns, there in front of me was that same big woman with her dress again stuck up her butt-crack."

 

At this point the other men interrupted and said, "Please tell us you didn't pull her dress out of her crack again?"

 

"No, the guy standing beside me did, and I knew she didn't like that, so I shoved it back in."

 

 

[YODA]

"Big Jim and the Twins," --------- Bwahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaa....... :lol:

 

 

[YODA]

Man: Do you serve breakfast here?

 

Waitress: Sure; what'll it be?"

 

Man:Let me have watery eggs?some burnt toast?and some weak coffee, lukewarm.

 

Waitress: Whatever you say, sir.

 

Man: Now, are you doing anything while that order is going through?

 

Waitress: Why?no, sir.

 

Man: Then sit here and nag me a while?I'm feeling homesick.

 

 

 

 

[YODA]

According to statistics, last year over 17 million American families paid a lot of money for things that looked funny and didn't work. Seven million of these were antiques; the rest were college students.

 

 

 

 

[YODA]

A panda walks into a bar, sits down and orders a sandwich. He eats the sandwich, pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter dead.

 

As the panda stands up to go, the bartender shouts, "Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!"

 

The panda yells back at the bartender, "Hey, I'm a PANDA! Look it up!" The bartender opens his dictionary and sees the following definition for panda:

 

"A tree dwelling marsupial of Asian orgin, characterized by distinct black and white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves.

 

 

 

 

[kicker]

hey Yoda ever read the beginning of the thread??? It tells you only one post at a time

 

anyways Joke

 

A blonde, a brunette, and a red head all went to an antique store and saw a beautiful old mirror. The lady working at the store said, "This is a magic mirror. You must say something true. And if it's true, your wish will come true. If it's not true, you will disappear."

 

The blonde, red head, and brunette decided to buy the mirror, and brought it home with them. First the red head walked up to the mirror and said, "I think I'm the most beautiful girl in the world." Poof, she vanished. Then the brunette walked up to the mirror and said, "I think I'm the smartest girl in the world." Poof, she disappeared. Then the blonde walked up to the mirror and said, "I think ... " Then Poof, she disappeared.

 

 

[Taikudo-ka]

"This is a magic mirror. You must say something true. And if it's true, your wish will come true. If it's not true, you will disappear."

 

Erm...??? I think in English this is called a tautology.

 

In any case, if your "wish" only comes "true" if it is already "true", what exactly is this piece of junk mirror offering?