got jokes???

[kicker]

 

okay Ive finally going to post a joke

 

"How come you're late?" asked the bartender, as the blonde waitress walked into the bar.

 

"It was awful," she explained. "I was walking down Elm street and there was a terrible accident. A man was thrown from his car and he was lying in the middle of the street. His leg was broken, his skull was fractured, and there was blood everywhere. Thank God I took that first-aid course.

 

"What did you do?" asked the bartender.

 

"I sat down and put my head between my knees to keep from fainting!"

 

29]

 

 

[KickChick]

Actually I am in favor of a Martial Arts Humor/Joke Forum. I have so many!

 

Here's one!

 

You know you have been training in Taekwondo too long when you...

 

Say to the salesman in a clothing store, "Nice pants, but I don't think I can kick in them."

 

 

 

Say "I'm sorry" and involuntarily bow.

 

Go to the shoe store to try on shoes and:

 

Instead of walking around the store, you practice pivots, sweeps, stances, and kicks.

 

 

 

Choose shoes based on whether they are flexible or have steel toes.

 

Side kick a malfunctioning cold drink machine.

 

Ensure the left side of your bathrobe folds over the right side and the belt is in a square knot.

 

Use kicks to turn lights on and off.

 

Cannot walk by anyone from your school without casually exchanging a flurry of mock strikes and kicks.

 

 

 

Leap to your feet and kick while watching "Kung Fu," "Walker, Texas Ranger," and "Highlander" at home.

 

Find yourself practicing staff techniques in miniature with your pencil during dull meetings.

 

Try to back fist the correct floor button on the inside of the elevator, based on your memory of the button's location, before you get in far enough to see it.

 

Never stand with your arms crossed or with your hands in your pockets.

 

Keep at least one martial arts weapon by your bed when you sleep.

 

Have the urge to bow every time you enter or leave a room.

 

Accidentally call teachers "sabum."

 

Find yourself practicing stances while standing in line.

 

Have occasional delusions of sparring adequacy.

 

 

[SaiFightsMS]

Okay picture this:it is a picture but I don't know how to put it here.

 

Doing your patriotic duty

 

Dog squatting on a sidewalk leaving a pile. The pile of poo just happens to be strategically placed on a newspaper with a full page shot of Osama.

 

 

[kicker]

Sai you would have to go your%20url%20here%20then%20this

 

well if it doesn't work well well see k.

 

_________________

 

David N

 

when you do your best it`s going to show.

 

[ This Message was edited by: kicker on 2002-01-17 16:04 ]

[kicker]

heres a joke

 

A blonde and a brunette are running a ranch together in Louisiana. They decide they need a bull to mate with their cows in order to increase the herd.

 

The brunette takes their entire savings of $600 and goes to Texas to buy a bull. She eventually meets with an old cowboy that will sell her one. "It's the only one I got, but I'll sell it for $599. Take it or leave it," he tells her.

 

She buys it and goes straight to the local telegram office. She tells the clerk, "I'd like to send a telegram to my friend in Louisiana that says, 'Have found the stud bull for our ranch, bring the trailer.' How much will that cost?"

 

The man behind the counter tells her, "Telegrams to anywhere in the U.S. are $.75 per word."

 

She looks at her last dollar, thinks about it for a moment, and replies, "In that case, I'd like to send one word, please."

 

"And what word would that be?" inquires the clerk.

 

"'Comfortable,'" replies the brunette.

 

Out of curiosity, the man asks, "I'm sorry miss, but how is your friend gonna understand this telegram?"

 

The brunette replies, "My friend is blonde and reads really slow. When she gets this, she'll read, 'COM-FOR-DA- BULL.'"

 

 

 

[SaiFightsMS]

:spitlaugh: :spitlaugh:

 

Back From the Grave

 

An old man and woman were married for years, even though they hated each other. When they had a confrontation, screaming and yelling could be heard deep into the night. The old man would shout, "When I die, I will dig my way up and out of the grave and come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!"

 

Neighbors feared him. They believed he practiced black magic because of the many strange occurrences that took place in their neighborhood. The old man liked the fact he was feared.

 

To everyone's relief, he died of a heart attack when he was 68. His wife had a closed casket at the wake. After the burial, she went straight to the local bar and began to party as if there was no tomorrow.

 

Her neighbours, concerned for her safety, asked, "Aren't you afraid that he may indeed be able to dig his way up and out of the grave and come back and haunt you for the rest of your life?" The wife put down her drink and said, "Let the old ******* dig. I had him buried upside down.

 

 

[kicker]

A blonde dies her hair because she is tired of being called dumb.

 

The next day, she meets a farmer with some sheep. "If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I have one?" she asks.

 

The farmer agrees.

 

The blonde takes a quick glance, then says, "You have 158 sheep, mister."

 

To the farmer's amazement, the woman is right, so he hands over one of the sheep. Then, as she walks away, the farmer asks, "If I can guess what color hair your hair really is, can I have my sheep back?"

 

The woman agrees.

 

"You're a blonde... now give me back my dog."

 

 

[dreamer38f]

:lol: :lol:i like that one kicker

[kicker]

thanks dreamer

 

 

A blonde, a red head and a brunette are stranded on a deserted island.

 

After a couple of months, the brunette said, "That's it. I'm out of here!" So, she swam about an eighth of the way off the island towards the nearest piece of land, and drowned.

 

Then, the red head said, "She had the right idea, but I can swim farther, to the shore." So, she swam and swam and got about one quarter of the way to the nearest piece of land, but she too drowned.

 

"Well," the blonde thought, "surely I can swim to the nearest piece of land." So, off she went. When she reached the half way point, she stopped and thought, "I'm not gonna make it!" and swam back to the island.

 

 

 

 

[SaiFightsMS]

Signs You Live In The Year 2002

 

1. You just tried to enter your password on the microwave.

 

2. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.

 

3. You call your son's beeper to let him know it's time to eat. He emails you back from his bedroom, "What's for dinner?"

 

4. Your daughter sells Girl Scout Cookies via her web site.

 

5. You chat several times a day with a stranger from South Africa, but you haven't spoken with your next door neighbor this year.

 

6. You check the ingredients on a can of chicken noodle soup to see if it contains Echinacea.

 

7. Your grandmother asks you to send her a JPEG file of your newborn so she can create a screen saver.

 

8. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home.

 

9. Every commercial on television has a web-site address at the bottom of the screen.

 

10. You buy a computer and 6 months later it is out of date and now sells for half the price you paid. (if you are lucky)

 

11. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have the first 20 or 30 years of your life, is cause for panic and turning around to go get it.

 

12. Using real money, instead of credit or debit, to make a purchase would be a hassle and take planning.

 

13. Cleaning up the dining room means getting the fast food bags out of the back seat of your car.

 

14. Your reason for not staying in touch with family is that they do not have e-mail addresses.

 

15. You consider second-day air delivery painfully slow.

 

16. Your dining room table is now your flat filing cabinet.

 

17. Your idea of being organized is multiple-colored Post-it notes.

 

18. You hear most of your jokes via e-mail instead of in person.

 

19. You get an extra phone line (or a ADSL/cable modem) so you can get

 

phone calls.

 

20. You disconnect from the Internet and get this awful feeling, as if you just pulled the plug on a loved one.

 

21. You get up in morning and go online before getting your coffee.

 

22. You wake up at 2 am to go to the bathroom and check your E-mail on

 

your way back to bed.

 

23. You start tilting your head sideways to smile.

 

24. You're reading this.

 

25. Even worse; you're going to forward it to someone else