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got jokes???


taezee

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Thank you, thank you dumb stuff can be amazingly funny. :lol: :lol:

 

A wife walked into her kitchen and found her husband stalking around with a flyswatter. "Hunny what are you up too?"

 

"Why I'm fly hunting, what does it look like?" he replies.

 

"Having any luck?" asks the wife.

 

"Oh yes I have got 3 male flys and 2 female flies so far."

 

"Um hunny how to you know if a fly is male or female?" the wife asks.

 

"Well it was easy, 3 were on a beer can 2 were on the phone." answered the husband.

 

I think I liked the snowman better.

 

 

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  • 2 weeks later...

Like bar jokes?

 

A fat ugly woman walks into a dark bar. A line of men on bar stools were sitting in the semidarkness. The famale announces "which one of you gents wants to buy a lady a drink" - said while raising her arm revealing a very hairy armpit.

 

The men just kind of hunker down. All except one bleary eyed drunk on the end who says to the bartender "give the lady a drink".

 

She guzzles her drink and repeats the performance once more displaying her hairy armpit.

 

Same man buys her a drink. The other fellows ask him why. He says "a like to buy drinks for good ballerinas". The other men say huh?

 

"She must be a good ballerina to raise her leg that high."

 

Pretty stupid huh. :dead:

 

 

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A little off course

 

This is the actual radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October 1995. Radio conversation released by the chief of naval operations, 10-10-95.

 

CANADIANS: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.

 

AMERICANS: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the north to avoid a collision.

 

CANADIANS: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.

 

AMERICANS: This is the captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.

 

CANADIANS: No, I say again, you divert YOUR course.

 

AMERICANS: This is the Aircraft Carrier US LINCOLN, the second largest ship in the United States Atlantic Fleet. We are accompanied with three Destroyers, three Cruisers and numerous support vessels. I DEMAND that you change your course 15 degrees north. I say again, that's one-five degrees north, or counter-measures will be undertaken to ensure the safety of this ship.

 

CANADIANS: This is a lighthouse. Your call.

 

 

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Thank you Kickbutt!

 

 

 

Bungee Jumping

 

Two guys decide to set up a bungee jumping service in Mexico. They set up in a plaza, and a large crowd assembles around them, so they decide to give a demonstration.

 

The first guy jumps. He bounces at the end of the cord, but when he comes back up, the second guy notices that he has a few cuts and scratches. Unfortunately, the second guy isn't able to catch him, and he falls again, bounces and comes back. This time, he is bruised and bleeding. Again, the second guy misses him. The first guy falls again and bounces back up. This time, he comes back pretty messed up—he's got a couple of broken bones and is almost unconscious.

 

The second guy finally catches him and says, "What happened? Was the cord too long?"

 

The first guy replies, "No, the cord was fine....but what the hell is a pinata?"

 

:???:

 

 

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lol sai

 

 

 

joke

 

A blonde dials 911 to report that her car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher.

 

"They've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, and even the accelerator!" she cries.

 

The 911 dispatcher says, "Stay calm. An officer is on the way. He will be there in two minutes."

 

Before the police get to the crime scene, however, the 911 dispatcher's telephone rings a second time, and the same blonde is on the line again.

 

"Never mind," giggles the blonde, "I got in the back seat by mistake."

 

:spitlaugh: :brow:

 

 

when you do your best it`s going to show.

"If you watch the pros, You will learn something new"

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